Fruit Golem

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Fruit Golem
Monster ID 89
Locations Menagerie Level 1
Hit Points 46
Attack 56
Defense 50
No-Hit 66
Initiative 80
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts banana, grapes, grapefruit, watermelon
cherry, lime, orange; grapefruit (when attacking with a certain message)
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Fruit Golem You're fighting a Fruit Golem

This is a golem made of fruit. That's why they call it a Fruit Golem. They don't call it a Fruity Golem because they don't like internal bleeding.

Hit Message(s):

It pelts you with a barrage of apples. Looks like an apple a day keeps the doctor in business. Oof! Ouch! Ooh! Eek!

It throws a mango at you, hitting you right in the <face>. Ugh! Argh! Oof! Oof!

It whacks you with a grapefruit, leaving a grapefruit-sized bruise on your <arm>. Ugh! Ow! Ow!

Grapefruit.gifYou acquire an item: grapefruit

It tosses a bunch of bananas at you, then an orange. Orange you glad it stopped chucking bananas at you? Ow! Ugh! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

It smacks you with an impressive variety of fruits. It's like being attacked by some fiendish amalgam of Carmen Miranda and Chuck Norris. Ugh! Ow! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

It winds up to throw a coconut at you, but slips on a banana peel and misses. Irony!

It throws a mango at you, but you move aside and let the mango through.

It spits watermelon seeds at you, but you dodge and spit insults back.

It tries to hit you with a grapefruit, but misses, because a grapefruit is neither a grape nor a fruit. Either that or because you dodged.

It hits you with a barrage of grapes. They let out a little whine as they fly through the air, but don't really hurt when they hit.

Fumble Message:

It starts to attack again, but is beset upon by a swarm of fruit flies. Apparently they're attracted to his bananas -- everybody knows that time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Cherry.gifYou acquire an item: cherry (16.5% chance)*
Lime.gifYou acquire an item: lime (15.6% chance)*
Orange.gifYou acquire an item: orange (14.8% chance)*
You gain 14 <substat>.

Occurs at Menagerie Level 1.


  • It seems that no more than one grapefruit may be obtained per battle.


  • The mango miss message is a reference to the Soul Coughing song "Super Bon Bon", which contains the line "Move aside, and let the man go through."
  • The "barrage of apples" hit message is a reference to the quote "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
  • The banana and orange hit combat message is a reference to the knock-knock joke that ends in "Orange you glad that I didn't say banana again?"
  • The "barrage of grapes" miss message uses "whine" as a pun on "wine", which is made from grapes.
  • Grapefruits actually are fruits. They are called grapefruits because they grow in bunches like grapes.
  • "Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana" (from the fumble message) is a line attributed to Groucho Marx.
  • Carmen Miranda (in the critical hit message) was a famous samba singer and actress who usually performed with a hat topped with tropical fruit.