Evil spaghetti cult assassin

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Evil spaghetti cult assassin
Monster ID 686
Locations Anywhere, after killing the Mob Penguin hitman as a Pastamancer.
Hit Points 120
Attack 95
Defense 85
Initiative 50
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
evil spaghetti cult assassin You're fighting an evil spaghetti cult assassin

The hairs stand up on the back of your neck, and you get a sense of foreboding, as though an evil presence were nearby. You look behind you, then jump back, startled, at the sight of the cultist, his shapeless charcoal-gray robes perfect for shadowy concealment.

"Our noodly Lord has decreed your death, blasphemer," he whispers, pulling a long thin blade from his sleeve.

Hit Message(s):

He casts a terrible curse on you. It causes a nasty bleeding wound in your <throat>, and the somatic component is stabbing you with his knife. Ooh! Eek! Ooh!

He decides to change his ways, and stabs you in the name of reason and enlightenment. You fail to appreciate the difference. Oof! Ow! Oof!

He offers you some literature about his dark and sinister god. You get papercuts as you read through it. Ow! Eek! Ouch!

He pokes you with his knife a few times, in the name of his lord and master. It's a long name, too. Ouch! Argh! Argh!

He stabs you with his dagger, in an appropriately sinister and evil manner. Ugh! Argh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He carves an informative article about his religion into your <neck>. Man, proselytizers are annoying. (CRITICAL HIT!) Argh! Oof! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He offers you some literature about his dark god, but you decline.

He dedicates your death to his horrible god. It turns out to be kind of a long speech.

He swings his dagger at you, but gets tangled up in his oversized sleeves.

He asks if you'd mind waiting a minute while he builds and consecrates a dark altar to sacrifice you on.

He takes a minute to clear his mind of evil thetans before attacking again.

He stuffs you with manicotti, in the name of his dark lord. It's delicious.

Fumble Message:

You engage him in a theological debate, and he forgets to attack you for a moment. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat


  • This monster cannot be copied.
  • Occurs at any adventure.php location, and will only occur as a Pastamancer after defeating the Mob Penguin hitman and reaching at least 75 Mysticality during the Me and My Nemesis quest.
  • This monster may be encountered while falling-down drunk.
  • After this enemy is encountered and defeated, the following text appears under Guild Quests:
Me and My Nemesis
Bam! So much for your Nemesis' assassins! If that's the best they've got, you have nothing at all to worry about.
You sure hope that's the best they've got.
  • Or, if you encounter this enemy and get beaten up:
Me and My Nemesis
Your suspicious [sic] have been confirmed: your Nemesis has put the order out for you to be hunted down and killed, and now they're sending their own guys instead of contracting out. Good luck!


  • This monster is a possible reference to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which worships, originally enough, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, referred to as the Noodly Lord.
  • The remark about thetans refers to the Church of Scientology.