Defeating The Naughty Sorceress

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Instant Karma is still awarded by King Ralph for 'leaderboard' bad moon and dietary path runs, even though those leaderboards are no longer visible in the museum. On a similar note, leaderboard runs for the Standard path only grants karma if you're not on the (hidden) list of best runs, as opposed to the (visible) list of best runs per player.

The Naughty Sorceress

You'll have to beat the Naughty Sorceress in each of her 3 forms, with no break in between.

Some special challenge paths replace the Naughty Sorceress with a different boss, and may replace some or all of her forms:

Path Boss Replaces
Plumber Wa%playername/lowercase% Only one form
Bees Hate You The Guy Made Of Bees 3rd form
Avatar of Boris The Avatar of Sneaky Pete All forms
Bugbear Invasion Bugbear Captain All forms
Zombie Slayer Rene C. Corman 3rd form
Avatar of Jarlsberg Clancy, then The Avatar of Boris All forms
KOLHS Principal Mooney All forms
The Avatar of Sneaky Pete The Avatar of Jarlsberg 3rd form
Heavy Rains The Rain King All forms
Actually Ed the Undying %playername the Adventurer All forms
The Source One Thousand Source Agents All forms
License to Adventure "Blofeld" All Forms
Pocket Familiars Jerry Bradford, Pokéfam World Champion All Forms
Dark Gyffte %alucard% All Forms

While the general strategies for these bosses are applicable, see the boss' pages for specific strategies.

General Info

Question.gif Data on this page needs confirmation.

She no longer shrugs deleveling as a free action every time -- can she still do it at all? If so, under what circumstances?
  • You must defeat the NS's first two forms in combat. Unless you are in a Special Challenge Path with a different tertiary form, the third one will be defeated only if you have the Wand of Nagamar present in your inventory. As of NS13 it is no longer necessary to have it equipped.
  • At the start of the fight, the NS will strip you of all non-intrinsic status effects/buffs that provide a benefit to you. She will not strip Negative Status Effects.
    • Note that her first attack happens before your buffs are removed. Any defensive buffs you have (such as Scarysauce) will take effect on the first round. Also, your maximum HP is debuffed after her first attack.
  • At the beginning of the fight the sorceress will hit your familiar with a curse, halving its effective weight. However, for the first three ascensions on a new character, your familiar will be at three-quarters of its effective weight.
  • Before NS13, the sorceress's stats would scale to match your own. As of NS13 this is no longer the case. The first form of the sorceress is approximately Monster Level 190, with 400 HP. The second form is approximately ML 205 with roughly 600 HP. You want to buff yourself up with the best possible equipment you have, just like any other boss.
  • If you smashed the mirror, she will be fully immune to all stuns and staggers.
  • She can heal herself instead of attacking. This may put her HP above its starting value.
  • After 50 rounds of combat on one form you automatically lose the fight, but you will not get Beaten Up.
  • Like The Bonerdagon, she can block your skills and combat items.
    • Letting the Sorceress beat you up will cause her to block fewer of your actions in the next fight. Spading on the AFH forums reveals that letting her beat you up four times will drop her block rate to 30%. More than that will not help.
    • If she blocks your skill/item(s), then your familiar will not be able to act that round.
    • If you use Ambidextrous Funkslinging, then your familiar can attack unless she blocks each of your items separately.
    • If you use a simple weapon attack, then your familiar can act even if you miss.
    • Having high buffed Mysticality will reduce her block rate against spells.
  • Damage Absorption and Damage Reduction have their standard effects.
  • She will get the jump on you with each form.
  • Like the Boss Bat, she can steal MP from you instead of performing a normal attack.
  • She can "shrug off" deleveling that you have done to her. Before the 2015 revamps, this was always a free action; she would shrug and attack in one round.
  • The Ragamuffin Imp familiar cannot hit the NS in any form; its fireballs always go wide when attacking her.

General Strategy

  • Remember that gazing into the mirror not only makes the Naughty Sorceress less difficult, it gives you a 20% buff to all stats. For beginners, it's well worth spending an Adventure instead of smashing it.
  • Try to wear equipment that decreases the damage you take. If you have Tao of the Terrapin, strong armor will increase your Damage Absorption until she can barely hurt you. Otherwise, equipment that boosts your Moxie is a good investment: it's a huge leap from taking 40 damage per turn to taking only 20.
    • This battle is very easy for Moxie classes: if they raise their Moxie to 210, the NS will miss most of her attacks.
    • Muscle classes can use Hero of the Half-Shell and a shield to decrease the damage they take.
  • You can use a vampire collar, which steals HP with critical hits.
  • If you have Torso Awaregness, there are several shirts which grant additional Damage Absorption, or increase stats, or increase damage, or raise your maximum HP. For Softcore players, the sea salt scrubs are noteworthy.
  • Combat items or skills that stun can be extremely helpful against the NS. Although they can be blocked, they will increase your chance of winning the fight if they're not. The Combat Items page has several excellent lists of items you can use for healing, restoring MP, deleveling, and dealing damage.
  • MP will be a scarce resource that must be managed throughout the battle. Using low-cost skills (such as those listed above), MP-cost-reducing equipment, items which give you additional maximum MP, and familiars that can replenish your MP (like the ninja pirate zombie robot or Star Starfish) will help. Also note that many MP restoration items (including magical mystery juice) are usable in combat.
  • Healing in-combat is unreliable because of her skill- and item-blocking. Ambidextrous Funkslinging helps by giving you two chances per round of getting at least one healing item to work. If you want to heal yourself, don't wait until the last possible moment.
  • Use whichever of your combat familiars is best for damage. Probably this will be whichever is heaviest (keeping in mind that the NS decreases your familiars' weight as described above). Deleveling familiars are a mixed blessing since they will delevel the NS until she shrugs it off.
  • As you complete more ascensions, the World's Best Adventurer sash gains in power, making the NS fight more trivial with time invested into the game.
  • The Drowsy Sword is worth special mention as it provides -10 ML at the start of combat, then does quite a bit of deleveling with each hit. Users will find that this weapon is extremely effective until the first time the NS shrugs off her deleveling. Once she shrugs off deleveling, though, her damage output will be high, and hitting her will be difficult.

IotM/Softcore items

  • The 7-inch discus is particularly effective against the Naughty Sorceress. Scoring a critical hit during the fight will give the Snobby effect, which will remain with you until the end of the fight. Most characters will be able to fight without being hit for the rest of the combats; however, it is an item from the Sea, which does not open until level 11 and costs 10,000 meat to get into if you don't/can't pull a breathing apparatus, and it is rather hard to get, so this strategy is of little to no use in Hardcore.
  • Due to the percentage scaling of class-based Smithsness equipments, they are well-suited for the Naughty Sorceress fight. Even though she will remove your Merry Smithsness effect, a 10% boost to your mainstat from the weapon alone can help you reach the required stats to reliably damage her. With a Vicar's Tutu to add more Smithsness, you gain a 20% stat bonus from the weapon and 20 HP from the pants.
  • Since her opening dispel won't remove most intrinsics, the Little Geneticist DNA-Splicing Lab can be greatly helpful. Hybridizing yourself with a humanoid gives +10% to all stats, which is helpful for all possible strategies. A beast provides +30 to weapon damage instead, if your main problem is that you're not damaging her fast enough.

Outfits By Class

Seal Clubber

This outfit assumes you do not have Hero of the Half-Shell. If you do have that skill, you don't need to worry about Moxie; check the Turtle Tamer outfit for suggestions focused on increasing your Muscle.

Without Half-Shell, playing as a Seal Clubber is a balancing act: you want enough muscle to hit her, but you also want enough moxie that she doesn't kill you quickly. Healing items are a great help, especially scented massage oil since your hit point total is so high. If you have trouble, try spending some turns leveling your Muscle and Moxie. If you run completely out of healing items, you may find the best solution is to level your Moxie until she can't hit you – see the Moxie class outfits for more suggestions along these lines.

Starting the fight with full Fury helps greatly for Seal Clubbers. Seething of the Snow Leopard adds a significant amount of damage, and Thirst of the Weasel helps you survive. As a downside, losing to the NS means you'll lose all your Fury, which can set you back and make the NS harder until you build up your Fury again. Therefore, plan accordingly before you tackle the NS.

Turtle Tamer

This outfit assumes you have the skill Hero of the Half-Shell, which makes your life much easier by letting you ignore your Moxie stat. If you don't have that skill, check the Seal Clubber outfit for suggestions focused on improving your Moxie as well as your Muscle.

Try hard to get your Muscle to 205; after that, it's okay to focus on Damage Reduction or increased attack damage. If your Muscle gets to 210, you'll be able to hit her automatically by simple-attacking, although your other skills can finish her off faster depending on how often she blocks. Be sure to bring some healing items, especially scented massage oil since your hit point total is so high. If you have trouble, try spending some turns leveling your Muscle, possibly leveling to 14 to learn Half-Shell. If you run completely out of healing items, you may find the best solution is to level your Moxie until she can't hit you – see the Moxie class outfits for more suggestions along these lines.

Unfortunately for Turtle Tamers, the NS can remove Turtle Blessings, which means your skills are gimped when facing her. Therefore, simply attacking her is the best solution against the NS, but at least she won't block your attacks.

Pastamancer

Spellslinging in hardcore is difficult since it's so hard to build a good chefstaff. Prepping the items for a Staff of the Soupbone is the easiest way to obtain a chefstaff. Since the rate of blocking skills goes down the more times you lose, it may be the best choice to do so in order to make defeating the NS easier. An alternative option is to use Battlefield combat items on her instead (especially with Ambidextrous Funkslinging!). Bring lots of healing items.

Binding a Penne Dreadful can help immensely with survival, since it sets your base Moxie equal to Mysticality and isn't removable. In case where you simply don't have enough stats, you just have to level Mysticality with it to benefit from it. A Level 10 Angel Hair Wisp also helps since it blocks attacks, but you would need to spend time leveling it beforehand to do so.

Sauceror

Spellslinging in hardcore is difficult since it's so hard to build a good chefstaff. A Staff of the Soupbone works, but you must have Pastamastery permed to build one in Hardcore. Casting a Curse on the NS early on helps. A Curse of the Thousand Islands can give her the taste of her own medicine, while a Curse of Marinara heals you and deals a bit of damage every round, allowing you to last longer. Curse of Weaksauce can also work, but remember that the NS can remove delevels after a certain point. Similar to the Pastamancer, losing to the NS on purpose to lower her block rate is a possible strategy.

Some players prefer to max out their Moxie and use Battlefield combat items on her instead (especially with Ambidextrous Funkslinging!). Bring lots of healing items. If you have trouble, try spending some turns leveling your Moxie. If you run completely out of combat items, you may find the best solution is to level your Moxie until she can't hit you – see the Moxie class outfits for more suggestions along these lines.

Disco Bandit

If you get your Moxie to 210, she won't be able to hit you, and you can kill her at leisure. If you get close to 210 and then use a few deleveling skills on her second form, that works too. Note that the nasty rat mask will automatically delevel her by 5. You need to deal over 600 damage in 50 turns (and sometimes she heals); this should be no problem with the star crossbow or any better weapon. If you can sacrifice a little Moxie, you might equip a beer bong and a wicker shield for the extra damage and damage reduction; if, with the beer bong, your Moxie is only a little bit higher than 210 she may hit you, due to the monster level +5 effect; in that case you can use a happiness instead. You shouldn't take too much damage, but it's probably best to have a couple of healing items in case she gets lucky.

If your strategy relies on deleveling her until she can't hit you, try not to use a deleveling familiar, because the familiar will keep deleveling her until she shrugs it all off and starts hitting you again.

If you want to build Momentum for Frantic Gyrations, then you can only use Disco Dance II since the NS removes delevels higher than 5. If delevel removal is not a concern, then you can try to build 3 Momentum to make yourself much to hit, but watch out for skill blocks.

Ambidextrous Funkslinging is particularly useful against the Sorceress, with all the damage and healing items you've saved up from the level 12 quest.

Accordion Thief

If you get your Moxie to 210, she won't be able to hit you, and you can kill her at leisure. If you get close to 210 and then use some deleveling items on her second form, that works too. Note that the nasty rat mask will automatically delevel her by 5. You need to deal over 600 damage in 50 turns (and sometimes she heals); this should be no problem with the star crossbow or any better weapon. You shouldn't take too much damage, but it's probably best to have a couple of healing items in case she gets lucky.

If your strategy relies on deleveling her until she can't hit you, try not to use a deleveling familiar, because the familiar will keep deleveling her until she shrugs it all off and starts hitting you again.

While all your accordion buffs are removed by the NS, you can hit her well below the required Moxie with Crab Claw Technique, although you still need Moxie to dodge her attacks, a feat easily doable with thanks to Accordion Appreciation. Even just your Epic Weapon adds 14 Moxie, but upgrading it to a Squeezebox of the Ages adds 8 more Moxie and 30 Ranged Weapon Damage, which adds a significant boost to your damage output.

She's dead. Now what?

The king floats in front of you, suspended in a mystical prism (which explains why the prism has no straight lines in it). He waves at you helplessly and shouts something, but you can't hear it.

Free King Ralph XI

Remember, some of the trophies must be bought from the Trophy Hut BEFORE freeing the king, or you will have to wait for another ascension!

Click on the Sorceress' prism to Free King Ralph from it.

Kingprism2.gif
You shout "Hi-keeba!" and deliver a fierce karate chop to the prism. It shatters into a quintillion tiny pieces of magic, which whirl around the king and blow him back to safety on top of the decimated sorceress' tower.
The shards of magic form a swirling vortex in the sky, which rips a gash in the very fabric of reality. Whoops.
King Ralph the XI stands before you in all his regal glory. "I'm sorry, adventurer," he says, "but the king is in another castle." Then he breaks into a hearty chuckle. "Well done, adventurer! You laid the smack down on that skank with admirable derring-do and panache. I am eternally in your debt."

If you have completed a leaderboard run:

"And you did the whole thing so quickly! The universe is almost undoubtedly as appreciative of your efficiency as I am of your efforts."
Karma.gifYou acquire an item: Instant Karma

If you have just successfully completed your first Hardcore ascension:

You have been granted access to a new chat channel: /hardcore

If you have just successfully completed an Avatar of Boris run:

You sense that your road has come to an end.

If you have just successfully completed a Zombie Slayer‎ run:

Behind the Gash

If you have just successfully completed an Avatar of Jarlsberg run:

[You sense that your road has come to an end.]

If you have just successfully completed an Avatar of Sneaky Pete run:

[Time to head off into the sunset.]

If completing Gelatinous Noob:

Finally Human

If completing Dark Gyffte:

Thank You, Come Again

If completing Path of the Plumber:

Game over...

If completing Grey You:

You smash the crystal, freeing the king. He blinks sleepily, and stretches.
"My word, is it that time again already? Hmm -- you're not the usual sort of adventurer. What's going on?"
You explain the events of the last however long it took you, and he strokes his lack of a beard thoughtfully. "I see, I see. Well, good on you for telling me, instead of just assimilating me. Very admirable. I suppose you must have gained some human empathy after all, or perhaps you had some all along. We will need to get rid of all the gray goo, though. You must have shed quite a lot of it, with all the fighting you've done."
He looks around, and picks up a fragment of the shattered prism. "I do believe this prism should have enough magic left in it to do the trick. I'm not a wizard or anything, but you can't spend as much time inside one of these as I have without learning a trick or two." He collects the largest shards, and closes his eyes in concentration. The crystalline shards glow, then dissolve into a pink light that slowly fades away.
"There we go! Marvellous. I was able to collect all of the gray goo in the Kingdom into a large sphere, and transport it back in time about a year and a half, where it will crash harmlessly into the ocean. Problem solved! Oh -- except for you, of course. Going to have to turn you into a regular person. So -- what sort of person do you want to be?"
Choose a kind of person...

If you Meet Frank:

Frank.gif
"Nice work, Chief!" says Frank. "You really showed her. And with that out of the way, I can finally shuffle off what's left of this mortal coil. I'll see you on the other side!"
Frank vanishes into the shimmering portal behind where the king's prism used to be.

Enter the Portal

A scintillating, vibrating hole in the very fabric of reality floats just above the ruins of the sorceress' chamber. Looking at it makes your eyes hurt a little bit, and the high-pitched whistling noise coming out of it doesn't help, either. Still, its siren call is hard to resist.

Once you DO reach the top and have freed the king, you don't have to ascend right away. You can finish your business in this life, and then enter the portal. When you do enter the portal, you will spend some time Beyond the Pale and then choose your ascension path. You may still enter the Astral Gash if you are falling-down drunk. You can enter the Astral Gash with 0 adventures as well.

If you have just finished a Hardcore ascension, you can now access your items at Hagnk's between freeing the king and jumping through the portal.

Council Text

  • On initial visit:
Now that you have proven yourself, the Council has deemed that it is time for you to embark upon your final quest. Seek out and destroy the Naughty Sorceress, who has plagued these lands for so long, and rescue King Ralph XI, whom she has imprismed.
Go forth to her Lair, east of the Nearby Plains! Beat her down!
  • On subsequent visits:
Be strong, Adventurer! You must defeat the Naughty Sorceress! You'll find her Lair just east of the Nearby Plains.
  • After defeating the Sorceress, but before freeing King Ralph:
"Congratulations, Adventurer! You have defeated the Naughty Sorceress and brought peace to the land again. Say, did you know she was your mother?
Nah, just kidding. Anyway, I notice you left the king imprismed up there. It would be horrible if you left him there, because then the monsters would continue to fight adventurers and we would continue to have absolute power throughout the land. Yup, that sure would be a drag.
I guess you should probably go free him, though. But, y'know, take your time. If there's anything really important you have to do first, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your campsite, just go ahead and do that.
Seriously, no rush."
  • After quest completion:
"Congratulations, Adventurer! It's the end of your quest as we know it. Don't worry, we feel fine. You've freed the king and made us obsolete. Ah, well. Hail to the king, baby.
There's one little matter of obscure prophecy we forgot to tell you about, though. Sorry -- Dave, our librarian, just brought it to our attention. Apparently, your physical presence is somehow tied to the continuing monster attacks in the kingdom. As long as you remain on this plane of existence, the attacks will continue. It seems that it wasn't just the Sorceress -- the monsters just really, really don't like you.
I don't suppose you'd bugger off this mortal coil, would you? Our instruments (especially the tuba) show there's a rip in the fabric of reality that appeared when you fought the Sorceress. If you jump in there, you'll ascend to a higher plane and peace will rule our land."

Rewards

The next two accomplishments will show up in your personal profile:

  • You have defeated the Naughty Sorceress.
  • You have freed King Ralph XI from the Sorceress' prism.
  • When you complete your first Hardcore ascension, you gain access to channel /hardcore.
  • Ascension!

Notes

  • If you attempt to browse the directory of images, you can view chamber1.gif through chamber5.gif (the different sections of the Sorceress' Chamber collapsing as challenges are met). If you use logical number progression, the next image should be chamber6.gif, right? Well, there's an image there, but it's not quite what you expected:
    Chamber6.gif
  • Note: chamber7 is the same image.
  • Before sometime in 2011, the prism couldn't be broken when falling-down drunk. This message appeared upon trying:
Trust me -- you're going to want to be sober for this confrontation...

References

  • "I'm sorry, adventurer, but the king is in another castle" is a reference to Super Mario Bros. In it, every time you beat a castle, a Toad tells you, "Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!"
  • The fact that he actually is the sought-after king may also be a reference to Super Mario Bros. 3, in which the Princess makes a similar joke.
  • Princess Zelda was trapped in a magic prism in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and the prism exploding is also in the game.
  • The Council's "Our instruments (especially the tuba) show..." is a reference to Eddie Izzard's Dress to Kill HBO special, and her Definite Article DVD.
  • In Baldur's Gate, Dark Alliance, when fighting the second-last boss, the arena is exactly like The Sorceress' Tower (Top).
  • King Ralph XI may be a reference to the movie King Ralph with John Goodman.
  • "You have defeated the Naughty Sorceress and brought peace to the land again. Say, did you know she was your mother?" is a reference to The Empire Strikes Back. (More accurately, it's a reference to the beginning of the Naughty Sorceress fight, where she says the same thing. That section of the conversation is a reference to Star Wars, specifically The Empire Strikes Back. "Lame micro-organism in your bloodstream" is a reference to Star Wars: The Phantom Menace where it is revealed that The Force is caused by midichlorians).
  • "Hi-keeba!" is a line from the "Women of the Prehistoric Planet" episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. One of the men in the movie being riffed yelled it when performing a karate chop, and Joel and the bots repeated it frequently for the rest of the movie.
  • The siren call in the Astral Gash text is a reference to Greek Mythology. The Sirens produced songs that were irresistible to any who heard them, singing them to seduce passing sailors, causing their ships to wreck.
  • The Council's "It's the end of your quest as we know it. Don't worry, we feel fine" is a reference to the R.E.M. song "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)," from their 1987 album Document.
  • The Astral Gash (including the Council's reasoning for telling you to go through it) is a parallel to the conclusion of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 5, in which the villainess has been killed, but Buffy still must jump into a glowing gash in reality (and go to Heaven) to save the world. The fact that it is a matter of "obscure prophecy" brought to their attention by a librarian suggests that this is an especially deliberate reference.
  • The Council's "I don't suppose you'd bugger off this mortal coil" is an double reference, to Monty Python and to Shakespeare. In Shakespeare's Hamlet, during the famous "To be or not to be" speech, Hamlet says, "For in that sleep of death what dreams may come / When we have shuffled off this mortal coil." Alluding to this, in Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch, it is stated that the parrot has "buggered off this mortal coil," as a way of saying that the parrot is deceased.
  • "Good luck - we're all counting on you" in your quest log after defeating her familiars but before defeating the Naughty Sorceress is Dr. Rumack's repeated last line in Airplane!
  • The Council's "Hail to the king baby" is a line from Army of Darkness.
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