Extremely annoyed witch

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Extremely annoyed witch
Monster ID 1581
Locations The Road to the White Citadel: Life Ain't Nothin But Witches and Mummies
Hit Points 32
Attack 36
Defense 32
Initiative 25
Meat 32-48
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
wand of pigification
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
extremely annoyed witch You're fighting an extremely annoyed witch

This witch is more ticked than wicked, and I suppose that's understandable, considering you've just killed her house. Man, why do witches always feel the need to live in weird things? If they're not being killed by adventurers, they get infested with ants. Witch homeowner's insurance must be through the roof, metaphorically speaking.

"I'll get you, my pretty!" she shrieks, waving her wand in the air. "And all your little piggies, too!"

Hit Message(s):

She lets her cauldron boil and bubble, then douses you with boiling potion. Argh! Ouch! (hot damage)

She mutters a dark incantation under her breath and gives you a pretty unpleasant migraine. Ouch! Ouch!

She mutters under her breath. An owl flies by and craps on your head. Ugh! Ouch! (stench damage)

She tells you no man of woman born can harm you. Then, since she's not a man, she harms you. Eek! Ouch!

She throws a potion at you, and it melts through your <head> like a knife through butter. Ugh! Argh!

She waves her wand and turns your <forehead> into a newt. It's pretty painful. Ooh! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

She draws a series of runes on the ground, then points to each one in turn. You get a sprained ankle, a dislocated knee, an aching hip, a cracked rib, and a stiff neck, in that order. (CRITICAL HIT!) Argh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

She mutters a dark incantation under her breath, but nothing happens. Maybe it was just a belch.

She throws a potion at you. It kind of smells like lavendar.

She tries to let her cauldron boil and bubble, but can't stop watching it long enough for it to do so.

She mutters under her breath. She sounds crazy, but harmless.

She tells you no man of woman born can harm you, and offers you a discount on a "no c-section" clause.

She waves her wand at you, so you wave back.

Fumble Message:

not known

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 32-48 Meat (average: 40, stdev: 3.65)*
Wand.gifYou acquire an item: wand of pigification (% chance)*

With the witch taken care of, you pick up her wand and flip a little switch on the side of it from "pig" to "regular". You then turn all of your familiars back to normal and put the wand in your pack. After all, you never know when a wand that turns dudes into pigs might come in handy. It'd be a pretty good party trick, if nothing else.

Occurs after defeating the spider-legged witch's hut.


  • This monster cannot be copied.


  • Based on several famous witches:
    • Turning people into pigs is a reference to the witch/demigoddess Circe from The Odyssey.
    • "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little pigs, too!" is a (slightly altered) line spoken by the Wicked Witch of the West from the film The Wizard of Oz. She also created a poppy field in the movie (and in the song Existential Blues), much like the one your character just went through.
    • Having a living house is a trademark of Russian witch/fairy Baba Yaga.
    • The attack message of turning you into a newt refers to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where a man claims a witch did just that (but he "got better").
    • Letting her cauldron "boil and bubble", and that "no man of woman born can harm you" are both references to the witches in Macbeth.