Hobo Blanket Bingo

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Hobo Blanket Bingo
Hobo Blanket Bingo

A hobo sitting on a blanket calls to you as you walk past: "Hey lady, wanna buy a genuine hobo fashion accessory?"

You look at the junk arranged in front of him. "Junk" is a charitable way of putting it -- this is some extremely shabby merchandise.

"Now, now," he says, "I know what you're thinking -- this is some extremely shabby merchandise."

"I hate that joke," you say.

"Sorry. But look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Or lack thereof?"

"Exactly. Here, look at these shoes. They used to be my own, but you could still walk a mile in 'em. Hell, you could shuffle off to Buffalo in these old soft shoes."

"How did you get a perfectly round hole in the sole of this one?"

"I cut that on purpose -- it's so you can tell where you are by the feel of the ground."

"...Huh," you say.

"And here we've got a genuine hobo stogie. Can't find a better smoke than that."

"It looks like a regular cigar. Actually, it looks like a two-inch butt from an already-smoked cigar."

"Yep. But it's special slow-burning tobacco -- there's a week's worth of smoke left in that butt. Tastes like burning socks, but you won't find a better value for your nickel. And you won't have any worries about mosquitoes or gnats or blackflies while you've got that thing lit."

"Or lengthy conversations."

"Well, hobos are loners as a general rule, you know? Here, look, I saved the best for last: it's a bar of soap, with a piece of rope through it so you can hang it around your neck. I call it 'Rope With Some Soap On It'. So, what do you think?"

"I still think this is extremely shabby merchandise."

"Well, yeah. But hey, at least it's cheap."

You rifle through your pockets and determine that you currently have X hobo nickels.


Buy the shoes for 250 hobo nickels

Feeling preemptive buyer's remorse, you fork over the nickels and claim your extremely shabby merchandise.

Softshoes.gifYou acquire an item: old soft shoes

Buy the stogie for 200 hobo nickels

Feeling preemptive buyer's remorse, you fork over the nickels and claim your extremely shabby merchandise.

Cigarbutt.gifYou acquire an item: hobo stogie

Buy the soap for 150 hobo nickels

Feeling preemptive buyer's remorse, you fork over the nickels and claim your extremely shabby merchandise.

Ropesoap.gifYou acquire an item: rope with some soap on it

Leave

You decide you've already got enough useless junk. You also decide to leave the marketplace entirely.


Without enough nickels:

You can't afford that particular piece of worthless junk. Ironic, eh?


Occurs as a choice in the Garment District subadventure in Hobopolis Town Square.

References

  • The title of this adventure is based on the title of the 1965 movie Beach Blanket Bingo.
  • The line "I cut that on purpose -- it's so you can tell where you are by the feel of the ground." appears to be a reference to Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, specifically the character of Commander Sam Vimes, who was capable of just such a feat. As it were.