Grignr, the Seal Clubber

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Grignr, the Seal Clubber

Grignr, the Seal Clubber is located in the Brotherhood of the Smackdown.

  • As Seal Clubber:
    • On initial visit:
      Greetings, <Player Name>! I am Grignr, head Seal Clubber for the Brotherhood. Things are quiet around here at the moment, but check back with me later, and perhaps I'll have a task for you."
    • On subsequent visits:
      Sorry, <Player Name>, but there's not much going on at the moment. Try back later.
    • Later visit:
      "<Player Name>! I have grave news! An incredibly dangerous artifact, guarded by our guild for generations, has been stolen by your Nemesis! You must recover it from her before he discovers how to use it, or great catastrophe will surely ensue!"
      "Wait, what? Since when do I have a Nemesis?" you ask.
      "Anyway, this is not the time for such argument. Your Nemesis is rumored to lair within the Big Mountains, but I fear you have not the required mettle to defeat him. You must recover and master the Legendary Epic Weapon of the Seal Clubber before you have any hope of victory. It will be a long and arduous task -- are you prepared?"
      "Too bad. The first step will be to smith for yourself an Epic Weapon. You must seek out the two oldest and wisest men in the kingdom -- one will provide you with the first part of the weapon, and also, if you approach him on the correct day, the good fortune necessary to win the second part from the other, who runs the casino. One of his myriad games of chance will provide what you seek, with luck. The third part of the Epic Weapon is up to you to locate.
      "The town's meatsmith will provide you with the knowledge required to construct the Epic Weapon; I will grant you the Meat necessary to purchase the proper tool. Once you have completed the weapon, return to me."
      Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
    • On return (with Epic Weapon):
      "Ah, you have completed your Epic Weapon! Well done, <Player Name>!
      Your next task will be to unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon. To do this, you must travel to the Nearby Plains, to that place of horrors known only as The "Fun" House, and slay the Clownlord Beelzebozo. Only he possesses the materials you will need to complete your weapon. Return to me after you have done this. Remember, time is of the essence!"
    • On return (with Legendary Epic Weapon):
      "You've recovered the Legendary Epic Weapon! Well done, <Player Name>! Now all that remains is to defeat your Nemesis and recover our artifact. Unfortunately, it seems that the fiend has hidden himself well. I have some people searching for him now; return in a little while, and I should be able to give you his location."
    • On return (after defeating Gorgolok, the Infernal Seal (Inner Sanctum))
      "Nice hat. Did you get the artifact back from your Nemesis?"

      "What?" you ask. "I kind of assumed this hat was it."

      "No. You mean you defeated your Nemesis, and that was all you found?"

      "Well, he did sort of escape afterwards."

      "Terrific," he sighs. "he must have hidden it somewhere else. Probably has a secret tropical island volcano lair or something. All right, I'll get our guys on trying to find out where he's hiding. When they find something, I'll let you know."
    • After second hit man:
      "<Player Name>! Thank goodness you're here -- some pretty shady characters have been asking about you."

      "Yeah, I had a run-in with some of them," you mutter darkly. "It looks like there's a price on my head."

      "Your Nemesis' work, I'll wager. I wish I could tell you we'd tracked down his location, but he's proving to be devilishly sneaky. You'd better watch your back."

      "Yeah, thanks."
  • As Turtle Tamer:
    • On initial visit:
      The Seal Clubber looks up as you approach, and grunts noncomittally. "You must be the new Turtle Tamer. I'm Grignr, the strongest Seal Clubber in the Brotherhood -- and don't you forget it! What are you hanging around here for, anyway? Haven't you got anything to do?"
    • On subsequent visits after The Wizard of Ego is complete:
      Grignr growls "Get lost, I'm busy!" and you decide that discretion is the better part of not getting punched really hard.

The Wizard of Ego

  • On initial visit:
    Grignr glares at you. "Are you still here? Looks like you just volunteered for a quest! Shut up and listen, I'm only saying this once.
    Out in the Nearby Plains, there was a mighty wizard named Fernswarthy, whose lair was a great stone tower filled with all manner of diabolical magics. A few years ago, he was killed by his own sorcery, and the tower destroyed -- and good riddance! His treasure was never found, though, and we think it's buried under the wreckage of the tower. The tower gates are too strong to open ourselves, and we think the key was buried in the Misspelled Cemetary with Fernswarthy's body.
    I'll mark the location of the Cemetary on your map. Go get the key, and bring it back here. Be quick about it!"
  • On subsequent visits:
    Grignr scowls at you. "Have you brought me Fernswarthy's key? No? What the hell are you standing around here for, then? Get to it!"
  • With Fernswarthy's key:
    Grignr looks surprised as you hand over Fernswarthy's key. "You actually got it? Looks like I lost my bet with Gunther. Bah, now I have to go find someone to search that bloody tower. Here's some meat, go spend it somewhere away from me."
Meat.gifYou gain 500 Meat.
  • Next visit:
    "Guess what? I couldn't find anyone else to check out the ruins of Fernswarthy's tower, so you've just volunteered again. Congratulations." With a sneer, Grignr gives you the key you found earlier, and makes some notes on your map. "Here's the location of the ruins. Get out there and find that crazy old loon's treasure, and don't come back empty-handed!"
Fernkey.gifYou acquire an item: Fernswarthy's key
  • On subsequent visits:
    Grignr sees you approaching, and growls at you. "If you haven't finished searching the ruins, I'd better not see your face until you do!"
  • With dusty old book:
    Grignr looks aggravated when you hand over the book you found. "That's it? That's just an old copy of the Manual of Labor! Keep the stupid thing, we've got tons of those already. Bah, I should have known it wasn't worth the trouble to mess with that crumbling old ruin. Well, what are you standing around here for? Go find something to do, I'm busy!"
Book3.gifYou acquire an item: Manual of Labor


  • Grignr is the name of the main character in the infamous fantasy story "The Eye of Argon".