It Takes a Cursed Village
As cursed as this village obviously is, it's got a lot of fairly mundane buildings in it. There's a bakery, a butcher's shop, a blacksmith, a fortune teller, a barber, a wishing well, a notary's office -- all pretty boring stuff.
Well, except for the massive evil-looking cathedral.
With a FantasyRealm Mage's Hat equipped:
Your hat's heads-up-display kicks in, revealing the silhouette of a wizard's tower just behind the barber shop.
With a FantasyRealm Rogue's Mask equipped:
The heads-up display in your mask highlights the entrace to the local thieves' guild. That could be interesting
Weird, there's also a pedestal here with a big red button on it labeled "SECRET QUEST." How did you never see that before?
|Head to the cathedral|
It takes you nearly an hour, but you finally summon up the courage to climb the stairs and enter the evil cathedral. Your G. E. M. beeps at the last minute, startling you half to death.
(Unlocks The Evil Cathedral)
|Head to the Archwizard's tower|
You head back into the maze of streets and spend an hour making your way to the wizard's tower. Your G. E. M. beeps, as if applauding your success.
(Unlocks The Archwizard's Tower)
|Head to the thieves guild|
You head to the thieves' guild and demand entrance. The secret handshake takes an hour. Your G. E. M. beeps.
(Unlocks The Cursed Village Thieves' Guild)
|Visit the fortune teller|
You enter the fortune teller's shop to find a coin-operated fortune-telling machine instead of the creepy old lady you were expecting.
You find a coin in the coin return and drop it in.
The machine whirs for a minute and a card pops out: "GREAT WEALTH AWAITS YOU."
Your G. E. M. beeps to let you know an hour has passed while you were screwing around in here.
|You acquire an effect: Fortunate, Son|
(duration: 20 Adventures)
|Dive into the wishing well||[requires a FantasyRealm rope]|
You tie your rope to the crossbeam of the well and lower yourself down. At the bottom, you help yourself to the hopes and dreams of everybody that came before you. You're takin' 'em back. You're takin' 'em all back. Your G. E. M. beeps, reminding you that your time here is short.
|You acquire 40-60 Rubees™|
|Visit the blacksmith||[dragon aluminum ore]|
You take the ore to the local dwarven blacksmith, and wait patiently for an hour for him to hammer it into a sword. Your G. E. M. beeps just as he quenches the sword and hands it to you.
|You acquire an item: dragon slaying sword|
|Visit the notary's office||[arrest warrant]|
You take your arrest warrant into the notary's office and wait an hour for her to sign and stamp it. Your G. E. M. beeps.
|You acquire an item: notarized arrest warrant|
|Press the big red button|
If the first button pressed: You press the button, and from somewhere underneath it you hear a man's recorded voice say "Susan, please replace this recording with main quest progress dialog number one."
If the second button pressed:
You press the button, and from somewhere underneath it you hear a woman's recorded voice say "Hey, this is Susan, I'm not sure if this thing is actually working correctly or not, but"
It cuts off abruptly.
If the third button pressed:
You press the button, and from somewhere underneath it you hear a woman's recorded voice say, in an extremely fake British accent, "Great work, adventurer! You're one step closer to rescuing me from the Skeleton Lord's clutches!"
Hmm. You seem to be missing some context, here.
If the fourth button pressed:
You press the button, and from somewhere underneath it you hear a woman's recorded voice say "Look, if the clowns in narrative can't do any better than another dumb damsel-in-distress story, then I don't see why I should bother putting in the effort on these line reads."
If the fifth button pressed:
Fight the Skeleton Lord
|Leave for now|
Occurs at Cursed Village.