Enter the Roach

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Enter the Roach
Enter the Roach

You feel a little bit better after washing off the grotesque human contact with the nice, clean fluids you secrete. As you're looking for a garbage can or sewer pipe to hide in, you become aware of a high-pitched whistling noise somewhere far above you. Your cockroach senses start tingling, but they're not being overly specific. What do you want to do?

Head towards the noise (1)

You scuttle closer to the source of the sound, trying to get right under whatever it is that's making the noise. The high-pitched whistle drops slowly in pitch as a shadow grows on the ground around you. You look up and see a huge curving expanse of metal with a pretty symbol on it: yellow, black, and triangular. You swear you hear someone shout "Yeee-haaa!" before your world turns into an explosion of -- well, explosion.You pick yourself off the ground and look around. A cloud shaped like a mushroom looms high in the sky above you, and everything else is silent. Congratulations, you've just survived a nuclear apocalypse! You feel your body absorbing a little of the radiation, not killing you, but making you stronger.

You gain <mainstat> ± 0 to 5 (capped at 200) Strongness.

Find a hiding place (1)

You scuttle wildly about looking for something under which to hide under. You finally find a decent-sized glass mixing bowl from the pastamancer's guild, and manage to flip it over on top of you, just as the whistling noise ends with an earth-shattering BOOM. That noise was a bomb falling from the sky! The bright flash of the bomb's explosion filters through the glass, refracting in odd ways, bending space and time around you. Maybe a bowl from a sorcerer's kitchen wasn't the greatest hiding place, after all. Everything goes white as the very fabric of space-time rips around you and mystical energy pours through you into another dimension.

You gain <mainstat> ± 0 to 5 (capped at 200) Magicalness.

Head away from the noise (1)

You skitter as fast as you can away from the whistling noise, and for good reason: as you glance back over your shoulder, or whatever the roach equivalent might be, you see a bomb streaking down out of the sky. You'd swear there was a guy riding it like a horse as it came down, but maybe that was your imagination.

The world goes white, the blast from the explosion catching you mid-skitter (somewhere between the two 't's, I think). Your thoughts dissolve in a maelstrom of color, sound, and ridiculous levels of radiation, and you lose consciousness.

You awake from uneasy dreams to find that you have transformed into a giant cockroach.

Since you were just a normal-sized cockroach before, it's actually kind of awesome. What's more, you're sleeping in a nice, comfortable bed instead of out on the street. On the whole, you feel pretty good about the change.

You gain <mainstat> ± 0 to 5 (capped at 200) Roguishness.

Occurs on approaching the roach during The Gong Has Been Bung.



  • The sentence "You awake from uneasy dreams to find that you have transformed into a giant cockroach." is a reference to Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis, wherein Gregor Samsa, a traveling salesman, is turned into a giant cockroach.
  • The cowboy riding an atomic bomb is a reference to the film Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb; the penultimate scene features exactly the same thing.
  • The "tingling cockroach sense" references Spider-Man and his "spider-sense".
  • The phrase "yellow, black, and triangular" is a line from a Negativland song, and is used to described a Nuclear Symbol.