Guzzlr Client Selection

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Guzzlr Client Selection
Guzzlr Client Selection

Welcome, valued Guzzlr team member! Select a tier below to accept a client.

With a client in progress:

You can abandon this client and take a different one, but that EULA you didn't read limits you to one cancellation per day.

You have completed X Bronze Tier deliveries.

You have completed X Gold Tier deliveries.

You have completed X Platinum Tier deliveries.

With Gold locked:

Make 5 Bronze Tier deliveries to unlock Gold Tier clients!

With Platinum locked:

Make 5 Gold Tier deliveries to unlock Platinum Tier clients!

Abandon Client

You give up on that delivery.

Bronze Tier

You select a Bronze Tier client, <name>, a <species> from <location>.

<name> wants:


Gold Tier  [limit 3/day]

You select a Gold Tier client, <name>, a <species> from <location>.

<name> wants:


Platinum Tier  [limit 1/day]

You select a Platinum Tier client, <name>, a <species> from <location>.

Platinum Tier customers receive personalized Guzzlr cocktails. Premium ingredients have been dispatched.

An autonomous drone arrives almost immediately, dropping off a set of fancy cocktail fixings.

Guzzlrcock.gifYou acquire an item: Guzzlr cocktail set

Don't take a client right now

Maybe later.

Occurs on using your Guzzlr tablet.


  • Abandoned deliveries count against your daily limit for Gold and Platinum tiers.
  • While on a delivery (and only while possessing the requested drink), you get messages after successful combats indicating your lack of ability to find your client, or that you have finally been successful.
After the fight, you glance around looking for <client>. There's no sign of them.
You look inside <place>, but there's no sign of <client> there.
You tap a random <species> on the shoulder and ask if they're <client>, but they aren't.
You finally manage to track down <name>.
  • Clients offer rewards of Guzzlrbucks and stat points after you give them their delivery. On the combat in which you meet your client, Guzzlrbuck reward is increased by having Guzzlr pants equipped, while stat gain is increased by having Guzzlr hat equipped.
    • Bronze tier clients offer 2-4 Guzzlrbucks and 10 of each stat.
    • Gold tier clients offer 5-7 Guzzlrbucks and 50 of each stat.
    • Platinum tier clients offer 20-25 Guzzlrbucks and 150 of each stat.
  • Each subsequent client delivery of the day takes an increasing number of combats.

Client Locations

Search progression

  • Whenever you make progress in your searches of the client, a hidden value, which starts at 0 each delivery, is incremented by X, where X is 11 - Delivery of the day, floored at 3.
  • If you were wearing the Guzzlr shoes during the fight, progress is increased by Y instead, where Y is X * 1.5, rounded down.
  • A search is over when the hidden value gets equal to or greater than 100. Progress is kept across rollover, and can be resolved with as little as a single combat on the next day, if sufficient.
nth successful delivery of the day X Combats required Y Combats required with Guzzlr shoes
1 10 10 15 7
2 9 12 13 8
3 8 13 12 9
4 7 15 10 10
5 6 17 9 12
6 5 20 7 15
7 4 25 6 17
8+ 3 34 4 25

Drinks requested

  • Bronze clients can ask for almost any(?) tradable drink, typically of low or minimum mall price. Gold clients can ask for any tradable booze that has at least 100 in the mall priced at 10,000 meat and below.
  • Platinum clients only accept any of the following:

Clients generation

  • Species include (the names are randomly generated from different wordbuckets):
    • Alien
      • Pokbov Jupfoz
      • Tikbaz Sectik
      • Vazfod Pelvob
      • (seems to use the same naming schema as Voting Booth alien candidates)
    • Attorney
      • Clara Mercer, Esq.
      • Arlette McPherson, Esq.
    • Gamer
    • Hobo
      • Dandy "Halitosis" McDurkeee
      • Jake "Rottencrotch" Westinghous
      • Mickey "Curiously Dense" Nichols
      • Quinn "Candy Cane" Mills
      • Quinn "Poo-Gas" Nicholson
      • Ralph "Dart-Hurling" Capulet
      • (Uses Hobopolis Hobo names?)
    • Pirate
      • Comprehensive Reynaldo Chartreuse
      • Extra Jack Goat
      • Female Steven Rose
      • Fleshy Jack Crimson
      • Individual Jack Blue
      • Principal Jack Lizard
      • Signed Jack Pig
    • Scientist
      • Dr. Benny Jones
      • Dr. Chip Shelton
      • Dr. Jane Hale
      • Dr. Patrick Simmons
      • Dr. Ralph Cooke
    • Skeleton
      • Coccyx Salisbury
      • Femur Nite
      • Fibula Lennon
      • Skull Hernandez
      • Skull Stemple
    • Sorority Orc
      • Ainsli Whittingstall
      • Brittni St. Cloud
      • Danni Sheltonbury
      • Missi Witchburn
      • Staci Hillings
    • Vampire
      • Barnabas Ogletomb
      • Cassius Bloodbane
      • Gabriel Greysteam
      • Lucius Burnsweat
      • Remus Grodgrave
      • (Uses Dreadsylvania vampire names?)
  • Each species type has a unique ending message:


"Thank you for this delivery of entertaining hu-man fluid. Please accept this hu-man gratuity."


"Thank you. This will help me with my... legal matters. Here, take this for your trouble."


"Thank you. This will provide energy for my intense gaming needs. Please accept this tip."


"Don't mind if I do! And here, don't mind if you do either."


"Arr. Thanks. This'll set my sheets to the wind. Have a couple of pieces of eight for your trouble."


"The reagent! At last! Thank you, here's your consultation fee."

Faq skeleton1.gif

"Thanks! Say, you didn't happen to bring a mop, did you? No? Oh well. Oh right, here's your tip..."


"Omigod, thank you thank you thank you! Here, here's a little something for your trouble. Byeeeee!"


"Blah. Here."