Diving belle

Diving belle
Monster ID	762
Locations	The Marinara Trench
Hit Points	750
Attack	400
Defense	450
No-Hit	410
Initiative	50
Meat	None
Phylum	undead
Elements	spooky
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops comb jelly, diving muff, salinated mint julep, water-polo mitt
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a diving belle

This is the decaying corpse of a Southern belle who threw herself into the ocean after being jilted by a suitor. Or perhaps after contracting consumption. Or a particularly serious case of the vapors.

Now she's doomed to eternally roam the deepest trenches of the sea, in a hopeless quest for vengeance, or for a cure, or for a... dehumidifier?

Hit Message(s):

In her terrifying drowned voice, she sings you a song -- a song of the South. It's really offensive. Ooh! Oof! Oof!

She shouts (in a horrible, wet, bubbling voice) at you to stop getting fresh, then slaps you in the face. Oof! Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Oof! Argh! Ugh!

Raising one fist in the air, she wails, "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!" Then she throws a turnip at you. Ow! Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Argh! Oof! Ooh! Eek! Oof! Ugh!

She gazes at you longingly with her dead, wet eyes. It'd be sad, if it wasn't so terrifying. Ooh! Ow! Argh! Ooh! Eek! Ow! Argh! Ouch! Eek! Ow! (spooky damage)

Critical Hit Message:

She mistakes you for one of her former suitors and plants a big kiss on you. A cold, clammy, enthusiastic, slobbery, rotten-lipped kiss. And do you know what the worst part of it is? You like it... Ow! Ow! Ow! Argh! (spooky damage)

Miss Message(s):

She makes as if to attack you, but you remind her not to forget what her good book says.

Instead of attacking you, she sits back in a nearby rocking chair and takes a long sip of a mint julep.

She considers slapping you in the face, but decides it wouldn't be proper.

She moves as if to attack you, but faints before she can get to you.

Fumble Message:

"<player name>, <player name>!" she wails, "Where shall I go? What shall I do?" "Frankly my dear," you reply, "I don't give a rat's ass." (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: comb jelly (40% chance)*

You acquire an item: diving muff (3% chance)*

You acquire an item: salinated mint julep (30% chance)*

You acquire an item: water-polo mitt

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Occurs at The Marinara Trench.

Notes

• All drops are conditional, unable to be forced by a yellow ray (or yellow ray analogue).
• The water-polo mitt drops only after asking Grandpa about Belle, and is a one-time drop.

References

• This monster's name refers to the diving bell, one of the earliest submersibles.
• The fumble message refers to an episode of That '70s Show, in which Jackie tells Fez she's cold and he replies: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a rat's ass." This in turn is a reference to the movie Gone with the Wind.
• "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" is another reference to an earlier scene in Gone with the Wind.
• Neil Young's song "Southern Man" tells him "don't forget what your good book says."
• The hit message refers to Song of the South, a film heavily criticized for its use of racial stereotypes.