Dirty thieving brigand

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Dirty thieving brigand
Monster ID 475
Locations The Themthar Hills
Hit Points 185
Attack 169
Defense 153
No-Hit 179
Initiative 50
Meat 800-1,200
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
Manuel brigand brittle
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
dirty thieving brigand You're fighting a dirty thieving brigand

This is one of the dirty rotten scoundrels that stole all of the Meat from the coffers of Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision.

Hit Message(s):

He tries to cut your pursestrings, but misses and cuts your <arm> instead. Ow! Ooh! Eek! Argh! Ugh! Ow!

He punches you in the <shins>, and it hurts way more than it ought to -- he must've been holding on to a roll of nickels. Ugh! Oof! Ow! Ouch! Ugh!

He tries to pick your pocket, and when he fails, he gets angry and kicks you in the <groin>. Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh! Ow!

He lunges toward you and tries to grab your wallet. He doesn't get it, but he does manage to bruise up your <throat> and your <giblets>. Ooh! Argh! Eek! Argh! Ooh!

He clobbers you on the back of the head with a blackjack, and steals a bunch of your Meat. After you recover, you win it all back from him in a quick game of Pai-Gow Poker. Oof! Ouch! Ow! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

He finally manages to steal some of your Meat, but not the Meat in your wallet -- the meat that makes up your <ankle>, your <arm>, and your <skull>. Ugh! Eek! Ow! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to cut your pursestrings, but you've gotten into the habit of keeping your Meat in a fanny-pack, instead, so there's nothing for him to cut.

He tries to pick your pocket, but ends up mistakenly picking his own. How embarrassing!

He tries to clobber you on the back of the head with a blackjack, but you were never much of a gambler.

He tries to pick your pocket, but you catch him red-handed, because your pocket was full of red paint.

He lunges at you, but you pull his mask up over his eyes and he just flails around harmlessly for a little while.

Fumble Message:

He gets confused and accidentally mugs himself. You point and laugh as he lay unconscious. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 800-1,200 Meat
You gain 42-43 <substat>.

Occurs at The Themthar Hills.


  • One of the sisters (Hippocampus, Cerebellum, Fornix, Colliculi, or Ganglia) will take the meat earned at the end of each battle and say, "Thank you for recovering this meat," with a different message based on the amount of Meat you've gathered.
    • If you fight another brigand (for instance, by use of a copied monster) after all the meat has been recovered, then the messages will start over at the beginning. However, the sub-quest has still been completed, and the Sisters will still take all of the dropped meat.
Meat EarnedWhat the Sister Says
0-25,000 Meat"Almost all of the Meat is still in the hands of those bandits -- please continue your efforts!"
25,000-50,000 Meat"You've recovered a good portion of the stolen Meat, but there's still plenty left."
50,000-75,000 Meat"You've recovered more than half of what was stolen, Adventurer! It won't be long now!"
75,000-100,000 Meat"You're almost done! It won't be long now until all of the Meat is recovered!"
  • Once you have gathered 100,000 Meat, a sister will take the Meat, with the accompanying message: "Thank you for recovering this Meat!" she says. "I think this is the last of it! However can we repay you for your assistance?"
    As a War Hippy: "Well," you say, "it would really help the war effort if your convent could serve as a hospital for our wounded troops."

    "Consider it done," she says. "Stop by whenever you need healing, and we'll be glad to assist you."
    As a Frat Warrior: "Well," you say, "it would really help the war effort if your convent could serve as a massage parlor. Y'know... to help our troops relax."

    "Consider it done," she says, winking. "Stop by whenever you're feeling tense, and one of our sisters will take care of you."
    • Completing this sub-quest out of uniform, such as with copied monsters, appears to give the Frat Warrior reward.
  • During this sub-quest, you do not gain any Meat from fighting the brigands. The only exceptions to this rule are the use of a meat vortex, a Mer-kin hookspear, or an activation of the Meat-stealing effects of the NPZR/Cocoabo/Hobo Monkey.
  • Stacking +meat drop effects will help you complete to the sub-quest faster, as all of the bonuses will affect the amount of Meat dropped.
  • This monster cannot be copied.


  • The "dirty rotten scoundrels" line in the text references the movie and play of the same name.


  • Became uncopyable on December 31, 2018, patching the Nun Trick in the process.