June cleaver
Your very own cleaver, just like mom used to butcher with.
Type: weapon (1-handed cleaver)
Damage: 10 - 20
Cannot be traded or discardedAll Attributes +10%
Regenerate 6-8 HP and MP per adventure
+5 Adventure(s) per day when equipped
+X Spooky Damage
+X Stench Damage
+X Hot Damage
+X Cold Damage
+X Sleaze Damage
Cannot miss
Gets stronger the more you use it
(In-game plural: June cleavers) | |
Obtained From
- Items
- packaged June cleaver
Notes
- "Cannot miss" means will not hit a glancing blow, and will not fumble (unless some effect forces you to fumble).
- At rollover, elemental damage enchantments reset to +1 each.
- After combat, gains +1 bonus damage to a "random" elemental damage enchantment, and displays a message about the element's color:
- As the battle ends, your cleaver flashes bright (color).
- Out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of bright (color) light shining from your cleaver.
- Your cleaver sparkles with a startling (color) color.
- You notice a glint of (color) on the blade of your cleaver.
- The elemental enchantments will tend to stay close to equal in power.
- Is automatically placed in your inventory for you at the beginning of your run, with the message:
- Therefore an adventurer shall leave his sword and shield, and shall cleave unto his cleaver: they shall be of one flesh. -Loathingviticus 4:20
| You acquire an item: June cleaver |
Causes Strange Daydreams
At the end of any resolved combat (win/lose/run away), the cleaver contributes to a hidden progress counter. At 60 progress, a free cleaver-specific noncombat encounter is ready.
- Each encounter's first three choices reset progress to 0.
- Choosing instead to Snap out of it! declines the encounter, and resets progress to 45.
- This choice stops appearing for the day after you've taken it 5 times.
- The cleaver gains 60, 10, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2... progress per fight, diminishing based on how many cleaver encounters you've accepted today.
- The cleaver "remembers" the last six cleaver encounters you've seen, whether they were skipped or not. Your next random cleaver encounter will never be one of the immediately previous six.
| Noncombat Adventures
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Options
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Results
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Notes
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| Aunts not Ants
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Act rudely so they leave!
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| Be on your best behavior so you can go later.
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| Sneak out the back door.
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- +10 Stats Per Fight
- Muscle -20%
- Mysticality -20%
- Moxie -20%
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| Bath Time
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Use Mother's hair dryer and towels to dry things up.
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| Confess to Mother and Father.
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- So-So Spooky Resistance (+2)
- So-So Stench Resistance (+2)
- So-So Sleaze Resistance (+2)
- Damage Reduction: 15
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| Pretend you don't notice.
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- Serious Hot Resistance (+3)
- +50% Combat Initiative
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| Beware of Aligator
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Come clean to Dad and let him take it to the zoo.
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+20 to Monster Level
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| Claim the housekeeper is drunk.
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1-potency awesome booze
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| Ignore the situation and charge your friends admission to see the alligator.
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 | You gain 1,500 Meat. |
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| Delicious Sprouts
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Just eat 'em.
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| Hide them in your napkin.
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1-fullness good food
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| Go to your room.
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| Hypnotic Master
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Try it on your brother.
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Accessory
- +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped
- Never Fumble
- Rest at your campsite, 5 times per day without using an Adventure
- (This works even when it isn't equipped)
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| Try it on that wiseacre, Eddie.
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| Try it on yourself.
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 | You acquire an effect: ... something
(duration: 30 Adventures)[[Data:{{{effect}}}]] |
| You acquire an effect: ... something
(duration: 30 Adventures)[[Data:{{{effect}}}]] |
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(30 each of 2-5 random effects)
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| Lost and Found
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Cash in that savings bond from your Aunt!
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Potion, gives (30 Earning Interest):
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| Challenge Lumpy's accusations.
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| Tell Father what happened.
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| Poetic Justice
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Hand in the poem your brother wrote
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| Admit that you didn't write anything
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| Fake an injury on the playground
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| Summer Days
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Sneak away and watch the movie at a nearby drive-in.
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Potion, gives (30 Feeling Sneaky):
- Monsters will be less attracted to you
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| Suck it up and go fishing.
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1-fullness good food, gives (50 Fire-Roasted Feelings):
- Serious Cold Resistance (+3)
- +15 Hot Damage
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| Make a cool fort on the small island in the lake.
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| Teacher's Pet
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Ignore the situation.
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- So-So Sleaze Resistance (+2)
- Damage Absorption +50
- Damage Reduction: 5
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| Confess your love to Miss Teacher!
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Accessory
- +3 Stat(s) Per Fight
- +2 Familiar Experience Per Combat
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| Prank the teacher to get your friends off your case.
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Messages
You smack your opponent with the handle of your cleaver. It's not as sharp as the blade, but it still deals X damage. BIFF! ZAP! BONK!
You lay your opponent on a cutting board and whack them with your cleaver, dealing X damage. KERBLAM! WHACK! BOINK!
You cleave your foe for X damage. WHAM! WHAM! SPLAT!
References
- June Cleaver is the name of the mother character in Leave It to Beaver, a black-and-white television sitcom that originally ran from 1957 to 1963.
- The Strange Daydreams themselves are all references to specific episodes of this sitcom, written from the perspective of Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver. See the choice adventures' wiki pages for details.
Collection
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