Gourd conspiracies

Random conspiracy theories, seen in these encounters:

• A Blow Is Struck!
• Hold the Line!
• The Moment of Truth
• Goodbye Fnord

A few examples:

• The McDonalds Corporation is planning to resurrect John Lennon via a plot to taint public Television stations with termites
• The Republican Party wants to prevent the Singularity, and plans to achieve this by polluting the public airwaves with sarin gas
• The frozen head of Walt Disney is going to use sexist Twitter posts to contaminate fertility clinics, in order to prevent the Singularity

There are 57 weapons, 16 methods, 35 targets, 29 goals and 56 groups, resulting in a total of 11,922,758,400 unique sentences.

Base sentences

• The combined forces of %GROUP and %GROUP are plotting to %GOAL by %METHODing %TARGET with %WEAPON.
•  %GROUP and %GROUP are working together to %METHOD %TARGET with %WEAPON, in order to %GOAL.
•  %GROUP is going to use %WEAPON to %METHOD %TARGET, in order to %GOAL.
•  %GROUP is planning to %GOAL via a plot to %METHOD %TARGET with %WEAPON.
•  %GROUP is planning to %METHOD %TARGET with %WEAPON in order to %GOAL.
•  %GROUP is working on a scheme to %GOAL by %METHODing %TARGET with %WEAPON.
•  %GROUP is working to %GOAL by %METHODing %TARGET with %WEAPON.
•  %GROUP is working with %GROUP to %GOAL by %METHODing %TARGET with %WEAPON.
•  %GROUP has teamed up with %GROUP, and they plan to %GOAL by %METHODing %TARGET with %WEAPON.
•  %GROUP wants to %GOAL, and plans to achieve this by %METHODing %TARGET with %WEAPON.

%WEAPON

• alien DNA
• anthrax
• asbestos
• assassination squads provided by %GROUP
• BHT
• brominated vegetable oil
• carbon nanotubes
• Chemical X
• computer viruses
• demon blood
• DOS attacks
• ectoplasm
• estrogen
• gamma waves
• genetically modified bacteria
• ghosts
• high-fructose corn syrup
• hypnotic suggestions
• hypno-rays
• internet petitions
• lead paint
• LSD
• malware
• microwave radiation
• moles
• nanites
• nanobots
• nanomachines
• negative energy
• propaganda
• psilocybin
• red #4
• ricin
• saccharin
• sarin gas
• secret agents
• sexist Twitter posts
• sleeper agents
• socialism
• sodium pentathol
• stem cells
• termites
• testosterone
• thalidomide
• the T-virus
•  %WEAPON and %WEAPON
•  %GROUP's black ops teams

%METHOD

• adulterate
• attack
• contaminate
• corrupt
• demoralize
• fill
• infect
• infest
• infiltrate
• overload
• pollute
• spike
• subvert
• taint
• undermine
• weaken

%TARGET

• airport baggage carousels
• airports
• ATMs
• blood banks
• cellphone towers
• coffee machines
• cornfields
• fertility clinics
• Girl Scout cookies
• our auras
• our bodily fluids
• our brains
• our bus terminals
• our electricity
• our subways
• our vital essences
• pinball machines
• popular music
• public television stations
• television sitcoms
• the country's water supply
• the Earth's core
• the Emergency Broadcast Network
• the government's computer databases
• the Internet
• the major credit-card companies
• the moon
• the nation's banks
• the nation's livestock farms
• the public airwaves
• the sun
• vaccines
• vending machines
• water treatment plants
• wheat farms

%GOAL

• abolish free speech
• abolish free thought
• aid the alien invasion
• control the world's air supply
• control the world's food supply
• control the world's water supply
• create the New World Order
• depose King Ralph and set up a puppet Parliament
• destroy %GROUP
• destroy the entire planet
• destroy the Free Market
• destroy the global economy
• establish a totalitarian World Government
• hasten the arrival of the Singularity
• immanentize the Eschaton
• mind-control our children
• pollute our vital essences
• prevent human contact with enlightened extra-terrestrials
• prevent the creation of a utopian World Government
• prevent the New World Order
• prevent the Singularity
• resurrect Hitler
• resurrect John Lennon
• resurrect Lenin
• resurrect Stalin
• subjugate the entire human race
• summon Yog-Sothoth
• take control of world finances
• turn the populace into mindless drones

%GROUP

• Al-Qaeda
• Aum Shinrikyo
• Baader-Meinhoff
• Blackwater
• Cartoon Network
• Elvis Presley
• Fisher-Price
• General Mills
• John Dillinger
• Majestic-12
• MI5
• MI6
• Monsanto
• NASA
• Number Two
• OPEC
• Opus Dei
• SMERSH
• Steve Jackson Games
• the AFL-CIO
• the Bilderberg Group
• the Church of Scientology
• the Church of the Subgenius
• the Communist Party
• the Cthulhu cult
• the Discordian Intelligence Agency
• the frozen head of Walt Disney
• the ghost of Robert Anton Wilson
• the Hashishim
• the Italian Mafia
• the McDonalds Corporation
• the military-industrial complex
• the Milkman
• the Moonies
• the NSA
• the Order of the Golden Dawn
• the Order of the Knights Templar
• the Ordo Templi Orientis
• the pharmaceutical consortium
• the Phoebus Cartel
• the Pope
• the Post Office
• the Republican Party
• the Rosicrucian Fraternity
• the Skull and Bones Society
• the Society of Freemasons
• The Taliban
• the Tea Party
• the telephone company
• the Trilateral Commission
• the TSA
• the Warren Commission
• the Weather Underground
• the Whig Party
• the World Professional Marbles Players Association
• Time-Warner Communications

References

• Steve Jackson Games has published several games, including (naturally) Illuminati! and Illuminati: New World Order.