Dirty hippy Vegan chef

Dirty hippy Vegan chef
Monster ID	56
Locations	The Hippy Camp
Hit Points	30
Attack	40
Defense	36
No-Hit	50
Initiative	70
Meat	None
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops carob chunks, double-barreled sling, filthy corduroys, filthy knitted dread sack, filthy pestle, reodorant, Uncle Jick's Brownie Mix
Quest	Spanish fly
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a dirty hippy Vegan chef

This "chef" prepares tasty dishes from food that has fallen from plants and trees, so that no living thing was harmed in its preparation. Okay, so I lied about the tasty part.

Hit Message(s):

She smacks you upside the <kidney> with a peach. Peachy. Ooh! Ouch! (stench damage)

She pummels your <leg> with an unripe mango. Ugh! Ugh! (stench damage)

She smacks you upside the head with a rotten apple. Great, that's going to spoil your whole barrel. Ugh! Eek! Ouch! (stench damage)

She pelts you with windfall figs, using several Newtons worth of force. Ouch! Ouch! (stench damage)

She hits you with a banana, a banana, a banana, and an orange. Orange you glad she didn't hit you with a fourth banana? Oof! Ugh! (stench damage)

Critical Hit Message:

She hits you with an entire fruit salad of rotting windfall fruit -- a peach, an apple, two oranges, a banana, and more. It's like being headbutted by Carmen Miranda. Argh! Ooh! Argh! (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

She starts to smack you with a peach, but you remind her that she's non-violent and your face might hurt the peach.

She chucks a mango at you, but you move aside and let the mango through.

She tries to smack you with a rotten apple, but it's too mushy to do any harm.

She tries to pelt you with windfall figs, but can't muster up enough Newtons of force to throw them far enough.

She challenges you to a vegetable-chopping contest, but you julienne more.

She starts to throw a bunch of bananas at you, but a tarantula crawls out and scares her. She should have paid more attention to Harry Belafonte.

Fumble Message:

She throws an entire bowl of rotting windfall fruit at you. Before it can hit you, though, an entire swarm of fruit flies descends and devours it in midair. Like they say, time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: carob chunks (30.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: double-barreled sling (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: filthy knitted dread sack (4.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: Uncle Jick's Brownie Mix (30.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: reodorant (5.2% chance)*

You acquire an item: filthy corduroys (2.2% chance)*

You acquire an item: filthy pestle (5.1% chance)*

• With a Spanish fly trap equipped.

You acquire an item: Spanish fly (25% chance)*

You gain 8 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Hippy Camp.

References

• The mango miss message refers to an oft-repeated line in the 1996 song "Super Bon Bon" by Soul Coughing: "Move aside / and let the man go through."
• The bananas miss message refers to a popular urban legend about tarantulas being found among bunches of bananas in supermarkets. It also refers to "The Banana Boat Song" by Harry Belafonte.
• The figs miss message refers to the popular cookie known in the U.S. as Fig Newtons.
• The vegetable-chopping miss message refers to the actress Julianne Moore.
• "...time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana" is a Groucho Marx (Marx Brothers) quote.