Gaudy pirate

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As of January 1st, 2019, the gaudy pirate does NOT drop the gaudy key, and the pirate quest no longer aids an ascension's main quests in any way. You MUST do the Shen/zeppelin route.

Gaudy pirate
Monster ID 633
Locations Belowdecks
Hit Points 120
Attack 140
Defense 126
No-Hit 150
Initiative 50
Meat 87-129
Phylum pirate
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
enormous hoop earring, costume sword, gold lamé pants
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
gaudy pirate You're fighting a gaudy pirate

As you shield your eyes from the glare, you can make out the form of a pirate in a gold lamé vest, covered in sequins and spangles. He certainly looks farrrbulous, and what with all the shiny trinkets he's wearing, you can tell he's got a real flair for piracy. I mean, pirates are only required to wear a few pieces of flair, but extra flair shows extra dedication.

Hit Message(s):

He does a high-kicking, show-girl dance. Unfortunately, he's standing way too close to you, and keeps kicking you in the chin. Argh! Ugh! Ouch!

He smacks you with a ring-encrusted hand. Argh! Ooh! Oof!

He blinds you with the gleam from his gold lamé vest. His purple toupee doesn't help much, either. Ooh! Oof! Oof!

He steps close to you and twirls around. The spangles, bangles, and beads on his bandanna act like a cat-o'-nine-tails. Oof! Oof! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

He shows you a model building he's designed. It looks like a cake in a microwave -- all bulges and weirdness, with no right angles. When you criticize the model, he breaks it over your head. Ouch! Ooh! Argh! Ow! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

He does a high-kicking, show-girl dance. It's pretty entertaining.

He tries to smack you with his ring-hand, but you'll have none of that.

His gold lamé, combined with his purple toupee, turn your green around. It doesn't hurt much.

He stops attacking for a second to do a little dance. Thankfully, he doesn't follow that up with making a little love.

Fumble Message:

He shows you the plans he's drawn up for a new barrr in the Pirate's Cove. It looks like four giant, half-eaten corn-on-the-cob ears standing on end. You make fun of the design until he starts crying. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 87-129 Meat (average: 108, stdev: 8.97)*
Goldearring.gifYou acquire an item: enormous hoop earring (10.6% chance)*
Nicesword.gifYou acquire an item: costume sword (5.6% chance)*
Goldpants.gifYou acquire an item: gold lamé pants (5.3% chance)*
You gain 35 <substat>.

Occurs at Belowdecks.


  • As of January 1st, 2019, the gaudy pirate does NOT drop the gaudy key, and the pirate quest no longer aids in the level 11 quest at all. You MUST do the Shen/zeppelin route.
  • When you use the golden ring on him, you get this message:
The gaudy pirate's eyes light up at the sight of the ring. "Oh my Goodness, that is FABULOUS!" he shouts, "I must have it!" He grabs the ring and stuffs a wad of Meat into your hand.
Meat.gifYou gain 500 Meat
  • Formerly dropped snakehead charrrms. The drop was replaced by the gaudy key in a trivial update on December 15th, 2010, to prevent faxploitation. You can still get the keys by fighting copies of the gaudy pirates, which will save some time by not having to deal with the various other pirates Belowdecks, but the gaudy keys can only be used if you currently have access to Belowdecks, so you can't skip all of the prerequisite quests.