Don Crimbo's Fundraising Drive

Don Crimbo

First visit:

I greet you most warmly in the spirit of this festive season, [Player Name].

It was wise of you to answer my summons, because I wish to enlist your cooperation in making this the best Crimbo that the Kingdom has ever been priviliged^[sic] to witness.

As I'm sure you're aware, holiday cheer and goodwill does not come cheap, and I am not a penguin who is accustomed to losing money on business ventures. Therefore, I am asking the citizens of Loathing to, out of the goodness of their hearts, donate Meat to my organization.

Don't misunderstand me: I don't want your Meat. I want that you should organize some of the Kingdom's available work force -- those that some call 'hobos' -- to collect Meat for me. The hobos will solicit these voluntary donations on my behalf.

Your responsibility will be to anticipate what locations will be ideal for donation-collecting. You must also choose how best to motivate your workforce, and what incentives they should give those who donate (besides the incentive of having two intact kneecaps.)

You'll notice I have today's newspaper on the bulletin board, here. Keep an eye on the news and weather forecast each day, and I am confident you will excel in this endeavor. Maximize donations, and I will be pleased -- and I think we know what the other half of that equation is, do we not?

First visit on subsequent days:

It would appear that your hobos collected [Amount] Meat for me yesterday. That brings your total to [Amount] Meat. I would remind you that this Crimbo will only be as festive as there is Meat to make it festive. As I am the reigning monarch of Crimbo, it would displease me greatly should Crimbo be insufficiently festive. I trust you'll use your remaining time wisely.

On final day:

It would appear that your hobos collected [Amount] Meat for me yesterday. That brings your total to [Amount] Meat. I am grateful that you have proven your loyalty in this matter. Visit me in the Crimbo Compound, and I will give you a reward befitting your efforts.

After final day:

It would appear that your hobos collected a total of [Amount] Meat. I am grateful that you have proven your loyalty in this matter. Visit me in the Crimbo Compound, and I will give you a reward befitting your efforts.

Every day:

Yesterday's top earner: [Player] -- [Amount] Meat.

Check Today's Newspaper

Before deploying hobos:

Deploy Hobos:

It is important to anticipate where the most suckers -- er, philanthropic citizens -- may be found. A careful eye on current events may help in that regard.

Location:

	The Right Side of the Tracks
	The Mall
	Market Square

Here's a hard truth: no one does anything for free. Hobos won't stand all day in the cold without a warm beverage. Nor will they pass a chilly day without something to eat, or stand in the blistering heat without a refreshing treat. Choose wisely.

Sustenance:

	Hot Chocolate
	Warm Sandwiches
	Delicious Wine Coolers

Threats of violence only go so far when you're soliciting charitable donations. You have to get the crowd's attention: be loud, or be seen, or give them a little something in return. And just this once, I don't mean a knuckle sandwich.

Incentive:

	Informative Signs
	Boisterous Caroling
	Free Candy

Deploy!

Back to the Wrong Side of the Tracks

Deploying hobos:

You send your army of enthusiastic hobos on their merry way.

After deploying hobos:

Don Crimbo

You have already mobilized your work force, [Player Name]. Let us not borrow trouble from the future. Come back tomorrow, and you can see how your hobos did today.

Notes

• The alternate text of Don Crimbo's image is "Don Pygoscelis".
• If you do not manually choose to motivate your hobos, you will automatically use the same settings that you used on the previous day. The revenue earned will still be counted separately in your Earning History.
• On December 25, 2009, the Don was nowhere to be found. Attempting to enter the antique shop resulted in the message: "Uncle P's is closed right now."

References

• The page for this location is named "lemonade.php", possibly a reference to the 1973 game Lemonade Stand.

See Also

• Crimbo