You slam open the first bathroom stall, and there's no one in there. The second stall has an occupant, but not a hobo elf -- you should probably apologize later. Finally, in the third stall you find a hobo elf trying to make a Crimbo cookie by heating dough in a spoon with a lighter. "Hey! Get outta here before I jingle your bells!" he shouts, leaping at you.
You open the bathroom door and find a grizzled hobo elf giving himself a sponge bath in the sink. He shouts, "Eeek! You brute!" and bum rushes you.
You slam open a door to a bathroom stall and find a hobo elf trying to roast chestnuts over a can of sterno. "Hey! A little privacy, longshanksh!" he shouts, and swings a tiny fist at you.
As you open the bathroom door, you see a hobo elf decking the stalls with boughs of holly. When he sees you watching, he shouts, "you're working for the alien yaks, aren't you?" and attacks.
You hear giggling coming from one of the stalls. You kick in the door and find a hobo elf, a female CRIMBCO elfployee, and some mistletoe. The elfployee leaves, you fight your gag reflex, and the hobo elf attacks you for cock-blocking.
You try to open the door, but something's blocking it. You shove as hard as you can, but the door doesn't move. Thankfully, your shoving woke up the sleeping hobo elf that was propped against the door. Unfortunately, he smashes the top off his bottle of peppermint schnapps and comes at you.
As you enter the bathroom, you see a hobo elf sitting on a portable photocopier. "Gah, does the butt-copying ever stop?!" you shout.
"Just as soon as the butt-kicking starts, tall one," the elf shouts, aiming a flying kick at your head.
You hear drunken singing coming from one of the bathroom stalls. Thankfully, when you kick the door in, the hobo elf in there isn't sitting on the toilet, just kneeling in front of it. Did you know elf vomit smells like nutmeg? It's true! Oh, and did you know that elf is about to kick your ass? It's true!
You hear someone in a stall singing a song about how your grandmother got run over by a reindeer. You kick open the door and see a hobo elf, holding a candy cane shiv and just daring you to do something about the smack he's talking about your grandma.
He stuffs your stocking. Argh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
He pelts you with glass ornaments. They shatter on impact, festively lacerating you. Ooh! Ugh!
He tosses a wreath around your neck, then yanks the ribbon connected to it until you fall over. Oof! Ugh!
He tosses a couple of Crimbo crackers at you. They explode with a series of tiny bangs, causing a series of tiny welts. Ouch! Ow!
He plugs in one end of an old set of Crimbo lights, then sticks an empty socket over your finger. BZZZZT! Argh! Eek!
He grabs some chestnuts that were roasting on an open trash fire, and pelts you with them. Ouch! Ooh! (hot damage)
He utters a strange, ululating cry. A toothless yeti smashes an arm through the bathroom window and uses it to strangle the life out of you. Argh! Eek!
He stops to stuff a nearby stocking.
He throws some ornaments at you, but you're too ornery to let them hit you.
He tosses a Crimbo cracker at you, but it's already been cracked.
He tries to toss a wreath around your neck, but you keep your hand at the level of your eyes.
He tries to strangle you with Crimbo lights, but you avoid festive strangulation.
He starts to stab you with a candy cane, but decides to eat it, instead.
He stops to go panhandle for more eggnog, candy canes, and peppermint schnapps. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: bottle of rum (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: bottle of tequila (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: bottle of whiskey (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: white lightning (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Mad Train wine (20% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: candy cane (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: eggnog (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Wint-O-Fresh mint (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Crimbo fudge (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Crimbo peppermint bark (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Crimbo candied pecan (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: bindlestocking (.33% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: sleeping stocking (.33% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: The Joy of Wassailing (.33% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Tales of a Kansas Toymaker (.33% chance)*|
|You gain 7.5 <substat>.|
Occurs at the CRIMBCO WC.
- The name and image of the Hobelf is randomly generated, with the same possibilities as the Hobelf from Crimbopolis.
- This monster is still encountered while falling-down drunk.
- The bindlestocking, sleeping stocking, The Joy of Wassailing and Tales of a Kansas Toymaker are all conditional drops.
- The first intro message copies a gag from Family Guy showing Cookie Monster baking cookie dough in a spoon, comparing his love of cookies to heroin addiction.
- The last intro message refers to a grandma's fate in Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.
- The miss message referring to "your hand at the level of your eyes" is a reference to The Phantom of the Opera, both the book and the musical, in which it was the prescribed defense against the Phantom's "Punjab lasso" used to strangle his foes.
- The Critical Hit message refers to the Yeti's unfortunate end in Rudolph's tale.