Drab Bard

Drab Bard
Monster ID	130
Locations	Inside the Palindome
Hit Points	170
Attack	136
Defense	124
No-Hit	146
Initiative	40
Meat	64-96
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops drab sonata, guitar pick, olive
Quest	"I Love Me, Vol. I"
Accordion	accordionoid rocca
Manuel	glass of warm milk
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Drab Bard

This bard plays music that's so boring you just want to... zzzzzz... Oh, sorry, what was I talking about?

Hit Message(s):

He plays the drum solo from Innagaddadavida. On a guitar. You fall asleep and bonk your <face> on a rock. Argh! Oof!

He plays a boring tune, ending with lazily smashing his guitar over your <leg>. Oof! Ow!

He does an acoustic, extra-long cover of "Stairway to Heaven." You doze off and smack your <ankle> on a rock. Argh! Eek!

He does an extra-long, slow, and boring cover of "Stairway to Heaven." You get bored, wander off, and stub your toe on a rock. Ugh! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

He plays several bad, drab sonatas. You wish he would play some lever revels instead - those are always entertaining. But he keeps playing music that puts you to sleep, and you keep falling over and hitting your head on things. Ooh! Eek! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

He plays the world's most boring music, but you're a big fan of Pink Floyd so you've built up immunity.

He plays a boring tune, but you whistle a jaunty one to overcome it.

He starts to play "Stairway to Heaven." You remember your old mentor's advice: "In case of Stairway, use fire." You singe him with a fireball.

He starts to play a slow, boring version of "Stairway to Heaven," but you produce a sign that says "No Stairway... DENIED!"

Fumble Message:

He finishes the opposite of a rousing rendition of "Quietly Not Waking the Baby," which is so boring that he actually puts himself to sleep. He falls over and starts snoring gently. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 64-96 Meat (average: 80, stdev: 6.93)*

You acquire an item: drab sonata (30.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: guitar pick (18.0% chance)*

You acquire an item: olive (40.5% chance)*

You acquire an item: "I Love Me, Vol. I"

You gain 34 <substat>.

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Occurs Inside the Palindome.

Notes

• The "I Love Me, Vol. I" drops (one time) if 5 native Palindome dudes have been defeated (including this one) after having opened The Palindome. (It can also drop from the other 2 dudes.)
• If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:

  At the bard's feet, you see what you first take to be a boring rock, but what turns out to be a stone accordion.

• If you then cast Steal Accordion:

  You leave no stone unturned, and no stone accordion unstolen.

  You acquire an item: accordionoid rocca

History

• The image for this monster was changed on February 28, 2014. It used to be:

  

References

• In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida is a song by the band Iron Butterfly. The song is seventeen minutes long and features an extended drum solo.
• The fact that this monster drops olives is a reference to a piece of legacy Army terminology. The basic dull green color that most army equipment was painted was called olive drab green.
• In Wayne's World, Wayne attempts to start playing Stairway to Heaven in a guitar store, but a store employee shows him a sign saying "No Stairway." This causes Wayne to turn to the camera and say "No Stairway! Denied!"
• One of the attack messages may refer to classic rock group The Who, who were notorious for smashing their guitars at the end of their acts.
• The advice "In case of Stairway, use fire" is a chiasmus of the sign in or near elevators which reads "USE STAIRS IN CASE OF FIRE."