|The Hermit humbly requests that this page be rewritten or expanded.
The following is a bare-bones roadmap for hardcore players of what absolutely needs to be accomplished to ascend during a no-path run; i.e., all of The Council of Loathing's quests, and the sub-quests that need to be completed to make them possible. It will also cover some of the basic time-savers that should be a part of nearly every path, especially for 0- or low-permed-skill players.
- 1 Notes
- 2 Legend
- 3 Checklist
- 3.1 Level 1: Toot Oriole Quest
- 3.2 Level 2: Spooky Forest Quest
- 3.3 Level 3: Typical Tavern Quest
- 3.4 Level 4: Boss Bat Quest
- 3.5 Level 5: The King of Cobb's Knob Quest
- 3.6 Level 6: Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest
- 3.7 Level 7: Undefile the Cyrpt Quest
- 3.8 Level 8: Mt. McLargeHuge Quest
- 3.9 Level 9: Orc Chasm Quest
- 3.10 Level 10: Giant Trash Quest
- 3.11 Level 11: Quest for the Holy MacGuffin
- 3.12 Level 12: Mysterious Island Quest
- 3.13 Level 13: Naughty Sorceress Quest
- 4 Old Checklist
- 5 Useful Semi-rare items
- 6 Item Optimizations
- 7 Optional Quests and Items
- As this checklist assumes you've played through the main quest already once in order to unlock Hardcore, spoilers abound. You were warned.
- The notes sections in the table will often have helpful item to clear quests, but for the more complex quests, some of it has been left to the appropriate quest page. Check those for more details and strategy.
- While the article has been laid out in Level order to organize what you need for each quest, it does NOT guarantee the most efficient route, which is dependent on a number of variables - what drops, what skills you have, your class, your stats, your adventures remaining, etcetera. Generally, items that can be safely taken ahead of order are in blue, but you can also use the Safe Moxie column to determine where you are okay to adventure. A fully sortable table with Moxie and Initiative is available at Safe Adventuring. (On the flip side of the coin, you may frequently want to skip the blue columns to push the Council quests forward to get better gear, consumables, and rewards.)
- For simplicity's and efficiency's sake, the checklist will assume you're taking a Knoll sign.
- Items where the optimal play may be dependent on other factors have been listed in italics to indicate you have choices.
- Because of the huge variety of items available to a softcore player, optimal softcore items and routing may be significantly different from below.
|White cells indicate mandatory items required to complete an ascension.|
|Items in italics indicate items that players can choose among in order to complete an ascension.|
|Purple cells indicate items that will be necessary later in the ascension, but may be more efficient to collect earlier.|
|Green cells indicate useful items that may result in a net savings in turns.|
Level 1: Toot Oriole Quest
As simple as it gets: obtain the letter from King Ralph XI from The Toot Oriole and pop it open. Ah, but now you need to get to Level 2. If you're not going to eat something (like an astral hot dog), you have a couple of options, but given that you'll need Meat and will almost certainly have rat whiskers later, your best bet may be starting at the The Dirt-Walled Hovel of the Pretentious Artist.
|The Sleazy Back Alley||11 Moxie||pail of pretentious paint||Pretentious Artist Quest||Finishing this quest will allow you to turn in rat whiskers for 50 Meat apiece, and given that hardcore runs are usually Meat-starved early on, this is likely an efficient trade of adventures for meat for you. If you need booze early, it may be worthwhile to start at The Sleazy Back Alley, where there are frequent Mad Train wine drops. Keep in mind that you will need to go to the Outskirts of Cobb's Knob for the Level 5 quest, so it may be worth wrapping up this quest later if you level to 2 quickly.|
|Outskirts of Cobb's Knob||12 Moxie||pretentious paintbrush|
|The Haunted Pantry||14 Moxie||pretentious palette|
|The Sleazy Back Alley||11 Moxie||bum cheek||Boss Bat Quest||If you're adventuring here, also keep an eye out for the bum cheek, which is one way you can get the Stench Resistance you'll need for the Level 4 quest.|
Level 2: Spooky Forest Quest
Another easy-peasy jaunt, so it may be worthwhile to stick around (especially if you're still below level 3) to unlock The Hidden Temple, which will be necessary at Level 11. Everything you need to do here can be positively influenced by -combat.
|The Spooky Forest||15 Moxie||mosquito larva||Spooky Forest Quest||The first time you get Arboreal Respite, choose Explore the stream → March to the marsh.|
|Spooky Temple map||Quest for the Holy MacGuffin|| Getting these three will unlock The Hidden Temple and is very likely a quicker route than helping "Dakota" Fanning. You'll need to get Arboreal Respite to come up another four times. Each time it does:
Level 3: Typical Tavern Quest
- PREREQUISITE: Must have completed the Spooky Forest Quest.
|Tavern Cellar||20 Moxie||rat whiskers||Meat Farming||You'll pick these up along the way; they can be turned in after the Pretentious Artist Quest. The most efficient route through the Cellar is heading straight down to the bottom row, and then straight left. (Straight left to the left row, then down works too.) If you do that, the rat faucet will be found in one of the four bottom-left squares.|
|N/A||Baron von Ratsworth's monocle||+itemdrop||After you find the rat faucet, you can find A Tiny Mansion by exploring the far side of the Cellar (left side or bottom side) you hadn't yet uncovered. Baron von Ratsworth scales with your stats and your ascensions, but for an extra 1-5 adventures, may be a worthwhile kill. (Note that you can use a monster aggravation device to influence his drop, as well - see detuned radio, below.)|
|50 Moxie||tangles of rat tails||Quest for the Holy MacGuffin||If you find yourself with both sources of +ML and the stats to keep yourself alive, using it when exploring the Cellar increases the chances you will fight a drunken rat king instead of the base drunken rat(s). The tangle of rat tails will be useful to save turns in A Small Pyramid.|
|A Barroom Brawl||20 Moxie||2 beer lenses||Campground Equipment||While you're here, getting into the Brawl will likely net you some booze, but what you're really looking for is a pair of beer lenses, which drop off of unemployed knob goblin(s). They combine together to make beer goggles, and eventually, a bartender-in-the-box.|
Day One: Hermitage
As you reach the end of your first day, if you have Meat to burn, now may be a good time to unlock The Hermitage so you don't miss out on a day's worth of clovers. As clovers can save you a lot of turns at the start of Level 4, this is also a good time to grab them in advance.
|The General Store||N/A||1 hermit permit||Clover Farming||100 Meat. The hermit permit allows trade at The Hermitage.|
|chewing gums on strings||50 Meat each. Chewing gum on a string has a chance of producing a worthless trinket, worthless gewgaw or worthless knick-knack, which can be traded at The Hermitage for an item. (See the chewing gum page for details on "forcing" the worthless items.) Among other things, these trades are a guaranteed source of clovers, which can be used to save significant amounts of adventures. The stock of clovers replenishes each day, and is influenced by your number of ascensions.|
Level 4: Boss Bat Quest
Things really start to open up around Level 4. In addition to dealing with the Boss Bat, around this time is when you can start to advance the Spookyraven Manor Quest and work on unlocking Desert Beach and your Campground Equipment to save turns. You'll also likely be able to start doing your necessary Daily Dungeon runs safely.
As mentioned in the previous section, if efficiency is your goal, this is a good time for clovers. You'll probably want 2-5 of them by this point, if possible, depending on your class and skills.
You have three basic goals in The Bat Hole:
- Gain access to Guano Junction in The Bat Hole, which requires you to have at least 1 Stench Resistance to enter.
- Gain access to the Batrat and Ratbat Burrow, the Beanbat Chamber, and The Boss Bat's Lair, either by using sonars-in-a-biscuit or defeating screambats.
- Kill the Boss Bat.
|The Bat Hole Entrance||24 Moxie||Pine-Fresh air freshener||Boss Bat Quest||You'll need at least 1 Stench Resistance to move forward to Guano Junction, so if you don't have it by now, the Pine-Fresh air freshener drops off of pine bats here and will do the trick.|
|Guano Junction||28 Moxie||up to 3 sonars-in-a-biscuit||Boss Bat Quest||The bats here drop sonars-in-a-biscuit, and each one of those can be used to open up a sub-zone of The Bat Hole without fighting through enemies until you reach and kill a screambat. Using a clover here will give you 2 sonars-in-a-biscuit if you have none in your inventory. Using 2 clovers is probably overkill; you can either farm the third sonar-in-a-biscuit or just work your way through the Beanbat Chamber without one (for reasons that will be made clear in two rows).|
|1 briefcase||Cap'm Caronch Quest||Don't go out of your way to farm these, which can drop from a briefcase bat, but keep an eye out for them. They're one way to get through The Infiltrationist later on, and if you have extras, they are usable for extra Meat.|
|Beanbat Chamber||31 Moxie||1 enchanted bean||Giant Trash Quest||The beanbats here have a chance to drop an enchanted bean, which you'll need in Level 10 to warp-zone your way into the sky.|
Shopping Spree: Bitchin' Meatcar Quest and Campground Equipment
How are your Meat reserves? If good, this may be a good time to start in on your campground equipment, not to mention unlock access to Desert Beach and handle a couple other odds and ends. To take care of those two goals, we're going shopping. You are born under a Knoll sign, right? If not, getting this stuff is going to require significantly more murder in Degrassi Knoll.
|The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store||N/A||1 spring||Bitchin' Meatcar Quest||508 Meat total (including the 100 you will need to craft a meat stack). Turn it in at your guild and you'll gain access to Desert Beach for far less than the price of a Desert Bus pass.|
|1 empty meat tank|
|The General Store||1 sweet rims|
|The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store||N/A||1 spring||Bartender-in-the-box||20 Meat each. One spring for each of these you'll be making is sufficient; the other parts will have to be farmed.|
|The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store||N/A||1 spring||Meat maid||340 Meat total (including the 100 you will need to craft a meat stack). We'll also need a few more farmed parts for this, which we will acquire later.|
|1 empty meat tank|
|1 frilly skirt|
|1 maiden wig|
|The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store||N/A||detuned radio||+ML||300 Meat. If you've got the meat to burn, there are plenty of times where increasing your ML is valuable, both for the stats and some better drops, leading to a potential gain in turn efficiency. This is an easy and cheap way to get up to 10 +ML.|
|Innabox's Garage||N/A||rusty screwdriver||Orc Chasm Quest||Before you grab this, head to The Untinker's Cottage to get the Untinker Quest. Untinkering access, in combination with the optional Cap'm Caronch Quest you'll be doing anyway, will save significant time and/or clovers during the first part of the Orc Chasm Quest.|
Legendary Epic Weapon Quest: It's Boxing Day
- PREREQUISITE: Mainstat of 12.
Generally, we're not doing this quest for the Legendary Epic Weapon, although depending on what other drops you have, the bonuses it provides may lead to efficiency along the way. No, the big draw here is ensuring that you get enough boxen to get your bartender-in-the-box and/or chef-in-the-box. If you're not going to be doing any cooking or mixing that requires adventures, you should probably skip this quest altogether, though there are still a few useful things at The Unquiet Garves.
|The Unquiet Garves||33 Moxie||your class' Epic Weapon||Campground Equipment||Necessary to unlock The "Fun" House. Bring it back to your guild to do so.|
|1-3 smart skulls||Drops from the Smart Skelton. You'll need one of these for each of your bartender-in-the-box, chef-in-the-box, and meat maid.|
|1 dead guy's watch||Free Turns||Drops from the grave rober, and will give you +1 adventure every day if you have it equipped at rollover.|
|1 grave robbing shovel||The Wizard of Ego Quest||Also drops from the grave rober, and will be necessary later on if we're going to unlock the Tower Ruins (which we are).|
|1 loose teeth||Naughty Sorceress Quest||You'll have other chances to acquire it so don't farm, but if you happen to get both of these to drop, you can combine them for the necessary skeleton key.|
|1 skeleton bone|
|The "Fun" House||30 Moxie||1-2 boxen|| Bartender-in-the-box
|One box for each.|
|37 Moxie||your class' Legendary Epic Weapon||Legendary Epic Weapon Quest||If, while farming boxen, you end up with at or near 4 Clownosity, you may want to push through until you can equip it and get Adventurer, $1.99, which will let you fight The Clownlord Beelzebozo for the missing ingredient to your Legendary Epic Weapon. Too complex a calculation to determine if it's worth it here, though.|
Campground Equipment: Getting Ahead (Or Three)
- PREREQUISITE: Mainstat of 11 (18 for second part of quest).
Once you've assembled the mechanical parts for your campground equipment, all that's left are the final touches, and by "final touches" I mean "dismembered headparts and such". Roll up your sleeves!
- First, you'll want to pick up The Wizard of Ego quest from your guild. It's available at the opposite trainer from your class. We're not going to do all of it, just enough to get you into the Tower Ruins.
- Then, make sure you've got a few pre-requisites wrapped up:
- You're definitely going to want one ten-leaf clover for every campground item you're going to make - otherwise you may end up wasting more turns than you save.
- If you're making a bartender-in-the-box and didn't get the 2 beer lenses from A Barroom Brawl previously, go grab those.
- If you didn't have the Meat to wrap up all your shopping at Degrassi Knoll beforehand, do that too.
|Outskirts of Cobb's Knob||12 Moxie||1 chef's hat||Chef-in-the-box||You'll need one hat if you're crafting a Chef-in-the-box. It also drops at The Haunted Kitchen and The Haunted Pantry, but less frequently, and if you're at Level 5 at this point, you can make progress here towards The King of Cobb's Knob Quest, too.|
|The Unquiet Garves||33 Moxie||Fernswarthy's key||Campground Equipment|| If you didn't get the grave robbing shovel yet, adventure here until you have one (though if for some reason you're already at Level 7 and doing the Undefile the Cyrpt Quest, a rusty grave robbing shovel from The Defiled Alcove works too). Once you bring it back to the questgiver and talk to them a couple of times, if your mainstat is 18 you'll get the key back and get access to The Ruins of Fernswarthy's Tower.
|Tower Ruins||28 Moxie||1-3 disembodied brains||You could farm here for brainsweepers, but that will take quite a bit of time. Instead, simply walk into the Tower Ruins with a ten-leaf clover and you'll get I've Gotta Crow, which will give you one guaranteed. Do that for every campground item you're going to make.|
At this point, you should have everything you need to craft your meat maid, as well as your bartender-in-the-box and/or chef-in-the-box if desired. Craft 'em, install 'em, and enjoy your better living through science!
Spookyraven Manor: First Floor
It's required that you work your way through the second floor of the Spookyraven Manor Quest in order to complete the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin, but access has its advantages beyond that. In particular, it's a great farming spot for stats later in the run. Go on and use the telegram from Lady Spookyraven you received when you ascended, if you haven't already.
|The Haunted Kitchen||32 Moxie||Spookyraven billiards room key||Spookyraven Manor Quest||After every combat, you'll open between 1-4 drawers; the key will be in the 21st drawer you open. You can open more drawers by equipping more Stench Resistance and/or Hot Resistance.|
|The Haunted Billiards Room||35 Moxie||Spookyraven library key||Spookyraven Manor Quest||The goal here is to get your Pool Skill high enough (at least 14, 18 for a guaranteed win) to hustle the ghost in Welcome To Our ool Table. Check the Pool Skill page for suggestions.|
|The Haunted Library||38 Moxie||Lady Spookyraven's necklace||Spookyraven Manor Quest||A guaranteed drop from the fifth writing desk you defeat.|
|1 killing jar||Quest for the Holy MacGuffin||These drop off of the banshee librarian; having one will save you some time later exploring The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert.|
Turn the necklace back in to Lady Spookyraven and access to Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor is yours. There are some valuable things you may want to do up there, but we'll cover those in a later level.
Though the keys you get here won't be necessary until the Naughty Sorceress Quest, you can only run The Daily Dungeon once a day, so you'll want to start doing that early enough in your ascension that you don't end up time-locked at the end of it.
|The Daily Dungeon||30 Moxie||1 Boris's key||Naughty Sorceress Quest||In hardcore, you can expect to spend 15 adventures on the Dungeon each day.|
|1 Jarlsberg's key|
|1 Sneaky Pete's key|
Level 5: The King of Cobb's Knob Quest
Next stop: Cobb's Knob, after you pick up the Cobb's Knob map from the Council. You'll have your choice of possibilities here: either acquire the Knob Goblin Harem Girl Disguise, which is more straightforward but potentially longer, or the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform, which requires an outlay of 1,000 Meat (if you haven't already upgraded your kitchen) but can be one-shot quickly with a semi-rare adventure.
Either way, remember going forward that the outfit will enable you to visit the Cobb's Knob Treasury once a day to pick up an easy 500 Meat.
|Outskirts of Cobb's Knob||12 Moxie||Knob Goblin encryption key||The King of Cobb's Knob Quest||The key will drop on your 11th adventure in the zone.|
|Cobb's Knob Harem||40 Moxie||Knob Goblin harem veil||Knob Goblin Harem Girl Disguise||If you acquire the veil and pants before you get the perfume, you can put the outfit on and go back into the Harem to get one turn's worth of the perfume effect, allowing access to the Throne Room.|
|Knob Goblin harem pants|
|Knob Goblin perfume|
|Cobb's Knob Barracks||40 Moxie||Knob Goblin elite helm||Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform||If you can queue up a semi-rare adventure here, you'll fight a Knob Goblin Elite Guard Captain, who will drop all three parts of the uniform for you at once.|
|Knob Goblin elite pants|
|Knob Goblin elite polearm|
|Cobb's Knob Kitchens||N/A||Knob cake pan||Knob cake||While wearing the uniform, your first three adventures in the zone will drop the three parts of the cake you'll need.|
|The General Store||N/A||Dramatic™ range||1,000 Meat. You'll need this to bake the cake, which you should do. Once you're wearing the uniform and have the cake, you'll be able to access the Throne Room.|
Side Trips: White Pixels, White Animals
At this point, you can probably handle both the 8-Bit Realm and Whitey's Grove for a few necessary / helpful items, and potentially a bit of leveling if you need it. You can get access to Whitey's Grove at your guild if you've completed the Bitchin' Meatcar Quest - otherwise, you'll have to wait until Level 11.
|The Crackpot Mystic's Shed||N/A||continuum transfunctioner||Naughty Sorceress Quest||Talk to the Crackpot Mystic to get this, then equip it and head to The Inexplicable Door to access the 8-Bit Realm.|
|8-Bit Realm||35 Moxie||digital key||Naughty Sorceress Quest||To get the key, which is required for ascension, you'll need to turn in 30 white pixels at The Crackpot Mystic's Shed. When you're counting your pixels, remember that the CM can also combine a set of red pixel, blue pixel, and green pixel to make a white pixel.|
|3 black pixels||If you find yourself with extra pixels, the CM can make 3 black and 2 red into a red pixel potion, which is one item that can be used on floor 5 of the Naughty Sorceress' tower.|
|2 red pixels|
|Whitey's Grove||48 Moxie||1 bird rib||Quest for the Holy MacGuffin||The rib drops from whitesnakes and the oil drops from white lions; you can then cook the two together into a wet stew that will save you some time in The Palindome.|
|1 lion oil|
|mullet wig||Cap'm Caronch Quest||Another potential piece for The Infiltrationist, if you happen to encounter The Only Thing About Him is the Way That He Walks.|
Level 6: Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest
This is an extremely straight-forward quest, but the real benefit is that it allows you to go for Liver of Steel, which will allow you more drinks - and therefore, more adventures - every day. As such, you'll probably want to do this one as soon as possible once you hit Level 6.
|The Dark Elbow of the Woods||58 Moxie||eldritch butterknife||Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest||The third non-combat in each zone will drop the quest item; you're guaranteed to get them at 5, 10, and 15 adventures if you haven't yet, but they can be sped up by -combat.|
|The Dark Heart of the Woods||60 Moxie||box of birthday candles|
|The Dark Neck of the Woods||62 Moxie||dodecagram|
|3 hot wings||Cap'm Caronch Quest||These drop in all three Dark zones, and later in the Pandamonium Slums once you've cleared the Copse. Again, another potential disguise for The Infiltrationist, and arguably, the easiest one to get.|
|1 ruby W||Naughty Sorceress Quest||If one happens to drop here, you can use it as part of your Wand of Nagamar down the road.|
Once you've got all three required items, shuffle off to The Deep Fat Friars' Gate to cleanse the taint, complete the quest, and don't forget your daily buff at the Copse of the Deep Fat Friars from here on out.
Azazel, Ma Belle: Steeling Your Liver
- PREREQUISITE: Completion of the Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest.
Once you've completed the Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest, The Deep Fat Friars' Gate will now take you to Pandamonium. When there, ya boy Azazel will ask for your help with some talisman retrieval, and off you go!
|Infernal Rackets Backstage||70 Moxie||5 bus passes||Azazel, Ma Belle||Needed to get Azazel's tutu.|
|beer-scented teddy bear|| You'll have to turn four of these in to Sven Golly at the Hey Deze Arena to solve the logic puzzle and get Azazel's unicorn. Sven's page has all the details you need, but the short form is as follows:
|gin-soaked blotter paper|
|The Laugh Floor||80 Moxie||5 cans of imp air||Needed to get Azazel's tutu.|
|observational glasses||Dropped by Larry of the Field of Signs, who will be the third comedian you fight after Carbuncle Top and Victor the Insult Comic Hellhound. You'll get a comedian after 5 adventures in the zone if you haven't already, then you'll get one if you've had 4 adventures without one. Strangely, though, in this zone it's +combat that makes those fights more likely. When you've shown Larry the deal, equip all three items dropped by the comedians and Talk to Mourn out front; you'll get Azazel's lollipop in addition to some Meat and stats if you do all three options.|
|Moaning Panda Square||N/A||Azazel's tutu||Once you've got the 5 cans of imp air and 5 bus passes, going to the Square will allow you to trade them to a man of wealth and taste and get Azazel's tutu in return.|
|Azazel's Temple||N/A||steel margarita||Once you have all three talismans, turn them in and Azazel will nefariously give you a steel margarita; go ahead and pound it (it won't make you overdrink) to unlock your Liver of Steel and be able to handle 5 more drunkenness per day.|
Detour: Islandhopping Garb, Man
- PREREQUISITE: Desert Beach unlocked.
At this point, with your liver hardened, you're going to need more booze and mixin's. It might be reasonable, then, to unlock the Mysterious Island of Mystery. You'll have to do it anyway by the time you start the Cap'm Caronch Quest, but the draw here right now is access to The Hippy Store, which will sell you all the fruits you need for both pies and mixed drinks.
|The General Store||N/A||1 dingy planks||Mysterious Island of Mystery Access||400 Meat for the planks; 1,500 Meat and 9 adventures for the plans. To get the dinghy plans, you'll need to take three trips at The Shore, getting three Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip, and turning them in at the gift shop. With low +item% 9 adventures will almost certainly save time over the Hippy Boatman Quest, your other option. Combine the plans and the planks to get your dingy dinghy.|
|The Shore, Inc.||1 dinghy plans|
|The Hippy Camp||51 Moxie||1 filthy knitted dread sack||Mysterious Island Quest||You will need either the two-part Filthy Hippy Disguise or the three-part Frat Boy Ensemble to complete the Mysterious Island Quest, but as noted, the Filthy Hippy Disguise will also let you shop at The Hippy Store while wearing it.|
|1 filthy corduroys|
Level 7: Undefile the Cyrpt Quest
There's not really a "pick this up" section of the Level 7 Quest: it's just a straightforward clearout of all four subzones of The Cyrpt, followed by killing the Bonerdagon in The Haert of Darkness. Each of the four subzones has an approach to make it quicker; check out the quest page for details.
- Safe Moxie for the subzones is between 65-69, with the sub-bosses requiring 87-89 and the Bonerdagon requiring 101.
Spookyraven Manor: Second Floor
Lady Spookyraven has moved upstairs since the last time we saw her, and when you chat her up you'll find out she's ready for dancin'. Completing this floor of the Spookyraven Manor Quest is required for ascension (the third floor is not), and there are a few more helpful things you can pick up along the way.
|The Haunted Gallery||70 Moxie||Lady Spookyraven's dancing shoes||Spookyraven Manor Quest||Get to Louvre It or Leave It and take the middle option until you get to The Persistence of Memory. Then, take the top option.|
|The Haunted Bedroom||Lady Spookyraven's finest gown||After you kill an elegant animated nightstand, choose Open the single drawer to get the gown.|
|disposable instant camera||Quest for the Holy MacGuffin||Kill an animated ornate nightstand, then pick Look under the nightstand. This will save some turns in The Palindome later.|
|Lord Spookyraven's spectacles||Kill an animated ornate nightstand, then pick Look behind the nightstand. This will save some turns during our final trip to Spookyraven Manor.|
|The Haunted Bathroom||Lady Spookyraven's powder puff||Spookyraven Manor Quest||Drops off of the cosmetics wraith in Never Gonna Make You Up.|
After you've returned Lady Spookyraven's garbage, head to The Haunted Ballroom to dance with her and complete this part of the quest. The second floor of Spookyraven Manor has a bunch of ten-leaf clover adventures that are great for powerleveling, and in The Haunted Ballroom you can summon up the Strung-Up Quartet to play songs to buff you on the rest of your run (you'll probably want to turn Combat Frequency down by 5%).
Cap'm Caronch Quest: Everything But The Poop
- PREREQUISITE: Access to The Mysterious Island of Mystery
If you've got your island access already, you can do nearly all of the Cap'm Caronch Quest now. You're definitely going to want to do it before you start the Orc Chasm Quest at Level 9, and we'll come back for one last part during Level 11 to help unlock The Palindome.
|The Obligatory Pirate's Cove||79 Moxie||eyepatch||Cap'm Caronch Quest||Your first step is to acquire the Swashbuckling Getup, the parts of which drop off the pirates here. Be sure to check the location page for the various non-combats that are guaranteed to drop a piece. Equip it, and you'll be able to run around The Obligatory Pirate's Cove.|
|1 stuffed shoulder parrot|
|1 swashbuckling pants|
|Barrrtleby's Barrrgain Bookstore||N/A||The Big Book of Pirate Insults||Cap'm Caronch Quest||500 Meat. Even if you're an accomplished fencer who knows all the insults by heart, you still gotta guy - I mean, buy - the book for this quest.|
|1 abridged dictionary||Orc Chasm Quest||1,000 Meat. Pricey but worthwhile: take it to The Untinker's Cottage (see Level 4 if you haven't unlocked him already) and you'll get back a bridge and a dictionary, the former of which will save you a lot of turns around Level 9.|
|Barrrney's Barrr||93 Moxie||Cap'm Caronch's Map||Cap'm Caronch Quest|| Here are your steps:
|Cap'm Caronch's nasty booty|
|Orcish Frat House blueprints|
|Cap'm Caronch's dentures|
|The F'c'le||110 Moxie||1 ball polish||Cap'm Caronch Quest||Finally, adventure in The F'c'le until you get all three of these items to drop; use them all. Then one more adventure in The F'c'le will earn you your pirate fledges and unlock access to The Poop Deck. We won't be coming back there, though, until we have started the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin in earnest.|
|1 mizzenmast mop|
|1 rigging shampoo|
Level 8: Mt. McLargeHuge Quest
Next up: a little recreational mountain climbing.
|Itznotyerzitz Mine||68 Moxie|| 3 chunks of asbestos ore OR
3 chunks of chrome ore OR
3 chunks of linoleum ore
|Mt. McLargeHuge Quest||A visit to The Trapper's Cabin will let you know which ore is required for your run. You'll need to collect the Mining Gear if you want to do this step by hand, but the far easier route is 3 clovers, which will give you one of each ore each time you use one for a mine adventure.|
|The Goatlet||78 Moxie||3 wedges of goat cheese||They only drop off of the dairy goat, so anything you can do to force those fights will help. Turn the cheese and ore back in at The Trapper's Cabin to unlock the next two zones.|
|The eXtreme Slope||85 Moxie||1 eXtreme mittens||Mt. McLargeHuge Quest||Your next step is getting to the top of The Mist-Shrouded Peak, which requires 5 Cold Resistance. If you get all three parts of the eXtreme Cold-Weather Gear here, you can equip them and keep adventuring on the slope to get Discovering Your Extremity, which after a few non-combat adventures will unlock access to the Peak. As a nice bonus, the outfit supplies the 5 Cold Resistance you need to finish the quest.|
|1 eXtreme scarf|
|1 snowboarder pants|
|Lair of the Ninja Snowmen||160 Moxie||1 ninja rope||Mt. McLargeHuge Quest||Alternatively, you could collect the three parts of the ninja gear for your inventory, but there are a few drawbacks - first, you need to wait for ninja snowman assassin fights, which can't be accelerated unless you have +combat%, and the assassins are heavy hitters. Further, even though getting the three parts will give you Peak access, you'll still need another way to get 5 Cold Resistance to adventure there.|
|1 ninja carabiner|
|1 ninja crampons|
Level 9: Orc Chasm Quest
- PREREQUISITE: The King of Cobb's Knob Quest
For Level 9, smutty orcs and freaky peaks are in your future.
|The Smut Orc Logging Camp||95 Moxie||morningwood planks||Orc Chasm Quest|| To cross the Chasm, you're going to need 30 total lumber (the planks) and 30 total fasteners (screws, joints, caulk). While they drop off of almost all enemies in the Camp, there are two much quicker ways to get the necessary supplies:
|raging hardwood planks|
|long hard screws|
|messy butt joints|
|A-boo Peak||88 Moxie||A-Boo clues||Orc Chasm Quest|| Nothing is required to get through the Peaks of The Highlands - with nothing else, you can grind out each of them in 50 turns and call it a day. The Highlands is really a test of efficiency. The three peaks all let you get a number of different items that help on the other two; there's a good list of synergies on the quest page you should check out. An abridged (heh) discussion of the main ones:
|Oil Peak||95 Moxie||1 jar of oil|
|Twin Peak||104 Moxie||pairs of rusty hedge trimmers|
|gold wedding ring|
Level 10: Giant Trash Quest
(Also, The Hole in the Sky.)
|Use the enchanted bean on the coffee grounds in the The Nearby Plains.|
|The Penultimate Fantasy Airship||?||Materia||Castle||Use noncombat buffs. Trade in the SOCK. Be aware of Conditional Adventures and delay.|
|Amulet or Titanium Umbrella; Mohawk wig||Used in Castle noncombats to unlock deeper access.|
|The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky||?||Unlock Ground||Giant Trash Quest||Certain items from the PFA can be used during noncombats to speed this along.|
|Unlock Top Floor|
Level 11: Quest for the Holy MacGuffin
Getting the Diary
MacGuffin in the Desert
Level 12: Mysterious Island Quest
Level 13: Naughty Sorceress Quest
Scaling the Tower
NOTE: Items are currently being moved out of the old checklist below into the sections above. Data in the table below may not be accurate.
Useful Semi-rare items
Some semi-rare items can prove very useful for completing certain quests. The table below lists a few such items.
|The Hidden Temple||-||Baa'baa'bu'ran||Can drop 3 handfuls of stone wool for a speedy Hidden City unlock|
|Harem||20||Scented massage oil||Defeating your shadow|
|The Valley of Rof L'm Fao||68||All components for 64735 scroll||Completing the optional level 9 A Quest, LOL|
|The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky||95||Mick's IcyVapoHotness Inhaler||Completing the Recover the Sisters' Meat level 12 sidequest|
|One of the 2 pre-war camps (hippy or frat) and the Cove||30 (45 for cove)||3 different potions: +100 to specific stat||Aiding to defeat otherwise difficult bosses (except the sorceress of course)|
- It's easier to get the skeleton key needed for the Naughty Sorceress Quest by assembling its respective parts as shown above, but they are also available from Room 3 of The Daily Dungeon.
- Some of these items can be obtained by zapping instead of collecting them at the locations mentioned here.
Optional Quests and Items
- Whether or not it's worthwhile to finish building the helpful but optional 31337 scroll instead of advancing to the (more stat-lucrative) Icy Peak or The Haunted Gallery depends on many factors: how easily you can survive battling there, your character's item drop skills, how many of the 3 parts you already have, whether or not there are other items you still would like in that area, and whether you have a spare zap that might convert useless scrolls into the ones you need. Accordingly, it's difficult to give a blanket recommendation for that item.
- If you are born under a friendly Knoll sign and thus can quickly and quite cheaply obtain all the components of a meat engine as well as tires, completing the Bitchin' Meatcar Quest remains the best way of gaining access to the Desert Beach. Otherwise you might consider creating a pumpkin carriage (if you possess the relevant campground equipment) or purchasing a desert bus pass instead.
- Getting a Meat Maid grants four extra adventures at rollover, then again for characters not born under a Knoll sign it is arguable whether it justifies the adventure cost of obtaining meat engine components, a frilly skirt and a maiden wig from Degrassi Knoll. The other two items you'll need, the disembodied brain and smart skull, are both drops that can take many turns to get normally (the brain being the much harder of the two). However, you can get each of them by using a clover in their respective areas. And if you've already completed the Cyrpt Quest, you can get both items at once by using a clover in the upgraded Cemetary. Adventurers on the Oxygenarian path can almost always justify building a maid, even if they have to stay in the Knoll a little longer, as those four extra turns per day really add up over a long run.
- The Mysterious Island subquest items are not listed, as these should be self-evident for whichever subquests you choose to complete. Determining which subquests are beneficial to complete relies on many factors, including which side you are on, permed skills, etc. For more information, visit the Mysterious Island Quest page.
|Rankings:||HC Skills - HC Familiars - HC IotMs|
|General:||Class selection - Familiar usage - Semi-rares - Clovers|
|Paths:||BHY - Fist - AoB - BI - ZS - AoJ - BIG! - KOLHS - CA2 - AoSP - SS - HR - Picky - Ed - Random - AoWoL - Source - NA - GN - LtA - L.A.R. - PF - G-Lover - DD|
|Additional Paths:||DG - 2CRS - KoE - PotP|
|IotMs:||Tomes - Faxing - Copying - YR - Garden - Correspondent - Workshed - Tea party - Florist|