Funky pirate

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Funky pirate
Monster ID 1762
Locations Pirates of the Garbage Barges
Hit Points 100
Attack 150
Defense 150
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum pirate
Elements stench
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arrrrm, head, leg, torso
nasty snuff, sewage-clogged pistol
Manuel funky eyepatch
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
funky pirate You're fighting a funky pirate

As your barge drifts lazily down the garbage canal, you begin to doze. It's actually kind of relaxing -- or maybe you're just being overcome by the toxic fumes. Either way, it comes as a total surprise when a pirate clambers out of the water and into your barge, a knife clenched in his bared teeth.

"Gross!" you say. "Were you really just swimming in that stuff ? And with your mouth open like that? Why didn't you just put the knife in your pocket?"

"Arrr," he replies, "'cause that be where I keep my pistol."

Hit Message(s):

He suddenly coughs up about a pint of sewer water. Some of it gets on your <head>. Eek! Ooh! Ouch! (stench damage)

His pistol is either empty, or clogged, or b... okay, not both, because that would be a contradiction in terms. Anyway, he clubs you in the <giblets> with it. Ooh! Argh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

He shoots you with his pistol, which is either clogged with filth or designed to shoot filth. Either way: filth. (CRITICAL HIT!)
Oof! Ouch! (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

He spends some time coughing, and blames it on his hay fever.

He takes a swig from a bottle of homemade whiskey, to wash out his mouth. It doesn't really work, because the whiskey is also made of sewer water.

Fumble Message:

He stops attacking for a second to pick some half-dissolved knife out of his teeth. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Nastysnuff.gifYou acquire an item: nasty snuff (15% chance)*
Sewagepistol.gifYou acquire an item: sewage-clogged pistol (5% chance)*
Eyepatch.gifYou acquire an item: funky eyepatch (10% chance)*

Occurs at Pirates of the Garbage Barges.