Gift-a-pult Messages (stuffed)

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The gift-a-pult allows various gift items to be used in combat. Each item's combat message is preceded with "You load the <item> into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger."

Stuffcow.gif
Your opponent starts beating the crap out of it, not stopping until <it> hurts <its> self for X damage in the process.
Stuffbadger.gif
A snake leaps out of another dimension at the badger, sees that it's stuffed, then attacks him for 20 damage instead.
Stufffairyw.gif
It hits your opponent right in their eye. Yes, even if he doesn't have eyes you can see. It then dances, scouring said eye for 25 damage.
Stuffbander.gif
It flooms through the atomosphair, stritting him for a frumious 106 damage.
Stuffrat.gif
An angry adventurer swings a seal clubbing club at it but misses, hitting your opponent for 44 damage.
Stuffcan.gif
It bonks against him for an adorable 2 damage.
Stuffcarp.gif
A flock of birds suddenly appears because it's near, and pecks your opponent for 122 damage.
Stuffcaterpillar.gif
It exhales a puff of smoke at your opponent, and he gets choked up for 122 damage.
Stuffbitten.gif
It bonks against him for an adorable 23 damage.
Stuffedclub.gif
The club bounces ineffectually off your opponent, only dealing 1 damage.
Stuffcocoa.gif
It pecks him with its little felt beak, somehow doing 23 damage.
Stuffsword.gif
A giant stuffed stick figure holding a martini chases after the sword, trampling your opponent for X damage.
Stuffdod.gif
Turns out each of those fluffy arms conceals a poisonous barb, which do an aggregate 10 damage. Apparently, there aren't any consumer watchdog groups in Loathing.
Stuffdodo.gif
It pogos through the air like a yoyo, and lands on him for 109 damage.
Stufffairy.gif
It catches fire in mid-air, and burns him for 25 damage, with fire that is mystical and therefore not hot.
Stufffairy.gif
A chunk of frozen gravy falls out of it and hits him for 23 damage.
Stuffgho.gif
It coughs up some stuffing and re-stuffs itself with his innards, for 24 damage.
Stuffturk.gif
A horde of collectors stampedes after it, thinking it's the real thing, and tramples him for 25 damage.
Stuffhodg.gif
It mutters a stream of bizarre nonsense as it smacks <it> for ~ 11936 damage.
Stuffkey.gif
The key lands on your opponent and somehow unlocks <its> potential to take X damage.
Stuffmech.gif
It switches its phasers from 'hug' to 'hit for 23 damage,' and fires a shot.
Stuffmartini.gif
A giant stuffed stick figure holding a sword chases after the martini, trampling your opponent for X damage.
Stuffmeat.gif
A noob leaps up to catch the meat, and lands on <it> for X damage.
Stuffh.gif
It flays your opponent'ss' mind for 25 damage.
Stuffmink.gif
A hippy throws a bucket of paint at it (bucket and all), and misses, hitting your opponent for 42 damage.
Stuffpen.gif
It pulls out a toy kneecapping stick and hits him for 2459 damage.
Stuffmonocle.gif
It slices through your opponent for X damage. Woah, turns out the monocle had a razor-sharp edge. Hardcore, man.
Stuffninja.gif
It disappears in midair, and your opponent falls to the ground, sustaining X damage. Mysteeeerious.
Stuffwatch.gif
It bonks against him for a timely 125 damage.
Stuffdolphin.gif
It porpoisefully bonks its nose against him for 106 damage.
Stufflim.gif
It bites him for 5421 damage, saving him from the scourge of toy scurvy in the process.
Stufforb.gif
It looks enough like a real scary death orb that your opponent freaks out, runs blindly away, and smacks a wall for 22 damage.
Stufffairy.gif
It hits on him, then straight up hits him for 24 damage.
Stuffowl.gif
It delivers a letter to your opponent which reads, "you have just taken 23 damage."
Stuffspooshroom.gif
It lands near your opponent, and ignores him so hard that it does 24 damage.
Stuffbat.gif
It stabs him both vigorously and ineffectually. Fortunately, your opponent is allergic to felt, so he still takes 239 damage.
Stufffairy.gif
The stench coming off of it causes a buzzard to drop out of the sky and land on him for 25 damage.
Teddybutler.gif
It butles your opponent for X damage.
Stuffcaviar.gif
It lodges in one of your opponent's windpipe for a very posh X damage.
Stuffchest.gif
It opens in mid-air and dumps its contents on your opponent. Looks like it was full of X damage.
Stuffelbow.gif
It beats the stuffing out of your opponent for 23 damage.
Stuffwalrus.gif
It flaps its flippers against <it>, and <it> looks surprised that the walrus isn't just a head, as pictured. The flippers do X damage, by the way, goo goo ga joob.
Stuffyet.gif
The yeti attacks with all the felt-based rage it can muster, doing 1036 damage.
Stuffyoyo.gif
A nearby cat sees it go flying by and leaps after it, landing on your opponent and scratching for 21 damage.
Stuffzmo.gif
It gnaws on him with its little felt teeth, for 53 damage.
Gift-a-pult Combat Messages
A-E F-N O-Z stuffed