Familiars by availability
All familiars listed as Readily or Conditionally Available can be obtained by anyone, even those in hardcore ascensions.
Readily available
These familiars are currently available to everyone, even those in hardcore ascensions, and without the need of any rare items.
Unlimited availability
You can get as many hatchlings of these from the basic zones as you want without ascending.
Angry Goat
Baby Gravy Fairy
Barrrnacle
Blood-Faced Volleyball
Cocoabo
Fuzzy Dice
Ghuol Whelp
Hovering Sombrero
Howling Balloon Monkey
Killer Bee
Leprechaun
Levitating Potato
Misshapen Animal Skeleton
Oily Woim
Sabre-Toothed Lime
Spooky Pirate Skeleton
Stab Bat
Star Starfish
Unlimited availability (with caveats)
While you can get as many hatchlings of these from the basic zones as you want without ascending, they involve time and/or financial commitments that make doing so a major effort. With the exception of the Putty Buddy, these hatchlings can not be traded.
El Vibrato Megadrone - Requires a complex series of actions when adventuring through A Shimmering Portal.
Exotic Parrot - 500,000 meat at The Black Market. Can become impossible to obtain for one ascension if you choose to fight the storekeeper in Way of the Surprising Fist.
Jumpsuited Hound Dog - 100 filthy lucre, which will take at least 34 days to acquire (if you can access the Specialty bounties every day) and is best farmed over many runs.
Gelatinous Cubeling - 27 fat loot tokens. One fat loot token per day can be acquired by completing The Daily Dungeon, and more can be obtained from The GameInformPowerDailyPro Dungeon, Gingerbread City's Currency Exchange and daily dungeon malware . Tokens can be acquired over multiple runs.
Putty Buddy - Rare, conditional drop from amok putty, which is encountered infrequently at The Thinknerd Warehouse.
Obtained from The Sea
These familiars are obtained from The Sea, which may be challenging to some players. These hatchlings are tradable.
Obtained from Clan Basements
Available in limited quantity
Every player can get these familiars, but the number of hatchlings is limited.
Grue - Cannot be traded. If missed, the player must re-ascend to get another opportunity to gain this familiar.
Miniature Sword & Martini Guy - Theoretically available to everyone, this is an eleventh anniversary gift.
Mosquito - The hatchling is a quest item.
Origami Towel Crane - Only one towel can be gained per ascension.
Reassembled Blackbird - The hatchling is a quest item. Not available in Bees Hate You.
Ragamuffin Imp - Only one hatchling per player can be ever acquired.
Smiling Rat - Can only be gained if player does not already have one in inventory or terrarium.
Dependent on class or ascension
These familiars are available to everyone, even those in hardcore ascensions, but depend on the player's class or path, and so may require ascension to obtain.
Many of these hatchlings are tradeable items and may be bought in the mall.
Class
Pickpocket
Ninja Snowflake - Requires Pickpocket, a skill normally restricted to moxie classes. Other classes can temporarily gain the ability to pick pockets through various means.
Turtle Taming
Nemesis Quest
Acquired in the course of the Nemesis quest. These are class-specific, and only one is obtained per ascension.
Adorable Seal Larva (Seal Clubber)
Untamed Turtle (Turtle Tamer)
Animated Macaroni Duck (Pastamancer)
Pet Cheezling (Sauceror)
Autonomous Disco Ball (Disco Bandit)
Mariachi Chihuahua (Accordion Thief)
Moon sign
Inside Degrassi Knoll
Little Canadia
The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp
Bad Moon
Special Challenge Paths
Bees Hate You
Reconstituted Crow - The hatchling is a quest item that replaces the reassembled blackbird.
Zombie Slayer
Hovering Skull - Can only be gained if player does not already have one in inventory or terrarium.
Other
Adorable Space Buddy - Limit of one per ascension, and only if the Mer-kin Temple has not been completed by other means. Requires equipment acquired from twelve previous ascensions. Can be purchased in the mall.
Topiary Skunk - Crafted from 15 topiary nugglets; a maximum of eight nugglets can be obtained per ascension. The nugglets are tradable, but the familiar is not.
Limited availability
Available from The Raffle House
Only two of these hatchlings were created per day from November 5, 2008 to February 22, 2016, making the familiars rare and expensive.
Available on past Crimbos
Bad Vibe - Hatchling was available in Crimbo 2016.
Bulky Buddy Box - Made using Crimborg Toymaking, which was only available during Crimbo 2007. Later Crimbos have found these lurking in sturdy Crimbo crates.
Evil Teddy Bear - Made in Linnea's Monster Truck in Crimbotown Right-About-Now, during Crimbo 2006.
Hanukkimbo Dreidl - Came from a small Crimbo Pressie in 2004.
holiday log - Created with the Holiday cheese log, only available for purchase during Crimbo 2010
Mini-Crimbot - Bought from the Crimbo Factory Vending Machine for 500 Crimbo Credits during Crimbo 2014.
MiniMechaElf - Gifted to players during Crimbo 2012. The hatchling cannot be traded.
Pair of Ragged Claws - Built from parts obtained during Crimbo 2008.
Pet Rock - Available both from Uncle Crimbo's Mobile Home and Linnea's Monster Truck in Crimbos 2005 and 2006. Later Crimbos have found these lurking in sturdy Crimbo crates.
RoboGoose - Has a chance of hatching from a Robotronic egg, which first dropped during Crimbo 2007. Because the familiar lays these eggs, the number of RoboGeese in the game should be always increasing.
Snowy Owl - Acquired by zapping a yo-yo, which could only be made during Crimbo 2005. Later Crimbos have found yo-yos in dusty Crimbo crates. The bindlestocking from Crimbo 2010 drops yo-yos, making this item possibly available indefinitely.
Snow Angel - Hatchlings could be acquired only during Crimbo 2009.
Teddy Bear - Constructed using Toymaking, which was only available during Crimbo 2005. Later Crimbos have found these lurking in sturdy Crimbo crates.
Teddy Borg - Constructed using Crimborg Toymaking, which was only available during Crimbo 2007. Later Crimbos have found these lurking in sturdy Crimbo crates.
Tickle-Me Emilio - Purchasable gift item during Crimbo 2011. Cannot be traded.
Toothsome Rock - Constructed using Toolmaking during Crimbo 2006. Later Crimbos have found these lurking in sturdy Crimbo crates.
Warbear Drone - Acquired from a Warbear officer requisition box during Crimbo 2013. It should remain accessible via faxed High-Ranking Warbear Officers or a warbear black box.
Yule Hound - Given by Tammy during Crimbo 2018.
Available from limited-time events
These familiars require one or more items which no longer drop/sell and are only available for purchase in the Mall, but for ever-increasing amounts of Meat due to the fact that as the hatchlings are bought and hatched in-game, fewer and fewer of them remain, increasing in scarcity.
Ghost Pickle on a Stick - Made from drops from The Spectral Pickle Factory, which may or may not ever appear again. However, in recent years it has appeared regularly on April Fools' Day.
Hippo Ballerina - Purchased from KoL Con 7 and from subsequent Kol Cons at escalating cost.
O.A.F. - Only available from the The Traveling Trader on April Fools' Day 2007.
Pottery Barn Owl - Made from items obtained during the Bigg's Dig event; the unearthed potsherd needed in its creation can no longer be obtained from the game.
Underworld Bonsai - Available to those who defeated the Underworld Tree and gathered the underworld acorn.
The following were available from limited-time events, but their components can still drop from faxed or summoned monsters:
Dataspider - Hatches from Squirming egg sac, which were only attainable from Antique database servers during the Server Spiders event.
Flaming Face - Drops from a snakefire in the grassfire, which appeared during the Brushfires event.
Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot - Requires the zombie pineal gland, which dropped from various zombies during the Gray Plague in the aftermath of White Wednesday.
Rock Lobster - Made from drops gained during the Unexplained Tremors event; its component parts can still be obtained from faxed monsters.
Available from Twitch events
These familiars are obtained from zones only available during Twitch Livestream World Events.
Baby Z-Rex - Crafted from various drops from The Post-Mall.
Bark Scorpion - Rare drop from an Arizona bark scorpion
Helix Fossil - Bought from The Neandermall for 300 Chroners.
Twitching Space Critter - Dropped by the space beast matriarch. The hatchling is also a very rare drop from the familiar. Unlike the other Twitch zones, this zone has not reappeared in subsequent Twitch events.
Produced by Mr. Store items
Baby Mayonnaise Wasp - Cannot be traded. Acquired some time after being impregnated by the special attack of a mayonnaise wasp, while having at least 101 blood-mayo. Blood-mayo can be raised by using items from The Mayo Clinic. Blood-mayo may also be increased by consuming Mayo de Mayo™ mayo, which can be used without a Mayo Clinic but is of limited availability.
BRICKO chick - Acquired indirectly from the Mr. Store skill Summon BRICKOs by defeating a BRICKO gargantuchicken. They are difficult to acquire, but can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Chocolate Lab - Acquired from Gingerbread City by taming a stray using a Gingerbread dog treat. Cannot be traded, but the item used to obtain it can.
Feral Kobold - Acquired indirectly from the KoL Con skill Summon Dice by defeating a family of kobolds. They are difficult to acquire, but can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Homemade Robot - Acquired randomly from the home robotics kit, which is made by the skill Summon Geeky Gifts. Cannot be traded, but the item used to obtain it can.
Lil' Barrel Mimic - Drops from some barrels from the Shrine to the Barrel god. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Mini-Skulldozer - Acquired indirectly from the Mr. Store farm A Bone Garden by defeating a Skulldozer. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Peppermint Rhino - Acquired indirectly from the Mr. Store farm A Peppermint Patch. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Restless Cow Skull - Sometimes acquired from a quest when Investigating a Plaintive Telegram. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Sludgepuppy - Made from 500 toxic globules from toxic beasties in Dinseylandfill. Globules can be traded, but the hatchling can not.
Software Bug - Acquired for 10000 Source essence from the Source Terminal. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Xiblaxian Holo-Companion - Acquired randomly from transmission from planet Xi, which is generated by the KoL Con item Xi Receiver Unit. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Cute Meteor - Acquired randomly from adventuring after reading the Pocket Meteor Guide. Can be traded, and will continually increase in number.
Party Mouse - Acquired from the Neverending Party by opening a fourth Deluxe Neverending Party favor. Cannot be traded, but Neverending Party guest passes can, which can be used to obtain it.
Pokéfam
The Pokéfam Guide to Capturing All of Them creates Tall Grass in your garden, which can produce 51 different hatchlings, all of which can be traded. Of these, 45 familiars are active only in the Pocket Familiars challenge path and do not appear in your terrarium outside the path, except through the "Manage Familiar Names" interface. These path-specific hatchlings can only be found by players currently in the path. See Tall Grass for a list.
There are six normal familiars, sometimes obtained from Tall Grass (in a Pocket Familiars run only.) With the possible exception of Mu, these normal familiars are also obtained (regardless of path) from Very Tall Grass, which is Tall Grass with 8+ days of growth.
Unspeakachu
Stooper
Disgeist
Bowlet
Cornbeefadon
Mu - Obtained very rarely from Tall Grass in the Pocket Familiars path.
Gift items produced by Mr. Store items
The hatchlings for these familiars are gift items. They cannot be sold in the mall, but they can be traded or gift-boxed to another player (or used to be able to be auctioned via kbay), so their availability is limited, even though the number of them in game will always increase.
Jack-in-the-Box - Drops from A Crimbo Tree, which is only available to those who have Clan VIP Lounge key, in a clan whose members constructed the tree from parts sold Crimbo 2009.
Purse Rat - Drops from the Deluxe Mr. Klaw, available only to those who have a Clan VIP Lounge key.
Wind-up Chattering Teeth - Created by the skill Summon Hilarious Objects.
Mr. Store
These familiars are/were only available for purchase in the Mr. Store for a limited period of time. They are still available in the Mall, but for ever-increasing amounts of Meat due to the fact that these familiars effectively cost money (not Meat) to procure, as well as the fact that, like the "Limited Availability" familiars above, these hatchlings are only available for a limited amount of time, and cannot be unhatched after being used.
The Leprechaun-Volleyball and Leprechaun-Gravy Fairy hybrid familiars were available in the Mr. Store for 2 Mr. Accessories. For the first seven years they were replaced with new, yet identically functioning, versions yearly. From 2012 to 2015, the replacements were also Leprechaun-Volleyball and Leprechaun-Gravy Fairy hybrids, but have added functionality. The Leprechaun-Volleyball drops a spleen item, and the Leprechaun-Gravy Fairy drops a content gateway item. Starting in 2016, one familiar-of-the-year was released annually: a Volleyball-Fairy that drops consumables.
Adventurous Spelunker (two Mr. Accessory)
Ancient Yuletide Troll
Angry Jung Man (two Mr. Accessory)
Artistic Goth Kid
Astral Badger
Attention-Deficit Demon (two Mr. Accessory)
Baby Bugged Bugbear
Baby Sandworm
Baby Yeti
Blavious Kloop (two Mr. Accessory)
Bloovian Groose (two Mr. Accessory)
Casagnova Gnome (two Mr. Accessory)
Cat Burglar
Chauvinist Pig (two Mr. Accessory)
Cheshire Bat (two Mr. Accessory)
Coffee Pixie (two Mr. Accessory)
Comma Chameleon
Cotton Candy Carnie
Crimbo Elf
Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
Crimbo Shrub
Cymbal-Playing Monkey (two Mr. Accessory)
Dancing Frog (two Mr. Accessory)
Dandy Lion
Disembodied Hand
Doppelshifter
Dramatic Hedgehog (two Mr. Accessory)
Emo Squid
Fancypants Scarecrow
Feather Boa Constrictor
Fist Turkey
Frumious Bandersnatch
Galloping Grill
Garbage Fire (two Mr. Accessory)
Gluttonous Green Ghost
God Lobster
Golden Monkey (two Mr. Accessory)
Green Pixie
Grim Brother (two Mr. Accessory)
Grimstone Golem (two Mr. Accessory)
Hand Turkey
Happy Medium
He-Boulder
Hunchbacked Minion (two Mr. Accessory)
Inflatable Dodecapede
Intergnat
Jill-O-Lantern
Jitterbug (two Mr. Accessory)
Knob Goblin Organ Grinder
Li'l Xenomorph
Llama Lama
Machine Elf
Mad Hatrack
Mini-Adventurer
Mini-Hipster
Nanorhino
Nervous Tick (two Mr. Accessory)
Obtuse Angel
Optimistic Candle (two Mr. Accessory)
Pair of Stomping Boots
Penguin Goodfella
Personal Raincloud
Piano Cat (two Mr. Accessory)
Psychedelic Bear (two Mr. Accessory)
Puck Man
Ms. Puck Man (product of zapping Puck Man hatchling)
Pygmy Bugbear Shaman
Reagnimated Gnome
Reanimated Reanimator
Robortender
Robot Reindeer
Rockin' Robin (two Mr. Accessory)
Rogue Program
Space Jellyfish
Spirit Hobo
Squamous Gibberer
Steam-Powered Cheerleader
Stocking Mimic
Sugar Fruit Fairy
Sweet Nutcracker
Temporal Riftlet
Trick-or-Treating Tot
Unconscious Collective (two Mr. Accessory)
Uniclops (two Mr. Accessory)
Wild Hare
Wizard Action Figure
XO Skeleton
Subscription
Choctopus - Subscribers to Kingdom of Loathing received one hatchling each month from December 2015 to March 2016 within a box of Gratitude chocolates.