Concert pianist

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Concert pianist
Monster ID 601
Locations The Sorceress' Tower (The Stairs)
Hit Points 99999
Attack 99999
Defense 89999
No-Hit 100009
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
concert pianist You're fighting a concert pianist

This concert pianist has written a piano concerto, and he's not gonna let you leave here without hearing it. In fact, it seems that some audience participation is involved, as the piece is entitled "An Adventurer's Head Being Slammed Into a Piano Keyboard Over and Over and Over Again". You're not much of a classical music fan, so naturally some manner of dealing with this guy is in order.

By the way, he's of perfectly normal height, so let's have none of your crude jokes.

Hit Message(s):

He takes a moment to tickle the ivories. With his fists. And when I say 'ivories', I'm referring to your teeth. Ow! Oof! Oof! Ouch! Ouch! Eek! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Eek!

He slams the lid of his piano onto your head. It's a bit like getting your face caught in a giant egg-slicer. Oof! Oof! Eek! Ooh! Argh! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! Ooh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to you[sic] in the <bung>, but misses.

You lob the firecracker at the pianist, who catches it easily. It blows his fingers off, and he runs away screaming about what philistines these Loathingians are and how he'll never be able to play at Carnegie Hall now. You don't feel particularly sympathetic.
You gain ? <substat>.

Occurred at The Sorceress' Tower (The Stairs).


  • This monster's combat weakness is the Knob Goblin firecracker.
  • If you lose, you will receive a hint as to which item to use.
    • First hint: Piano-playing is this guy's raison d'êe. Maybe if you could take that away from him, somehow...
    • Second hint: You get the feeling he's not going to leave as long as he can still play the piano.
    • Third hint: Maybe if there were some way you could damage his hands, he'd get discouraged and leave you alone.
    • Fourth hint: Wasn't there something your mom always warned you against playing with, for fear you'd blow your fingers off?
    • Fifth hint: Maybe a firecracker from Cobb's Knob would put an end to this guy's ivory-tickling days.


  • "He's of perfectly normal height, so let's have none of your crude jokes" refers to an old joke where a man gets a wish from a hard-of-hearing genie, and ends up being granted a twelve-inch pianist (think about it).