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Monster ID 128
Locations The Dark Neck of the Woods, Pandamonium Slums
Hit Points 52
Attack 52
Defense 46
No-Hit 62
Initiative 90
Meat None
Phylum demon
Elements hot
Resistance None
Monster Parts nucleus, electron
hellion cube
Pickpocket unstable quark
Accordion accord ion
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Hellion You're fighting a Hellion

This is a charged atom of Infernium. It's larger than you might think. And deadlier..

Hit Message(s):

He crispins you square in the glover. That's gotta sting. Ugh! Ooh! Ooh! (hot damage)

He hits you with a rogue electron. Isn't it ionic? Don't you think? Ouch! Oof! Ugh! (hot damage)

He hits you with several neutrons. You start burning, doing the neutron dance. Argh! Ugh! Ooh! (hot damage)

He positively hits you with a proton. The overall effect for you is negative. Ooh! Ugh! Oof! Oof! (hot damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He draws you into his outer valence and batters you with his electrons. The hair on your neck stands on end, then bursts into flames. Yeooowch! Ugh! Ugh! Ouch! (hot damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to crispin your glover, but you back up and move on to the future.

He tries to hit you with an electron, but can't figure out exactly where you are and how fast you're going.

He tries to hit you with a neutron, but you dance around so fast he can't hit you.

He tries to hit you with a proton, but isn't positive how to do so.

Fumble Message:

He suddenly starts decaying before your eyes. Looks like he's reached his half-life. A small halo forms as he decays. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Cube.gifYou acquire an item: hellion cube (29.7% chance)*
You gain 13 <substat>.

Occurs at The Dark Neck of the Woods and Pandamonium Slums.


  • Using Pickpocket on this monster may yield an unstable quark from about 20% of pickpocket attempts.
  • On August 16th, 2010 this monster's image was changed. The original image was:
  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    You notice a strangely accordion-like bit of the monster's nucleus.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    With tweezerlike accuracy, you reach into the hellion's nucleus and pluck out the tiny accordion.
    Acc14.gifYou acquire an item: accord ion


  • The picture of the Hellion is a Bohr model of the element He-1, an ion of Helium with an extra electron. The atom is in an unusual and unstable excited state (1s12s2, two electrons in the outer shell), which may explain why it is so angry. And large. And deadly.
  • A Hellion is an unruly person, but the monster's name is a play on words (it's a Hell-ion).
  • The name could refer to the song "The Hellion" by Judas Priest.
  • One of the attacks alludes to a lyric of the song "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette, "Isn't it ironic ... don't you think?"
  • The third hit message is a reference to the song "Neutron Dance" by The Pointer Sisters whose lyrics go "I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance".
  • "He crispins you square in the glover" refers to the actor Crispin Glover, whose full name is Crispin Hellion Glover. He played George McFly in the film Back to the Future.
  • The second miss message is a reference to quantum physics' Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle which states that you can never definitely determine both the position and the momentum of an elementary particle at the same time.
  • The last miss message may refer to the Hellion's picture. Since the atom has an extra electron, it is negatively charged, and therefore is not positive. It may also refer to the fact that the Hellion is attempting to hit you with a proton, which is a positively charged subatomic particle, and may further refer to an old chemistry joke, a variation of which is as follows:
A proton walks into a bar, tells the bartender his wife just left him, and asks for seven shots of whiskey. The bartender looks at the despondent proton and says "You sure?" to which the proton replies "I'm positive."
  • The fumble message contains references to the first-person shooters Half-Life and Halo.
  • The fumble message also refers to the physical term half-life, when an charged atom decays -- emitting light.