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The internet is
not just for porn anymore!
Now it's memes and fights.

Does a wide variety of dumb and occasionally useful things, just like the actual internet.

Ability: Increases Item Drops like a Fairy, drops BACON, and does other things based on its modifier.

Throne/Bjorn: +10 to Monster Level, occasionally deals damage.

Hatchling: Discognat.gif disconnected intergnat

Familiar-Specific Equipment: Upgradechip.gif high-speed upgrade

Arena.gif Ultimate Cage Match Scavenger Hunt Obstacle Course Hide and Seek
Olive.gif Olive.gifOlive.gifOlive.gif Olive.gifOlive.gif Olive.gifOlive.gif

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

+15% Meat Drop 6-10 MP +4 Muscle statgain +15% Item Drop +4 Mysticality statgain 8-10 HP +2 Moxie statgain
Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Deals Sleaze damage*
*Hover for details
Dasboot.gifCannot breathe underwater
Combat Messages
  • Regular messages (against an opponent NAMED NEIL):
    <name> says, "As Neal Stephenson once said, 'The difference between stupid and intelligent people -- and this is true whether or not they are well-educated -- is that intelligent people can handle subtlety,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous subtlety for 1 damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Armstrong once said, 'Research is creating new knowledge,'" and beats the enemy with outrageous knowledge for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Cassady once said, 'Sometimes I sits and thinks. Other times I sits and drinks, but mostly I just sits,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous beatings for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Degrasse Tyson once said, 'If your ego starts out, "I am important, I am big, I am special," you're in for some disappointments when you look around at what we've discovered about the universe!'" and beats the enemy with outrageous perspective for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Diamond once said, 'When you're on a merry-go-round, you miss a lot of the scenery,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous merriness for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Gaiman once said, 'The imagination is a muscle. If it is not exercised, it atrophies,'" and beats the enemy with outrageous imagination for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Patrick Harris once said, 'When you're sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead!'" and beats the enemy with outrageous awesomeness for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Peart once said, 'If you've got a problem, take it out on a drum,'" and takes it out on your opponent for X damage.
    <name> says, "As Neil Young once said, 'It's better to burn out, than to fade away,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous burning for X damage.
  • After Combat (increased item drop):
    <name> finds a leek somewhere and sings a polka while twirling it around.
    <name> does the Harlem Shake, kind of. I mean it doesn't have quite the right anatomy for it but you guess that's what it's going for.
    <name> does a strange, angry-looking stompy sort of dance, while shouting "DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS".
    <name> starts twerking. Is... is that a thing a gnat can do? I guess if a gnat has legs it must also have a butt.
  • After Combat (against an ELDRITCH HORROR):
    <name> drops a thin black candle into your hand. It smells kind of weird... ugh, because it's made of bacon fat. Why does every dang thing have to be bacon?
    <name> gives you a thin black candle with "Team Edward" painted on the side.
    <name> gives you a thin black candle. The tag on it says "MONEY/LOVE/POWER SPELL money/love/power not guaranteed please remember to leave 5-star feedback"
    <name> buzzes past your ear and drops a thin black candle. Looks like it's been buying handmade crap off Etsy again.
Bcandle.gifYou acquire an item: thin black candle
  • <name> pops up unexpectedly, interrupting what you're doing, and shoves an advertisement in your face.
Afuescroll.gifYou acquire an item: scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil
  • <name> freaks out and starts babbling "I used to be a <name2> but then I took an arrow to the knee..."
    <name> starts twitching and moaning. "All your <name2> are belong to us!", it blurts.
    <name> suddenly gets a wild look in its eyes. "I'm a' chargin' mah <name2>!" it shouts. "SHOOP DA WHOOP!"
    <name> suddenly starts twitching spasmodically and shouts "I made you a <name2> but I eated it!"
  • After Combat (against TESLA):
    <name> accidentally nudges your hand into the nearby tesla coil. BZAP!
MPYou gain 30 Mana Points.
  • After Combat (with SCIENCE):
    <name> says, "Did you know: Centrifugal force doesn't really exist! It's actually harmonic weight!"
    <name> says, "Did you know: Young's Twenty-third Law of Dreams says any two objects exert accelerated accelerated language on each other, regardless of their thought!"
    <name> says, "Did you know: O'Kelly's Nineteenth Law of Music says the force acting on an object is equal to the love of the object times its language!"
    <name> says, "Did you know: The fourth state of matter is soup!"
    <name> says, "Did you know: Most of the universe is made up of a substance called Chartreuse Matter!"
  • After Combat (in all cases):
Jarl bacon.gifYou acquire an item: BACON
  • Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:
    <name> shouts insults at your opponent from its perch on your hat, which hurts them deeply (for X damage).
  • Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:
    <name> peeks up over your shoulder and makes some snide comments at your opponent, which hurts them deeply (for X damage).
  • With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:
    You assume that <name> is winking at you, somehwere underneath the tam o'shanter.
  • With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:
    <Name> buzzes around the maypole a couple of times, then starts planking on top of it.
  • With wax lips equipped:
    <Name> takes a selfie while wearing the oversized wax lips, and posts it to fifteen different social media accounts.

Arena Messages

  • None - familiar has no weaknesses.


  • May 2016's item of the month from Mr. Store.
  • Messages with <name2> form the name of a summon-able demon. Observed values for <name2> are:
    • A 9-letter word looking like a demon-name starting with K'
    • A name of a player in your contact list
    • Neil
  • The choice of contact and demon-name in <name2> remains the same within an ascension. If you do not have any names in your contact list, it will pick a name from members of your clan.
  • By combining the three, one can summon the demon with name "Neil <DemonName> <ContactName>". Summoning also gives:
  • The "Did you know" messages are procedurally-generated from random colors, names, numbers, and statements that vaguely resemble laws of physics.