Evil spaghetti cult priest

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Evil spaghetti cult priest
Monster ID 657
Locations A Large Chamber
Hit Points 21
Attack 24
Defense 21
Initiative 40
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
None
Quest a creased paper strip, a crinkled paper strip, a crumpled paper strip, a folded paper strip, a ragged paper strip, a rumpled paper strip, a torn paper strip, evil noodles
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
evil spaghetti cult priest You're fighting an evil spaghetti cult priest

This guy seems to be a priest of the evil spaghetti cult that's operating in this cave. You can tell because his robes are nicely-tailored, and he's wearing some kind of disturbing noodly mask under his cowl. Also the dagger he's trying to cut your major organs out with is very ornate.

Hit Message(s):

He shouts, "I love this woman!" and jumps up and down on a couch. And by "a couch," I mean "you." Eek! Ow!

He touches you with a noodly appendage. It's really quite disconcerting. (sleaze damage) Ugh! Ooh!

Nothing fancy this time, he just stabs you. Eek! Ow!

He gives a sermon about the evils of the world, which he demonstrates by stabbing you in the face. Argh! Ow!

He slices out your liver, and uses it as the filling in a spicy ravioli dish which he sacrifices to his dark god. Ow! Ow! Oof!

He mutters under his breath and a saucegeyser erupts beneath you. Let's see how you like it. (hot damage) Ow! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

He recites an evil incantation, and noodles erupt from his sleeves and wrap around your neck, strangling you mercilessly! It's a little disconcerting. Ooh! Ow! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He takes a few minutes from proselytizing about his crazy religion to jump up and down on a couch. Huh.

He tries to touch you with a noodly appendage, but you don't go in for that funny stuff.

The two of you have a little discussion about noodle-related theology, and in the end are forced to agree to disagree.

He starts to give a sermon about the evils of the world and the glory of his dark master, but gets annoyed and stops when it's clear that you aren't really listening.

He recites an evil incantation, but nothing happens. Grumbling, he checks the manual.

He tries to reach into your chest and rip out your heart, but fails spectacularly. I mean, his fingernails aren't even all that sharp.

Fumble Message:

He tries to slice out your liver and use it as the filling in a spicy ravioli dish to sacrifice to his dark god. Except somehow he manages to get confused and uses his own liver, and this kinda ticks him off a bit. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a creased paper strip (30% chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a crumpled paper strip (30% chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a crinkled paper strip (30% chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a folded paper strip (30 chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a ragged paper strip (30% chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a ripped paper strip (30% chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a rumpled paper strip (30% chance)*
Paperstrip.gifYou acquire an item: a torn paper strip (30% chance)*
Evilnoodles.gifYou acquire an item: evil noodles (?% chance)*
You gain 7 <substat>.

Occurs in A Large Chamber, Pastamancers only.

Notes

References

  • The hit and miss messages involving jumping up and down on a couch refer to Tom Cruise's actions on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
  • The noodle-related theology and mentions of "noodly appendages" reference the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
  • The miss message about ripping out your heart is a reference to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, where a cult leader ripped out someone's heart from their chest.