Drunk pygmy

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Drunk pygmy
Monster ID 1431
Locations The Hidden Bowling Alley
Hit Points 160
Attack 150
Defense 130
Initiative 20
Meat 80-120
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
cold water bottle, gold Boozehounds Anonymous token, pygmy phone number
Accordion pygmy concertinette
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
drunk pygmy You're fighting a drunk pygmy

Most pygmies do their drinking in bowling alleys because, although their bars are set pretty low, their standards are set even lower.

Hit Message(s):

He punches you square in the shin. At least when he sobers up his hand will hurt almost as bad as your shin does. Ooh! Argh!

He breaks a tiny bottle and slashes your Achilles tendon with it. Gah! Eek! Oof!

He grabs a cocktail toothpick and jabs it into your <leg>. Ooh! Ouch!

He vomits on you. Ew, it's all booze and long pork chunks. Ow! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

He climbs up onto the bar and punches you in the nose. Eek! Oof!

He lights a cigarette and puts it out on your <foot>. Man, smoking is hazardous to your health. Oof! Ugh! (hot damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He jumps behind the bar and starts throwing bottles of booze at you, draining them dry first. It feels just like you're walking on broken glass, because that's what you're doing. Ouch! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to punch you in the nose, but can't reach high enough.

He tries to slash you with a tiny bottle, but he's seeing double and hits the wrong you.

He tries to jab you with a cocktail toothpick, but the olive that's still on it cushions the blow.

He tries to vomit on you, but you avoid the rainbow yawn.

He climbs up on the bar to punch you, but you threaten to slide him across the bar, 80's movie style, and he backs off.

He tries to put a cigarette out on you, but you've already stepped back to avoid the second-hand smoke.

Fumble Message:

He passes out and falls off of his bar stool. Man, he's going to have a wicked hangunder tomorrow. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 80-120 Meat (average: 100, stdev: 8.56)*
Coolbag.gifYou acquire an item: cold water bottle (? chance)*
Boozetoken.gifYou acquire an item: gold Boozehounds Anonymous token (? chance)*
Phonenum.gifYou acquire an item: pygmy phone number (? chance)*

Occurs in The Hidden Bowling Alley.


  • With a Bowl of Scorpions in inventory, you automatically win this fight at the cost of losing the drink:
The pygmy notices the Bowl of Scorpions you're holding and slurs "Don't mind iffadoooooo" as he grabs it and downs it. His eyes cross as he belches and staggers out of the bowling alley.
  • Winning the fight using a Bowl of Scorpions follows the same mechanic as winning against dense lianas using a machete. It does not cost an adventure, but your familiar may act and you will only receive bonus substats. In a Zombie Slayer run, a brain may still drop.
  • After eleven scorpion drinks have been given out in a day, the drunk pygmy is banished until rollover.
  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    On the bar next to the drunk pygmy, you notice a very small concertina. He must've been busking for beer money before he got here.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    You distract the drunk pygmy (who is so easily distracted that you accomplish this by doing literally nothing,) and steal the tiny concertina.
    Acc15.gifYou acquire an item: pygmy concertinette