Government scientist

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Government scientist
Monster ID 1633
Locations The Secret Government Laboratory
Hit Points 150
Attack 200
Defense 200
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
experimental serum G-9, heavy-duty clipboard, battery-powered drill
Manuel grimy lab coat
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
government scientist You're fighting a government scientist

As you walk into one of the little laboratories in the building, you see a scientist hunched over a microscope, peering into it intently. You cough to announce your presence, and she spins around. You're relieved to not see madness in her eyes--then less relieved when you see that's because one eye has been replaced with a complex and grotesque array of circuitry. There's plenty of madness in the one remaining eye, actually, now that you look at it. You notice her hair is matted and grimy, and there are curious stains on her lab coat.

She holds a finger up to her lips, which are twitching unpleasantly, and while she does that her other hand grips the microscope and prepares to hurl it at you.

Hit Message(s):

She breaks the top off an Erlenmeyer flask and slashes you with it. Eek! Ooh! Ooh!

She lights a bunsen burner and ignites your <nipple> with it. Ooh! Oof! Ugh! Ouch! Eek! Ugh! Argh! (hot damage)

She pours a bottle of acid on your <kidney>. Ooh! Ugh! Oof!

She swabs you with a deadly pathogen. You vomit profusely. Ooh! Eek! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Ouch! Ouch!

She whips a broken petri dish at you like a tiny razor-sharp frisbee. Ugh! Oof! Eek!

She whips microscope slides at you like tiny glass shuriken. Yeowch! Ugh! Ouch! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

She opens her mouth in a silent scream. Her dreadlocked hair stands on end and multiple scalpels, shards of broken glass, and various electrical accouterments rise into the air, and hurl themselves at you. (CRITICAL HIT!)

Miss Message(s):

She slashes at you with a broken Erlenmeyer flask, but you dodge.

She tries to burn you with a bunsen burner, but you block with a beaker.

She tries to pour acid on you, but the acid's in a Klein bottle, so it won't come out.

She tries to swab you with a deadly pathogen, but you pathologically refuse to get sick.

She whips a broken petri dish at you, but the amoebae living in there unbalance its flight and she misses.

She gestures to the microscope and to your crotch. You feel like you should be offended, but you laugh it off.

Fumble Message:

She opens her mouth in a silent scream. The lights in the room start to blink on and off, and all the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Before she can unleash telekinetic hell, though, she has a coughing fit and has to stop. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 23-27 Meat
Lightvial.gifYou acquire an item: experimental serum G-9 (15% chance)*
Clipboard.gifYou acquire an item: heavy-duty clipboard (5% chance)*
Powerdrill.gifYou acquire an item: battery-powered drill (10% chance)*
Mutagen.gifYou acquire an item: airborne mutagen (10% chance)*
With full Manuel entries:
Labcoat.gifYou acquire an item: grimy lab coat (10% chance)*

Occurs at The Secret Government Laboratory.