Heimandatz, Nacho Golem
| Heimandatz, Nacho Golem | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 704 |
| Locations | Anywhere after defeating the béarnaise zombie |
| Hit Points | 150 |
| Attack | 115 |
| Defense | 103 |
| Initiative | 60 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | construct |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Quest | secret tropical island volcano lair map |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting Heimandatz, Nacho GolemYou find your path blocked by... well, you're not sure what it is, exactly, but it's pretty gross. It appears to be a giant pile of thin triangular shards of something, coated with a viscous, bright orange sludge. You know, actually, it looks just like the world's largest pile of nasty truck-stop nachos...
Oh. Uh-oh.
The pile begins to quiver, and then quake. The chips begin to slide across each other and link edge to edge, glued in place by the "cheez" that oozes between the cracks. You stand transfixed in awe as the mass of nachos reconfigures itself into that horrible eight-foot tall humanoid monstrosity that you never truly believed existed: Heimandatz, the Nacho Golem. It looks like Lumpy has been recruiting some of the other terrors forsaken by the Source. Not good.
Hit Message(s):
It splashes burning-hot cheez at you. It's like napalm, only with more cholesterol. Eek! Ugh! Eek! Eek!
It slices you with the razor edge of one of its stale chips. It makes wounds and rubs salt in them at the same time -- efficient! Argh! Ooh! Oof! Ooh!
It tosses jalapeños at you. Two of them land perfectly on your eyes, pouring raw pain into your skull. Eek! Ow! Ugh! Argh!
It pokes you in the <forehead> with one stale chip. Ow! Ouch! Oof! Argh!
It stabs you in the roof of the mouth with one of its chips. Don't you hate that? Eek! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh!
It rams a pseudopod straight down your throat. You gag on the taste as your pores and arteries clog. It's a lot like every meal you ate in college. Ow! Eek!
It tosses jalapeños at you, but you snap them out of the air with your mouth. Delicious!
It pokes you with a chip, but the chip has liquified from being covered in cheez.
It splashes burning-hot cheez at you, but you focus your chi and dodge.
It tries to stab you in the roof of the mouth, but you keep your mouth closed (for once).
It splashes cheez across your face, but you eat it before it can do any damage.
It collapses momentarily, the weight of its cheez too much to be supported by the increasingly soggy chips. There really ought to be more quality control on golems. (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: secret tropical island volcano lair map |
 | You acquire an item: Heimandatz's heart |
 | You acquire an item: friendly cheez blob |
| You gain 28 <substat>. |
Notes
- This monster cannot be copied.
- Will only occur for Saucerors, after defeating your Nemesis in the Dark and Dank Sinsister Cave, and all the wandering assassins up to and including the béarnaise zombie.
- Like all wandering monsters, this monster occurs at any
adventure.phplocation, and may be encountered while falling-down drunk.
References
- The name is a pun. It is pronounced similarly to "Hey man, that's not your golem."
- "Heimandatz" is an anagram of "Mad at Heinz."
