Crazy bastard

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Crazy bastard
Monster ID 229
Locations The Sleazy Back Alley (ultra-rarely)
Hit Points 25
Attack 20
Defense 18
No-Hit 30?
Initiative always
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts unknown
crazy bastard sword
refreshedit data
crazy bastard You're fighting a crazy bastard

All of a sudden, a crazy bastard lurches out of the alley, and starts lumbering toward you with malice in his eyes. And in his eyebrows. Mostly in his eyebrows, actually.

You don't know this guy, but it appears that he wants to hit you. That's right -- some crazy bastard wants to hit you.

Hit Message(s):

He waves you over, then hits you. Why did you go over there? Ooh! Ow! Ouch! Argh!

He smacks you in the face with his big ol' sword. It big ol' hurts. Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

He hits you with the combined force of being crazy and never having known his father. It's all different kinds of painful. Ugh! Eek! Argh! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He waves you over, but you don't know that guy and you're not going over there.

He tries to smack you with his big ol' sword, but it's so big he can't swing it very fast.

Fumble Message:

He tries to hit you, but then gets distracted trying to figure out who his father is. It's kind of sad, really. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Bsword.gifYou acquire an item: crazy bastard sword
You gain 4 <substat>.

If you lose the fight:

You are knocked to the ground. As the monster walks off, he drops a white ribbon.
Ribbon.gifYou acquire an item: consolation ribbon (100% chance)*

Occurs at The Sleazy Back Alley, ultra-rarely.



  • This adventure is a reference to the song Bastard Wants To Hit Me by They Might Be Giants: "Some crazy bastard wants to hit me/He's waving me over so he can hit me/But I don't know that guy, and I'm not going over there"