Giant giant giant centipede

Giant giant giant centipede
Monster ID	462
Locations	The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert
Hit Points	142
Attack	142
Defense	124
No-Hit	152
Initiative	50
Meat	120-180
Phylum	bug
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, leg, leg, leg, leg, leg
Drops centipede eggs, handful of sand, handful of sand
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a giant giant giant centipede

The centipedes of Loathing tend to be about two inches long. The giant centipedes are about a foot long, and the giant giant centipedes are about 6 feet long. You could probably extrapolate, then, that this one is 36 feet long, but you're too busy trying to avoid being bitten to extrapolate much of anything.

Hit Message(s):

It spears your <skull> with one poisonous leg. Yeow! Argh! Argh! Ouch! Ouch! Ugh!

It runs over you with at least half of its legs. It scares you half to death. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ouch! Ouch!

It coils itself around you and gives you 100 simultaneous noogies. Ooh! Argh! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh!

It chews on you with its poison-tipped mandibles. You've never been mandiblehandled like this before. Ow! Ouch! Argh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

It trambles you with all 100 of its poisonous feet. You probably should have shot it with a bunch of arrows to get it to divide into its various segments. Ouch! Oof! Ugh! Oof! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to spear you with a poisonous leg, but its name isn't Britney, so it fails.

It starts to attack you, but then realizes that 40 of its shoelaces are untied, and has to pause for a while to tie them again.

It starts to charge you, but some jarhead with a machine gun pumps a bunch of (ultimately ineffective) bullets into it.

It tries to chew on you with its mandibles, but you toss it some taffy and they get stuck together.

Fumble Message:

It shuffles toward you, but you give it a quick lesson on the square-cube rule and prove its existence is technically impossible. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 120-180 Meat (average: 150, stdev: 12.65)*

You acquire an item: centipede eggs (19.7% chance)*

You acquire an item: handful of sand (25.0% chance)*

You acquire an item: handful of sand (14.6% chance)*

You gain 35-36 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert.

References

• "It tries to spear you with a poisonous leg, but its name isn't Britney" is probably a reference to the song "Toxic" by Britney Spears.
• "Some jarhead pumping ineffectual machine gun bullets" is a reference to the movie Starship Troopers.
• "You probably should have shot it with a bunch of arrows..." is a reference to the video game Centipede.
• The "square-cube rule" dictates that, as the length of an object increases, its surface area increases by the square of the length, and the volume (and mass) increases by the cube of the length. This "rule" precludes the existence of "giant" terrestrial arthropods, as their body structure would not be able to support such an increased mass.
• The list of increasing sizes of giant centipedes may be a reference to Dungeons & Dragons, where giant centipedes come in different size categories, several of which match the sizes given here.