Cubist bull

Cubist bull
Monster ID	393
Locations	The Haunted Gallery
Hit Points	55
Attack	56
Defense	50
Initiative	50
Meat	60-90
Phylum	beast
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, leg, torso
Drops 4-dimensional guitar, broken sword
Bounty	non-Euclidean hoof
Accordion	non-Euclidean non-accordion
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a cubist bull

As you're walking through the Haunted Gallery, you hear a strange muffled snort behind you. You turn around, and see one of the hardest-to-look-at things you've ever seen. It's obviously supposed to be a bull, but it looks like a bull would look if your eyes were in two different rooms while you were looking at it.

It scrapes at the ground with its single misshapen hoof, and charges in a direction that's either straight toward you or perpendicular to straight toward you -- you can't really tell.

Hit Message(s):

It lurches its head away from you, and gores you in the <knee>. Ugh! Oof! Eek! Ow! Oof!

The bull simultaneously gores you in the <leg> with one horn, and in the <foot> with the other. Somehow. Ooh! Oof! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

The bull runs straight up a wall, trampling you. Eek! Oof! Eek! Oof! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

The bull charges into a nearby painting of a china shop, causing razor-sharp shards of porcelain shrapnel to fly everywhere. You get cut, man. You get cut real bad. Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

It runs straight toward you, which also happens to be straight away from you, so nothing bad happens.

The bull charges you, but passes through you like it wasn't even there. Because it wasn't. It was somewhere else.

It runs toward you, but sees a cubist horse out of the corner of its eye and runs toward that, instead.

Fumble Message:

The bull suddenly experiences a bizarre perspective shift and falls through the floor. You hear it clomping back up the stairs, and then it stomps angrily back into the gallery (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 60-90 Meat (average: 75, stdev: 6.52)*

You acquire an item: 4-dimensional guitar (4.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: broken sword (4.7% chance)*

• If you are on the appropriate bounty hunt:

You acquire a bounty item: non-Euclidean hoof

(X of 11 found)

You gain 26-27 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Haunted Gallery.

Notes

• If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:

  Tucked into a corner of space between two non-adjacent parts of the bull, you notice a strange accordion. Your eyes light up and then cross.

• If you then cast Steal Accordion:

  You close your eyes, reach behind you, and steal the accordion without touching it.

  You acquire an item: non-Euclidean non-accordion

References

• This monster is a reference to cubism and Picasso's painting Guernica. The bull can be seen in the upper left of the painting, and the broken sword it drops can be seen in the painting's lower-right. The painting also contains a cubist horse.

History

• Prior to May 14, 2014 this monster had significantly higher stats (105 attack, 94 defense, 110 HP) and meat drop (Mval 200).