Gift-a-pult Messages (F-N)

The gift-a-pult allows various gift items to be used in combat. Each item's combat message is preceded with "You load the <item> into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger."

F

• fake fake vomit:

	The jar shatters on him, doing 10-12 points worth of disgusting shrapnel damage.

• fake hand:

	It bitchslaps <it> for 10-12 damage.

• fancy opera glasses:

	Light refracts through the glasses as they fall, blinding your opponent for 40-50 damage.

• flavored foot massage oil:

	It breaks open next to your opponent, and thankfully <it's> allergic to whatever chemical flavoring is in that stuff. <It> gets a rash that does about 10-12 damage.

• foam dart:

	It infringes upon a trademark and nerfs <it> for 10-12 damage. Your nerfed foe takes a moment to complain about it on a forum.

G

• garish pinky ring:

	A member of the penguin mafia watches your opponent catch it as it lands, then waddles over to beat <it> up (for 40-50 damage) and steal the ring.

• giant designer sunglasses:

	The glasses land on your opponent's face, and is an effective enough giant bug disguise that a giant bird attacks <it> for 40-50 damage.

• giant diamond ring:

	You hurl the diamond ring at your opponent. Being the hardest metal, the diamond deals 40-50 damage.

• giant stuffed bugbear:

	It lands on him and smothers him for 10000-12500 damage.

• gift-a-pult:

	It's just so... meta. Your opponent's mind is blown to the tune of 13871-14549 damage.

• gilded lily:

	It embeds itself in his liver, doing a lily-livered 2100-2500 damage.

• green balloon:

	It explodes next to him, and whatever helium knock-off it was filled with does 10-12 damage.

H

• happy Birthday, Claude! cake:

	He claude-hops over it, but trips and sustains 20-25 damage landing.

• heart necklace:

	The chain lands around <its> neck, and the cheap metal gives <it> a rash for 20-25 damage.

• heart-shaped balloon:

	It breaks against him for a heart-breaking work of staggering 20-25 damage.

• helm of the white knight:

	It clangs down on your opponent, doing 300-363 damage of its own invention.

• humpty Dumplings:

	Did you know that a high-speed dumpling in the face can cause up to 111 damage? Strange but true!

I

• innuendo:

	The innuendo embarrasses him for 4-6 damage, wink wink nudge nudge.

• insane tophat:

	And the greatest adventure the borgnine boys versus the death lobstrosion and erosion of daft principals of logical physics intravenously garbled by sun streaming nine borg boys death boys 206 boys.

J

• Jack-in-the-box:

	The head pops out and smacks <it> for 1000-1250 damage.

• jazz soap:

	Your opponent bends down to pick up the soap, and -- you're not sure what happened after that, but it did 12 damage. *jazz hands*

• joybuzzer:

	It doesn't seem to provide much joy to him as it shocks him for 10 damage.

K

• kevlar balloon:

	It discerns the mechanics underlying your opponent remaining hitpoints, and harvests 213 of them, though you'll need a bigger sample size to be sure of the distribution.

L

• left half of a heart necklace:

	The chain lands around his neck, and the cheap metal gives him a rash for %dmg damage.

• lobster qua Grill:

	Have you ever been smacked with a high-speed lobster tail? If not, you should ask your opponent how it feels, because he totally knows now. (HINT: It feels like 107 damage.)

• long-stemmed rose:

	Every rose has its thorn. In fact, this rose has about 1071 of them, and it scratches him with all of them.

• Loudmouth Larry Lamprey:

	The fish part doesn't do much damage when it hits, but the wooden plaque it's mounted to does X damage.

• LOV Extraterrestrial Chocolate:

	They hit your foe like little brown meteorites, causing 57 damage.

M

• mae West with a fly in it:

	The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes <it> for X damage.

• magical ice cube with a fly in it:

	It lodges in one of your opponent's windpipe, which doesn't do a lot of damage, but then <it> swallows an ice cube with a spider in it, and that does X damage.

• magical pony: Dusk Shiny:

	It does 15-25 with the power of Magic.

• magical pony: Pearjack:

	It does 15-25 with the power of Honesty.

• magical pony: Rosey Cake:

	It does 15-25 with the power of Humor.

• magical pony: Shutterfly:

	It does 15-25 with the power of Kindness.

• magical pony: Spectrum Dash:

	It does 15-25 with the power of Loyalty.

• magical pony: Uniquity:

	It does 15-25 with the power of Generosity.

• mandarina colada with a fly in it:

	The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes <it> for X damage.

• Microplushies:

Cannot be flung

• miniature stuffed Goth Giant:

	Its speech chip gets activated, and it recites terrible poetry until him suffers 21596 damage from intestinal throttling.

• mini-zeppelin:

	It bursts into flame next to him, doing 2235-2365 damage. Um, let's say it was a fire that was damaging, but not especially hot.

• missing wine:

	Nothing happens, and it somehow manages to cause 111 damage.

• mood ring:

	As it lands on your opponent, it turns black, the color of X damage.

• Mr. Balloon:

	He smiles at him until he has to turn away from his awesomeness, sustaining 6250 damage in the process.

• mugcake:

	It fires off 2 mug shots, each one a critical hit.

• mylar balloon:

	It pops near him, and him chokes on a scrap of the mylar for 102 damage.

• mysterious present:

	The box smashes into your opponent, dealing X damage and revealing... Nah, I don't wanna spoil the surprise.

Gift-a-pult Combat Messages
A-E	F-N	O-Z	stuffed