Cubist bull

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Cubist bull
Monster ID 393
Locations The Haunted Gallery
Hit Points 55
Attack 56
Defense 50
Initiative 50
Meat 60-90
Phylum beast
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, leg, torso
4-dimensional guitar, broken sword
Bounty non-Euclidean hoof
Accordion non-Euclidean non-accordion
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
cubist bull You're fighting a cubist bull

As you're walking through the Haunted Gallery, you hear a strange muffled snort behind you. You turn around, and see one of the hardest-to-look-at things you've ever seen. It's obviously supposed to be a bull, but it looks like a bull would look if your eyes were in two different rooms while you were looking at it.

It scrapes at the ground with its single misshapen hoof, and charges in a direction that's either straight toward you or perpendicular to straight toward you -- you can't really tell.

Hit Message(s):

It lurches its head away from you, and gores you in the <bung>. Ugh! Argh! Ow! Ooh! Argh!

The bull simultaneously gores you in the <arm> with one horn, and in the <face> with the other. Somehow. Ooh! Eek! Ooh! Ow! Ow!

The bull runs straight up a wall, trampling you. Eek! Eek! Eek! Ooh! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

The bull charges into a nearby painting of a china shop, causing razor-sharp shards of porcelain shrapnel to fly everywhere. You get cut, man. You get cut real bad. Ouch! Ooh! Oof! Ugh! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

It runs straight toward you, which also happens to be straight away from you, so nothing bad happens.

The bull charges you, but passes through you like it wasn't even there. Because it wasn't. It was somewhere else.

It runs toward you, but sees a cubist horse out of the corner of its eye and runs toward that, instead.

Fumble Message:

The bull suddenly experiences a bizarre perspective shift and falls through the floor. You hear it clomping back up the stairs, and then it stomps angrily back into the gallery (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 60-90 Meat (average: 75, stdev: 6.52)*
4dguitar.gifYou acquire an item: 4-dimensional guitar (4.8% chance)*
Brokesword.gifYou acquire an item: broken sword (4.7% chance)*
Hoof.gifYou acquire a bounty item: non-Euclidean hoof
(X of 11 found)
You gain 26-27 <substat>.

Occurs at The Haunted Gallery.


  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    Tucked into a corner of space between two non-adjacent parts of the bull, you notice a strange accordion. Your eyes light up and then cross.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    You close your eyes, reach behind you, and steal the accordion without touching it.
    Acc9.gifYou acquire an item: non-Euclidean non-accordion


  • This monster is a reference to cubism and Picasso's painting Guernica. The bull can be seen in the upper left of the painting, and the broken sword it drops can be seen in the painting's lower-right. The painting also contains a cubist horse.


  • Prior to May 14, 2014 this monster had significantly higher stats (105 attack, 94 defense, 110 HP) and meat drop (Mval 200).