Goblin conspirator

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Goblin conspirator
Monster ID 1281
Locations The Gourd
Hit Points 25
Attack 20
Defense 20
No-Hit 30
Initiative 50
Meat 16-24
Phylum goblin
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Knob Goblin firecracker, Knob Goblin firecracker, goblin collarbone
Manuel Illuminati earpiece
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
goblin conspirator You're fighting a goblin conspirator

The goblin rushing toward you with a serious look on his face is dressed in a dark suit and necktie, with a pair of sunglasses and one of those little earpiece radios. He's also sporting an impressive collection of lapel pins -- the red cross of the Templars, an Illuminati eye-in-triangle, a Masonic emblem, logos of three different government bureaus, and several others you don't recognize. "Get out of the way, interloper!" he shouts at you as authoritatively as he can, given his shrill goblin voice. "We are authorized to use deadly force!"

"Authorized by whom?" you ask, readying your weapon.

"You aren't cleared for that information," he sneers, as he pulls a handgun from underneath his jacket.

Hit Message(s):

He karate-chops you in the side of the neck; it's particularly effective, because he's still holding his pistol. Oof! Argh!

He tries to shoot you, but is out of ammo, so he throws the gun at you. Astonishingly, it hits you, and really hurts! Oof! Ouch!

He punches you in the face on behalf of each shadowy conspiracy he works for. It takes a while. Ooh! Ow!

He shoots you in the <thigh> and <skull>, then asks you to turn around so he can get line of sight on your <groin>. Ow! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

The goblin conspirator pistol-whips you and then shoots you, adding injury to injury. Argh! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to karate-chop you, but obviously doesn't know anything about karate, and the side of his hand doesn't hurt nearly as much as his fist would have.

He tries to shoot at you, but his gun keeps going click and he doesn't seem to know what that means.

You point at one of the goblin's lapel pins, and ask what organization it represents. Turns out it's just merch from a webcomic he likes.

He shoots at you several times, then curses himself for not shelling out the extra money for prescription sunglasses.

Fumble Message:

The goblin nearly shoots himself in the foot when his gun goes off accidentally. He looks really surprised and embarrassed, and the two of you share a laugh. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 16-24 Meat (average: 20, stdev: 2)*
Firecrack.gifYou acquire an item: Knob Goblin firecracker (??% chance)*
Firecrack.gifYou acquire an item: Knob Goblin firecracker (??% chance)*
Collarbone.gifYou acquire an item: goblin collarbone (??% chance)*

Occurs at The Gourd.


  • This monster cannot be copied.