Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E. (familiar)

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Familiar number: 77
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Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
Festive and useful It helps you, and breaks your foes to pieces on earth.

Does all sorts of festive stuff

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Ability: Attacks, de-levels opponent, restores MP, prevents opponents from attacking, acts as a Volleyball (or a Sombrero with the right equipment), occasionally gives humorous buffs

Throne/Bjorn: All Attributes +10, sometimes delevels opponent by 3-5

Hatchling: Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.

Familiar-Specific Equipment: metallic foil bow, metallic foil radar dish

	Ultimate Cage Match	Scavenger Hunt	Obstacle Course	Hide and Seek

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

+30% Meat Drop	4-5 MP	+3 Muscle statgain	+25% Item Drop	+4 Mysticality statgain	8-10 HP	+2 Moxie statgain
*Hover for details

Cannot breathe underwater

Combat Messages

• At the start of combat:

  <name> extends a needle-tipped robotic arm and injects you with performance-enhancing nanobots.

  You acquire an effect: Cybernetic Muscles (duration: X Adventures)

  or

  You acquire an effect: Neuromancy (duration: X Adventures)

  or

  You acquire an effect: Can Has Cyborger (duration: X Adventures)

  <name> extends an antenna with a Tesla coil on it, electrifying the air. Signs, signs, everywhere are signs, blockin' out the scenery, dealing X damage.

  You gain Y Mana Points.

  <name> extends a hose and sprays an oil slick in from^[sic] of <it>. <It> slips and misses you -- you should drop by more often!

• Attack messages:

  <name> extends a robotic arm with a chainsaw on the end. Before you can say "Hail to the king, baby," it chops it for X damage.

  <name> spins around and blows a thick cloud of smoke from its exhaust. It completely engulfs your opponent, making it impossible for <it> to see you.

  <name> extends an appendage and uses a taser on <it>, despite <its> plea of "don't tase me, bro!" <It> twitches and looks weaker.

  Monster attack power reduced by X

  Monster defense reduced by Y

  <name> extends a syringe and injects him with a fast-acting neurotoxin. He shudders and looks weaker.

  Monster attack power reduced by X

  Monster defense reduced by Y

  <name> wraps a robotic tentacle around <it> several times, then spins <it> like a festive Hannukkimbo dreidel. <it> looks confused and dizzy.

  Monster attack power reduced by X

  Monster defense reduced by Y

  <name> extends a robotic tentacle tipped with acupuncture needles, and inserts them into key pressure points on your opponent. <It> slumps over, weakened.

  Monster attack power reduced by X

  Monster defense reduced by Y

• At the end of combat (without metallic foil radar dish):

  <name> extends a cybernetic mouth and smiles broadly.

• With metallic foil radar dish equipped:

  <name> places its radar dish on the ground and does a cross between a hat dance and the Robot around it before putting it back on.

• Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:

  <Name> extends a needle-tipped arm and injects him with something. <He> shudders and looks a little weaker.

  Monster attack power reduced by 3-5

  Monster defense reduced by 3-5

• Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:

  <name> extends a little periscope up above your shoulder, and fires a laser beam directly into your opponent's eye. <He> is obviously unhappy about this.

  Monster attack power reduced by 3-5

  Monster defense reduced by 3-5

• With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:

  <name> extends a glowing red eye, which winks from under the Tam O'Shanter.

• With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:

  <name> does the jingle-bell rock around the maypole.

• With wax lips equipped:

  <name> extends a segmented arm with the wax lips on the end, like a little wax hand puppet.

Arena Messages

• When entered in an Obstacle Course:

  <name> sucks at the obstacle course - every time it runs into an obstacle, it turns around and goes back in the opposite direction.

Notes

• Will give stats as a sombrero with the metallic foil radar dish equipped and as a volleyball otherwise.
• The buff duration is equal to its weight divided by three, rounded up.
• Buffs appear to be given in about 2–3% of combats.
• The tesla coil attack will only occur if you've won initiative and triggers 20% of the time in this case.
• The damage and MP restoration range on the tesla coil attack are both Weight/2 (round up) to Weight. These values are independent of each other.
• The oil slick only occurs on the first round when losing combat initiative.
• It is possible to get both the Nanobot buff and one of the tesla coil or oil slick attack (depending on winning or losing combat initiative) in the same first round of combat.
• During combat, will act 50% of the time. Each type of action (attack, deleveling, or blocking) occurs with equal probability. Each of the deleveling messages is equally likely to occur.
• The damage of the chainsaw attack is Weight+5 to Weight+10.
• The deleveling actions delevel Weight/3 (round down) to Weight/2 (round down). A 20 pound Pressie will delevel 6 to 10 levels; a 35 pound Pressie will delevel 10 to 17 levels.

References

• Looks much like the robot V.I.N.CENT from The Black Hole.
• The Tesla coil attack is a reference to the type of resonant transformer known as a Tesla Coil, invented by the Serbian-American scientist Nikola Tesla.
• The line "Signs, signs, everywhere are signs, blockin' out the scenery" is a quote from the the song "Signs", as covered by the band Tesla.
• The chainsaw attack is a reference to Evil Dead series, where the protagonist Ash straps a chainsaw for a hand in the second movie, and "Hail to the King" is an iconic one-liner from the third.
• The taser attack refers to a taser incident at the University of Florida, where, as student Andrew Meyer was tasered for asking Senator John Kerry a loaded question, he screamed "Don't tase me, bro".
• The oil slick and cloud of smoke are two of the special weapons that you can acquire in the Spy Hunter videogame.
• The last line of the haiku is a pun on "peace on earth", in this case probably referencing a line from the carol "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing".
• The dance refers to the Christmas song "Jingle Bell Rock".
• The obstacle course message refers to early generation wind-up/robotic toys. These toys would move in a single direction until they collided with something, at which point they would turn around and try to move again.
• "Fast-acting neurotoxin" is a reference to Portal, where the antagonist mentions it frequently as she tries to kill with it.