Giant castle map

giant castle map This is a map that appears to lead to the resting place of something called a "Quantum Duck." Intriguing. Type: usable Cannot be traded or discarded Quest Item (In-game plural: giant castle maps)

View metadata Item number: 667 Description ID: 286327518 View in-game: view refreshedit data

Obtained From

Obsoleted Areas/Methods

The Penultimate Fantasy Airship

F-F-Fantastic! (one time drop)

When Used

• If the Procrastination Giant is not guarding the back door:

You start to follow the map through the back door of the Castle, but the door is guarded by a mean-looking Alphabet Giant. Looks like you'll have to figure out some way to get the guard away from the door.

• Procrastination Giant guarding the back door but without a giant needle in inventory:

You duck through the unguarded back door of the Castle, and follow the map into the mess hall for the Giant Guard. As you run across one of the tables, you bounce onto a giant jell-o mold. Mould. Whatever. One of the guard giants sees you and tries to catch you in mid-air. You quickly search your sack for something big and sharp to poke him in the hand with, but alas, you find nothing. The Guard picks you up and hurls you out one of the castle's windows. You hit the ground with an Oof.

You lose 15-20 hit points.

• Procrastination Giant guarding the back door and with a giant needle but without a furry fur in inventory:

You duck through the unguarded back door of the Castle, and follow the map into the mess hall for the Giant Guard. As you run across one of the tables, you bounce onto a giant jell-o mold. Mould. Whatever. One of the guard giants sees you and tries to catch you in mid-air. Thinking quickly, you jab him in the finger with your giant needle. You run on while he sucks on his finger and cries like a little girl. A really big little girl. You flee the Guard Giant Mess Hall and round a corner into what looks like a bedroom, complete with fireplace and roaring fire. As you creep across the hearth, you hear a booming (yet shrill) "EEEEEK!" from the bed. A 1950s Housewife Giantess leaps out of bed and advances towards you with a broom... You frantically search your belongings for something to hide under, but come up empty-handed. The giantess swiftly sweeps you out the door, after which you fall down a set of stairs and somehow wind up back outside the castle.

You lose 15-20 hit points.

• Procrastination Giant guarding the back door and with a giant needle and a furry fur but without an awful poetry journal in inventory:

... You flee the Guard Giant Mess Hall and round a corner into what looks like a bedroom, complete with fireplace and roaring fire. As you creep across the hearth, you hear a booming (yet shrill) "EEEEEK!" from the bed. A 1950s Housewife Giantess leaps out of bed and advances towards you with a broom... Thinking even more quickly, you pull out your Furry Fur, lay it out in front of the fireplace, and hide under it. "Hmm," says the Giantess. "When did I get that rug? I'll have to ask Wally, or perhaps Tha' Beave." She quickly loses interest, and you collect your Fur and move on. You follow the map into a room filled with dog-eared scripts, elaborate costumes, and a palpable aura of pretension. You see a Drama Giant asleep in a corner of the room. You try to tiptoe through the room but get tripped up by a pair of giant maracas. The ensuing clatter wakes the Giant, who scowls at you. "Interloper, I challenge you to a poetry competition!" You try and make up some freestyle rhymes on the spot, but get stuck when you can't think of a rhyme for "Adventurer." The Drama Giant roars with laughter and punts you back the way you came. It hurts your soul, your arm, and your other arm.

You lose 15-20 hit points.

• Procrastination Giant guarding the back door and with a giant needle, a furry fur and an awful poetry journal in inventory:

... "Interloper, I challenge you to a poetry competition!" You're no poet, and you do know it, so you pull out the Awful Poetry Journal you stole from one of the Goth Giants. Two stanzas into "The dark rain of my miasmic soul," the Drama Giant jumps out of the window (with a flourish) and into the moat to escape the pain. You follow the Giant's map to the highest tower and through a door marked "Sorceress' Lair." You go through the door and see a duck sitting on a pillow. But this is no ordinary duck - when it ruffles its feathers, fractal patterns dance on its wings. You realize this is the legendary Quantum Duck. "Have you got any nails?" It asks you. "What?" "Sorry, wrong scenario. *Ahem* -- " you have never heard a duck clear its throat before. But then you've never heard a duck talk before either. "-- I'm sorry, adventurer, but the Sorceress is in another castle! However, I can give you something to help you on your way."

You acquire an item: quantum egg

Notes

• Used to unlock The Hole in the Sky.
• The following items must be in inventory for successful use: giant needle, furry fur, awful poetry journal.

References

• The "legendary Quantum Duck" refers to the quantum physics riddle:

Q: What does the quantum duck say?"

A: Quark, quark.

• The bedroom with a roaring fire in a fireplace and the giantess with a broom can be seen in "The Invaders," an episode of The Twilight Zone.
• "Wally" and "Tha' Beave" are references to the 1950s television series Leave It to Beaver.
• "Tha' Beave" was originally "the Beav" and was changed to honor the player, ThaBeave.
• "Have you got any nails?" is a reference to the following joke:

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey bartender! Have you got any snails?" The bemused bartender replies, "No, we don't have any snails." The duck, unfazed, walks out.

The next day the duck returns and says "Hey bartender, have you got any snails?" The bartender, recognizing the duck from the day before, says "Nope. We don't have any snails." Not having any luck, the duck leaves.

The third day, the duck returns. "Hey bartender! Have you got any snails?" The bartender is, by this point, fed up with the duck's constant requests for snails. "NO! We didn't have snails the day before yesterday, we didn't have them yesterday, we don't have them today, we won't have them tomorrow! This is a BAR! If you come in asking for snails once more, I'm going to nail you to the wall!" The duck, a bit taken aback, leaves the bar.

The next day, sure enough, the duck appears again. "Hey bartender! Have you got any nails?" The bartender, surprised by the change in routine, says, "No, I don't have any nails." "Got any snails?"

• "I'm sorry, adventurer, but the Sorceress is in another castle!" is a reference to the repeated (and often misquoted) "Thank you Mario, but the Princess is in another castle" quote from Super Mario Bros.
• In the fairy-tale Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack climbs a magic beanstalk into the clouds, encounters a giant living in a castle, and steals a hen that lays golden eggs from the giant.
• The giant jell-o mold and the giant needle both refer to the 1947 Disney short, "Mickey and the Beanstalk" (part of the larger release, Fun and Fancy Free), wherein Goofy does something of a trampoline routine on a giant jell-o mold, and Mickey escapes the wrath of the same giant by poking him with a needle.
• "You're no poet, and you do know it" is a reference to the following poem:

I'm a poet and didn't know it
But, look at my feet, they show it!
They're Longfellows!