- Go to The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp to talk to Gnorbert, the Elder Gnomad.
- Go to The eXtreme Slope to talk to Gn8than, the Sk8 Gnome.
- Go to The Sleazy Back Alley to talk to All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck, the Fingerless Hobo.
- Go to Pandamonium Slums in The Deep Fat Friars' Gate to talk to Marble, the Archfiend.
- Go to The Haunted Library to talk to Alice, the Ghostly Librarian.
- Go to The VERY Unquiet Garves to talk to Rick, the Slick Lihc.
- Go to the Cobb's Knob Kitchens to talk to Kevin'x, the Knob Goblin Chef.
- Go to The Spooky Forest to talk to Cindy, the Vampire Slayer.
- Go to the Noob Cave to talk to Glorificus Steinemus, the Ancient Wise Woman.
- Go to the Hippy Camp to talk to Ethereal Koi Blossom, the Hippy Vegan Chef, or, if you defeated the hippies in the Mysterious Island Quest, The Hippy Camp (Bombed Back to the Stone Age) to talk to Oogaka, the Hippy Cavewomyn.
- Go to Whitey's Grove to talk to Gannongast, the White Wizard.
- Go to The Penultimate Fantasy Airship to talk to Mist Angst, the Protagonist.
- Go to Lair of the Ninja Snowmen to talk to Tang Lung, the Ninja Snowman.
- Go to The Haiku Dungeon to obtain the red paperclip.
- Return to Lair of the Ninja Snowmen to get the really big tiny house.
- Return to The Penultimate Fantasy Airship to get the Non-Essential Amulet.
- Return to Whitey's Grove to get the white wine vinaigrette.
- Return to The Hippy Camp or The Hippy Camp (Bombed Back to the Stone Age) to get the cup of strong herbal tea.
- Return to the Noob Cave to get Curiously Shiny Ancient Evil-Bashing Axe.
- Return to The Spooky Forest to get the marinated stakes.
- Return to the Cobb's Knob Kitchens to get knob butter.
- Return to The VERY Unquiet Garves to get the vial of ectoplasm.
- Return to The Haunted Library to get the boock of darck magicks.
- Return to Pandamonium Slums in The Deep Fat Friars' Gate to get the EZ-Play Harmonica Book.
- Return to The Sleazy Back Alley to get the fingerless hobo gloves.
- Return to The eXtreme Slope to get Chomsky's comic books.
- Return to Gnorbert, the Elder Gnomad to finally claim your prize.
Ah, an Adventurer! Come closer, yougng one, I have a proposal that may interest you.
I seek a messegnger to make contact with our brother, Gn8than the Sk8 Gnome. He cagn usually be found on the eXtreme Slope. Even though he has shamed his family and his tribe by deserting the desert, we still wagnt to get in touch with him. For, though he is agn outcast, he borrowed our brother Chomsky's comic books and gnever returned them. If you bring the comics to me, I will reward you with a valuable piece of Gnomish technology that our Supertinker has developed, which will undoubtedly come in hagndy during your travels.
Hello agaign, Advegnturer. Have you had any success in locating our brother Chomsky's comic books? You are not ugnder any pressure to hurry, but gnaturally I cannot reward you until your task is completed.
Upon returning with Chomsky's comic books:
Ah, I see you have retrieved Chomsky's comic books from that gne'er-do-well, Gn8than. Now we can never speak of him again. Here is the reward I promised: a Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer. I didn't fully understagnd when Gnorman attempted to explain it to me, but as far as I could make out, it emits a burst of electricity at such a frequency that, if used to deliver the fignal blow to a monster, it somehow cognverts and redirects the monster's life-force to energize the user. The things that Gnorman comes up with, I tell you.
Anyway, here it is. Of course, you'll be gneeding the batteries too, and there's agnother little task I have for you. You see, ancient Gnomish legends tell of forty-eight mystical crystals, each attuned to one of the fugndamental elements of creation -- fire, water, doorknobs, and so forth -- and when collected, these crystals will reveal the location of the seventy-gnine lost fragments of a map which -- ow! What are you doing? Let go of my ear! Ow! All right, fine, here, take the batteries!
Sheesh, Adventurers these days...
|You acquire an item: Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer|
- This quest can only be undertaken if you have ascended under a moxie sign.
- The Hippy trade cannot be completed during the Mysterious Island Quest.
- The Hippy trade cannot be completed if you are in the Hippy Disguise.
- The Lihc trade cannot be completed if you have not completed the Undefile the Cyrpt Quest.
- Because the Protagonist trade cannot be completed before beginning the Giant Trash Quest, your level must be at least 10 to complete this quest.
- Despite Jick's dislike for the number 13, there are 13 items needed to finish this quest.
- Each task normally takes one turn, but can be overridden by Semi-Rare Adventures, Feast of Boris monsters, or assassins sent by your Nemesis.
- In total, this quest takes exactly 25 adventures, not including overridden ones.
- "Brother Chomsky" is a reference to Noam Chomsky, noted writer, philosopher, theoretical linguist and activist.
- The trade sequence, as well as your first item being a red paperclip, is a reference to the one red paperclip trade, where a man traded a red paperclip for better and better things, ending with a house.
- The title "Going Postal" references the fact that this quest is a parody of delivery or "Fed Ex" quests.