Everything is Illuminated
Abbidriel falls to his knees, exhausted. "You can kill me," he pants, "(though I wish you wouldn't), but you'll never kill Crimbo. Tell the Don I'll see him in Hey Deze."
"Wow," you say, "you're really serious about this, aren't you? Maybe I've been a little hasty, hoom. What's your side of the story?"
Abbidriel rolls his eyes. "Hasty? Ya think? It's going to take me a week to regrow that arm.
"Anyway," he continues, "my fellow spies and saboteurs have gathered a little intelligence about what the Don's really up to. It's not much, but here's what we figured out so far: he's got the Crimbomination chained to the wall in a cave underneath his compound. He's got penguin brainwashers working night and day to turn the Crimbomination into the world's biggest mafia enforcer. The reason why the Don raised all that meat was to build a sleigh big enough to put the Crimbomination in. On Crimbo Eve, he's going to use the same Crimbo magic that let Uncle Crimbo visit every adventurer in the Kingdom to do one massive shakedown. He'll rob every single adventurer of every last bit of meat they have, using the Crimbomination as his muscle. That's all we've been able to figure out so far."
"Funny you should say that, because -- actually, that's not funny at all," you say. "What can I do to help stop him?"
| What, Indeed? |
Abbidriel pulls himself up to his feet. "For starters, you can stop beating up elves. Then you can try and get through the compound into the underground cavern. Then you can fight to the Crimbomination. Then you can pray that we can get some Crimbo spirit back into him before Crimbo." Abbidriel pauses for breath, and continues, "for now, I'd be happy to just find the stool pigeon that's been feeding the Don information about the resistance. Oh, and as thanks for helping us, I'll have my elves rig the slot machines at the casino in your favor. Power to the people!"
Occurs at the Crimbo Town Toy Factory while fighting Edwing Abbidriel.
References
- Everything Is Illuminated is a novel and film from 2002 and 2005, respectively.
- The Crimbomination appeared in The Atomic Crimbo Toy Factory in January 2009.
- "Maybe I've been a little hasty, hoom," references Treebeard, an Ent from The Lord of the Rings. He often cautioned people not to be hasty and said things like "hoom" at the end of sentences.
