Evil spaghetti cult neophyte

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Evil spaghetti cult neophyte
Monster ID 807
Locations The Temple Portico
Hit Points 150
Attack 140
Defense 126
Initiative 60
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
spaghetti cult mask, spaghetti cult rosary
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
evil spaghetti cult neophyte You're fighting an evil spaghetti cult neophyte

This guy is new to the cult, and frankly it's not quite what he expected. I mean, the robes are cool and all, but there's a lot less blood sacrifice and communing with ancient unspeakable evil than he expected, and a lot more meetings and TPS report cover-sheets. Still though, he's managed to brown-nose himself into a front-row spot in the chanting section at the big sacrifice this week, and getting noticed as a competent and enthusiastic chanter is great for your cult advancement opportunities.

Another thing he didn't expect was getting attacked out of the blue by angry Pastamancers.

Hit Message(s):

He garottes you with a strand of linguine. It's a little too al dente, but it does the trick. Oof! Eek! Oof!

He stabs you with a sacrificial knife. He gets the technique wrong, but it's still pretty effective. Ouch! Argh! Ouch!

He tries to pull your still-beating heart out of your chest, but it stops beating halfway through. Still, not a bad attack. Eek! Ouch! Ouch!

He trips over his robe and falls into you, bringing you crashing to the floor. Oof! Eek! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

He demonstrates a trust exercise he learned in this morning's meeting. It involves you falling backwards, trusting he won't stab you with his giant knife. You can guess how it ends. Oof! Eek! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

He extends his sabre, but he trips on his cloak.

He tries to garotte you with a strand of spaghetti, but it's too brittle.

He tries to pull your still-beating heart out of your chest, but just tickles your ribs.

He tries to stab you with his sacrificial knife, but holds it by the wrong end.

Fumble Message:

He practices for the upcoming sacrifice by chanting "om num shivai" over and over and over and over and . . . you get the picture. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Spagmask.gifYou acquire an item: spaghetti cult mask
Spagrosary.gifYou acquire an item: spaghetti cult rosary

Occurs in The Temple Portico.


  • "TPS report cover-sheets" are the bane of Peter Gibbon's life in the movie Office Space.