Danglin' Chad

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Danglin' Chad
Monster ID 519
Locations The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points 320
Attack 210
Defense 189
No-Hit 220
Initiative 80
Meat 240-360
Phylum orc
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
beer helmet, bejeweled pledge pin, Danglin' Chad's loincloth, distressed denim pants, kick-ass kicks, white class ring
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Danglin' Chad You're fighting Danglin' Chad

You hear a rustling from the leaves in the trees above you. Did I mention there are trees in this section of the battlefield? You catch a brief glimpse of a pastel-pink polo shirt with the collar popped, and some wraparound shades. Suddenly, a frat boy swings down from a branch straight at you! This must be the famous "Danglin' Chad," a frat boy who has killed so many brain cells through excessive beer consumption that he has started to devolve (is he not man? He is devo). He spends all his time swinging through trees and flinging his own filth. I highly recommend you don't shake hands with him.

Hit Message(s):

He lands on your shoulders and grooms you, eating all the bugs he finds. It grosses you out a little. Ooh! Ow! (sleaze damage)

He throws something at you. I won't describe it, because this is a family game, but it ain't pleasant when it hits you. Ow! Ooh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

He swings down on a vine and kicks you in the <arse> with his kick-ass kicks. Ow! Ooh!

He leaps from the branches and lands square on your <bung>. Ow! Ouch! Ugh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He leaps onto a branch, beats his chest, yodels a little, then swings down at you, furiously flinging filth. You cower under the alliteration and the disgusting attack. Ouch! Ouch! Argh! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to groom you, but you don't have any tasty bugs for him to eat.

He tries to fling his filth at you, but you dodge the filthy attack.

He swings down on a vine, but misses you and crashes into another tree. He should have watched out for that tree.

He tries to leap down at you, but Ziggy says he can't leap until he tells his daughter he loves her.

Fumble Message:

He tries to swing down at you while beating his chest and flinging filth. Since he only has two arms, he succeeds only in falling off the vine and landing flat on his back. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 240-360 Meat (average: 300, stdev: 24.9)*
Loincloth.gifYou acquire an item: Danglin' Chad's loincloth (100% chance)*
Beerhelmet.gifYou acquire an item: beer helmet (? chance)*
Fratwarpin.gifYou acquire an item: bejeweled pledge pin (? chance)*
Deminpants.gifYou acquire an item: distressed denim pants (? chance)*
Kicks.gifYou acquire an item: kick-ass kicks (? chance)*
Rankring3.gifYou acquire an item: white class ring (? chance)*
You gain 55-56 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

Notes

  • This monster cannot be copied.
  • Occurs between 801 and 900 frat casualties, if at all.

References