|Monster Parts||head, leg, tail, torso|
As you're poking around in the dark of the cellar, you hear a squeak. You turn toward it, and before you stands a drunken rat. It's also a dirty rat, and pretty smelly. You know that idiom "I think I smell a rat?" There's a reason for it.
It staggers over and drunkenly punches you in the <kidney>. Then vomits on your shoes. Ooh! Ugh!
It grabs a nearby microphone and engages in some drunken rodent karaoke. The pain! Ugh! Eek!
It traps you into an hour-long debate against artificial turf. Midway through, you fall asleep and hit your head on the floor. Ooh! Ouch!
It jumps into a tiny plastic bitchin' meatcar and drives drunkenly around the room before crashing into your toes. Ow! Argh!
It takes another swig of booze and performs an impressive drunken-master karate routine. Impressive in that he impresses his feet and claws repeatedly onto your foot. Eek! Eek!
It staggers over, puts its arm around you, and squeaks the rat equivalent of "I love you, man."
It tries to sing some drunken rodent karaoke, but passes out before it can start.
It traps you into an hour-long debate against artificial turf. Fortunately, it falls asleep midway through.
It jumps into a tiny plastic bitchin' meatcar and tries to run you over, but swerves too much to hit you.
It leaps up, swigs some more booze, and performs an impressive drunken-master karate routine. Well, it would have been impressive had he been actually facing you. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 8-12 Meat (average: 10, stdev: 1.15)*|
|You acquire an item: rat whisker (100.0% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: rat appendix (19.5% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: furry pill (?% chance)*|
|You gain 2.25 <substat>.|
- The hour-long debate against artificial turf comes from a Larry Miller stand-up comedy routine called "The 5 Stages of Drinking". It is at stage three when you engage a stranger in an hour long argument against artificial turf.
- The critical hit/fumble messages mention "an impressive drunken-master karate routine", alluding to drunken boxing, a form of martial art.
- The "tiny plastic bitchin' meatcar" may be a reference to The Mouse and the Motorcycle.