Guy with a pitchfork, and his wife
|Guy with a pitchfork, and his wife|
|Locations||The Haunted Gallery|
|Monster Parts||arm, head, leg, torso|
You walk into the center of the gallery, and hear an impatient throat-clearing sound from behind you. You wheel around and see an old man with a pitchfork, standing next to a plain, stern-looking woman. They must've come out of one of the paintings.
"I reckon you oughta get off my property!" says the man, as he levels his pitchfork at you and they begin to slowly advance toward you.
He pokes you in the <groin> with a pitchfork. Eek! Oof! Eek! Ooh! Argh!
He hits you with the handle of his pitchfork while she gives you a stern talking-to. Argh! Oof! Argh! Argh! Ooh!
She produces a rolling pin from the folds of her dress and smacks you in the calf with it. Oof! Ow! Argh! Ouch! Ooh!
He spears you on his pitchfork, raises you over his head, and spins you in a circle. His wife clocks you in the head with her rolling pin every time you spin past. All in all, it's a devastating combo attack. Ooh! Ouch! Ooh! Eek! Oof!
She gives you a nasty, disappointed look, but this isn't the first time you've disappointed a woman, so you escape unscathed.
He comes at you with his pitchfork, but you yell "Hey!"
"Hay?" he shouts, "Where!?" and wanders off looking for it.
He lunges at you with his pitchfork, but his glasses fall off and he misses you by a country mile.
They move toward you, but you say "If you two are so Gothic, where were you when we sacked Rome?"
They pause and look at each other, confused. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 40-60 Meat (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)*|
|You acquire an item: pitchfork (5.2% chance)*|
|You gain 27-28 <substat>.|
Occurs at The Haunted Gallery.
- This monster counts as a group (of size two). It takes manifold damage from area-of-effect skills such as Wave of Sauce.
- This is a reference to the famous painting American Gothic, although in the painting the man and woman are intended to be father and daughter (portrayed by the artist's sister and dentist) rather than husband and wife.
- The fumble message paraphrases a t-shirt slogan (popular among both goths and those would would like to disparage goths) referring to the contribution of the Goth invaders to the fall of the Western Roman Empire.
- Prior to May 14, 2014 this monster had significantly higher stats (109 attack, 110 defense, 120 HP).