Drab Bard

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Drab Bard
Monster ID 130
Locations Inside the Palindome
Hit Points 170
Attack 136
Defense 124
No-Hit 146
Initiative 40
Meat 64-96
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
drab sonata, guitar pick, olive
Quest "I Love Me, Vol. I"
Accordion accordionoid rocca
Manuel glass of warm milk
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Drab Bard You're fighting a Drab Bard

This bard plays music that's so boring you just want to... zzzzzz... Oh, sorry, what was I talking about?

Hit Message(s):

He plays the drum solo from Innagaddadavida. On a guitar. You fall asleep and bonk your <foot> on a rock. Oof! Oof!

He plays a boring tune, ending with lazily smashing his guitar over your <leg>. Ouch! Eek!

He does an acoustic, extra-long cover of "Stairway to Heaven." You doze off and smack your <face> on a rock. Ugh! Ugh!

He does an extra-long, slow, and boring cover of "Stairway to Heaven." You get bored, wander off, and stub your toe on a rock. Eek! Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

He plays several bad, drab sonatas. You wish he would play some lever revels instead - those are always entertaining. But he keeps playing music that puts you to sleep, and you keep falling over and hitting your head on things. Ugh! Ouch! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He plays the world's most boring music, but you're a big fan of Pink Floyd so you've built up immunity.

He plays a boring tune, but you whistle a jaunty one to overcome it.

He starts to play "Stairway to Heaven." You remember your old mentor's advice: "In case of Stairway, use fire." You singe him with a fireball.

He starts to play a slow, boring version of "Stairway to Heaven," but you produce a sign that says "No Stairway... DENIED!"

Fumble Message:

He finishes the opposite of a rousing rendition of "Quietly Not Waking the Baby," which is so boring that he actually puts himself to sleep. He falls over and starts snoring gently. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 64-96 Meat (average: 80, stdev: 6.93)*
Music2.gifYou acquire an item: drab sonata (30.8% chance)*
Guitpick.gifYou acquire an item: guitar pick (18.0% chance)*
Olive.gifYou acquire an item: olive (40.5% chance)*
Book4.gifYou acquire an item: "I Love Me, Vol. I"
You gain 34 <substat>.

Occurs Inside the Palindome.


  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    At the bard's feet, you see what you first take to be a boring rock, but what turns out to be a stone accordion.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    You leave no stone unturned, and no stone accordion unstolen.
    Acc18.gifYou acquire an item: accordionoid rocca


  • The image for this monster was changed on February 28, 2014. It used to be:


  • In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida is a song by the band Iron Butterfly. The song is seventeen minutes long and features an extended drum solo.
  • The fact that this monster drops olives is a reference to a piece of legacy Army terminology. The basic dull green color that most army equipment was painted was called olive drab green.
  • In Wayne's World, Wayne attempts to start playing Stairway to Heaven in a guitar store, but a store employee shows him a sign saying "No Stairway." This causes Wayne to turn to the camera and say "No Stairway! Denied!"
  • One of the attack messages may refer to classic rock group The Who, who were notorious for smashing their guitars at the end of their acts.
  • The advice "In case of Stairway, use fire" is a chiasmus of the sign in or near elevators which reads "USE STAIRS IN CASE OF FIRE."