Everybody's Got Something To Hide
You step into a small shack, which turns out to be a pet store -- one oriented to people who travel a lot. You see a variety of trained pocket-sized rodents, several small dogs of the rat-catching variety (who are keeping an eye on the aforementioned rodents), an elderly parrot with its wings clipped, and no cats.
The man behind the counter looks up as your enter. "Why hello there! In the market for a pet?"
"Well," you say, "I've got a few already, but maybe you can convince me."
"Oh, a challenge! Well lemme tell you, friend, have I got a deal for you."
He picks up a box from behind the counter, places in in front of you, and opens the top. A little monkey scampers out. "Eh? What do you say to that?" says the shopkeeper.
"I have to admit, that's a pretty cute monkey. Especially with the little hobo hat and vest. Where did you find a cigar that small?"
"Wasn't me. Frankly, I have no idea where he gets them from." The monkey blows a smoke ring at you. "He's clever as all get-out, that's for sure. I need to get rid of him as quickly as possible, so I can give you a heck of a price."
"Why do you need to get rid of him?" you ask, suddenly suspicious. "What's wrong with him? I'm not buying a broken monkey."
The shopkeeper sighs. "Me and my big mouth. Well, look, the fact is -- and I have no idea where he learned it, I certainly didn't teach it to him -- this monkey is a pickpocket. I can't tell you how many times I've had a customer in here, and then when they leave I discover the monkey's got a new wallet. It's terrible for business. Look there, he's got yours now."
"What the-- hey!" You grab your wallet back from the monkey, which chatters at you in a peeved manner.
"So whaddya say? You take this miniature kleptomaniac off my hands, and chances are you'll make your money back in just one afternoon at a crowded bus terminal."
You rifle through your pockets and determine that you currently have X hobo nickels.
| Buy the monkey for 1,000 hobo nickels |
"Mister," you say, "I think me and this monkey are gonna get along just fine." You hand the shopkeeper your nickels, and he puts a little leash on the monkey for you, and throws in a free wallet-chain.
"Just one more thing I have to tell you," he says, "and it's very important."
"Don't feed him after midnight?"
"What? No. Don't spank him."
"... Was that joke really necessary?"
"Joke? I'm serious, don't spank him. He hates that."
 | You acquire an item: hobo monkey |
If you don't have 1,000 hobo nickels:
You can't afford a monkey.
| Don't buy it. |
You decide you're not really in the market for a little thieving primate companion. The shopkeeper sighs, and reluctantly gives you directions out of the marketplace.
If the monkey has already been purchased:
You find yourself back at the pet shop where you bought that monkey. You look around for a minute, but none of the animals really strike your fancy, so you wander back out. After a little more wandering, you find yourself leaving the marketplace entirely.
Occurs as an option of the We'll Make Great... subadventure in Hobopolis Town Square.
Notes
- Being in Bad Moon allows purchasing an additional monkey.
- The above trick does NOT work if a hobo monkey is stored in a player's Display Case.
- Being in Picky allows purchasing an additional monkey as well – as long as the Hobo Monkey familiar wasn't picked for this particular run.
References
- This adventure takes its name from The Beatles' song "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey" from the White Album.
- "Don't feed him after midnight" is a reference from the movie Gremlins. If a cute mogwai was fed after midnight, it turned into mean nasty gremlins.
- The shopkeeper advises you not to 'spank the monkey.' If you don't know what that means, I'm not going to tell you.
