Glass of Orange Juice

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Glass of Orange Juice
Monster ID	515
Locations	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	350
Attack	220
Defense	198
No-Hit	230
Initiative	100
Meat	320-480
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, Lockenstock™ sandals, orange peel hat, round purple sunglasses, green clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Glass of Orange Juice

This hippy looks like your average, garden-variety hippy, except that he's completely naked, covered in various colors of body paint, and his eyes have giant spirals instead of irises or pupils. As you get closer, though, you hear him muttering to himself.

"I can't believe I turned into a glass of orange juice, man," he says. "At least I'm high in Vitamin C, man. I probably shouldn't have done those twenty tabs of acid at breakfast, man. I hope I'm pulp-free, because otherwise that'd just be gross. It's going to be tricky making it through life as a glass of orange juice, man."

Hit Message(s):

You try to smack him and your hand collides with something that's invisible and feels like glass. Weird. Argh! Eek! Argh! Ooh! Ow! Ouch!

You try to smack him and get orange juice all over your hand. Weird. It burns a little. Ow! Argh! Eek! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! (hot damage)

He bows towards you, and you taste orange juice. Weird. Then you encounter pulpy bits. Gross. Eek! Ouch! Ouch! Argh! Argh! Ow! (sleaze damage)

He raises his arms and does a glass-of-orange-juice dance. You really wish he'd kept his arms down, so you could keep your lunch down too. Ugh! Eek! Eek! Ow! Argh! Ooh! (stench damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He describes in great detail all of the adventures he's had while he was on drugs. The description of his hallucinations is partly amusing, but mostly boring. You chew the insides of your mouth to stay awake. Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Argh! Oof! Ugh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He doesn't seem all that interested in attacking, given that he's a glass of orange juice and all.

Fumble Message:

He curls up in the fetal position and mutters "I never really liked orange juice all that much. Does that mean I hate myself, man?" (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 320-480 Meat (average: 400, stdev: 33.07)*

You acquire an item: green clay bead (100% chance)*

You acquire an item: orange peel hat (100% chance)*

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (?% chance)*

You acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (?% chance)*

You acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (?% chance)*

You gain 55 <substat>.

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Occurs in The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)

Notes

• This monster cannot be copied.

Occurs between 901 and 999 hippie casualties, if at all.

References

• This adventure refers to an urban legend about a man who spent the rest of his life thinking he was a glass of orange juice after an overdose of LSD.
• Also a reference to the episode of The Simpsons, where, on a holiday in Japan, they enter a game show which leads to them falling in orange juice in an attempt to claim plane tickets to America. When Homer exclaims "It burns!!", the host mentions that it is "full of wasabi", a spicy paste made from a plant native to Japan.