Contemplate The Infinite

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Contemplate The Infinite
Contemplate The Infinite
Zone Num  ?
Location Beyond the Pale
Unlocks unknown
Recom Stat 0
Combat % 0
ML 0
Terrain indeterminate
Special Adventures
Lucky none
refreshedit data

Non-combat Adventures

The Matrix

You're sitting quietly on a cloud, trying to meditate, when you hear a strange metallic noise. You look over at the cloud next to you, and see a little bald kid in a robe, tying a spork in a knot. With his mind.

"Hey, kid," you say, "how are you doing that?"

"First, there was the Tao," he replies sagely. "From the Tao came forth the Server. From the Server came forth the Database. And from the Database came ten thousand things."


"When you realize the truth, you will see that there is no spork. It is the mind that bends."

"Your mind's pretty bent all right, kid."


You wander around contemplating the infinite. Blah, blah, drop in the ocean of eternity, blah blah sands in the hourglass, blah blah. You see a robed, hooded figure off in the near-infinite distance and hustle over to catch up with him. It turns out to be the personification of Death. You get a little dizzy looking at him/her -- he/she switches between a robed, hooded bald guy, a robed, hooded skeleton, and a hot goth girl.


"No thanks," you respond, edging away. "I'm just contemplating the infinite."


You look around. "It doesn't look blue to me..."


"But you can't get outside the infinite... it's, y'know... infinite."

Death stares at you from empty eye sockets, blue eyes rimmed with eyeliner, and brown bloodshot eyes. "HAVE IT YOUR WAY. SO, WANNA PLAY SOME BATTLESHIP?"

You manage to sink Death's battleship in a modicum of eternal time. Silly blue-infinite-espousing personification of a natural force.

Magic 8 Ball

You wander around contemplating the infinite. You figure out that it's neverending, eternal, and also really really large. You crack a yawn as you think about how infinite it is yet again.

A fellow shade approaches you and hands you a black ball with the infinity symbol on its side. "Here," he says. "This'll help you in your contemplation."

You toss the infinity ball around for a while and notice it has a little window on its back. You look into it and see a message: "My Sources Say Yes."

What could it mean? You look into the window again and see "Concentrate and Ask Again Later."

You concentrate as hard as you can and then check the window again. "My Sources Say No."

You decide the best way to use this ball to contemplate the infinite is to chuck it as hard as you can, and contemplate that no matter how far it flies, it will be no closer to the edge of infinity.


You wander around Valhallalala contemplating the infinite. The best you can come up with is it's really, really big. As you contemplate adding another "really" to your assessment, you happen upon a group of shades passing around some kind of burning tube full of weeds.

"'Sup, dude?" One of them says.

"Oh, y'know, just contemplating the infinite," you say.

"Gets pretty boring, doesn't it, man?"

"Well, y'know..."

"Here, man." The shade passes you the burning tube. "Suck on this for a second. You just need to narrow your perceptions for a while. This'll get your head in a totally finite, mundane space, dude."

You take the tube and inhale some of the smoke.

Things... change.

Asparagus.gif You're fighting a fiendish can of asparagus

In the Haunted Pantry, you're attacked by a fiendish can of asparagus. Cans of asparagus aren't normally all that scary, but this one's got a knife!

You get the jump on it.

You hit for 6 damage. BONK! SOCKO! BIFF!

You win the fight!

MeatYou gain 5 Meat.

You gain 1 Beefiness.

Occurred Beyond the Pale.


  • You do not actually gain Meat or stats. Do not try to farm here with your infinite adventures; it's a waste of time.


  • The "Matrix" adventure references the movie The Matrix.
  • The "Discworld" adventure references three different versions of Death:
    • The robed bald guy is Death from the classic film The Seventh Seal, a movie about a man who plays chess against Death. This version of Death has been parodied in other films, most notably Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (which is where the reference to Parcheesi, Twister and Battleship comes from) and The Last Action Hero.
    • The robed skeleton is a more traditional image of death, but his habit of speaking in all-capital letters is from Terry Pratchett's Discworld, as is the quote that infinity is blue "from the outside".
    • The hot goth girl is Death of the Endless, from Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics.
    • The hot goth girl could also be Susan, Death's adopted granddaughter from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series.
  • The "Magic 8 Ball" adventure references the Infinity Ball, from the episode "The Tick vs. The Big Nothing" of the animated series, The Tick. It also references the Magic 8-Ball toy.
  • The "Smokin'" adventure reference The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy article on "Space" which reads: "Space is big -- really big -- you just won't believe how vastly, hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. You may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space."