Comma Chameleon Messages (H-Q)

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The Comma Chameleon familiar can consume Familiar Equipment to gain the functionality of other familiars. Each piece of equipment has a unique message when fed to a Chameleon, and another when the effect wears off.

Equipment Messages

H

  • half-height unicycle (Midget Clownfish)
    • When eaten:
      %name[sic] swallows the unicycle and develops a patch of rainbow-colored stubble.
    • When effect wears off:
      %name[sic] belches. It smells sort of like cotton candy mixed with pork and beans.
  • hardware upgrade (O.A.F.)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the hardware upgrade. She begins to boop and beep, squeaking "Danger, Will Robinson!"
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> grimaces, belches, and her metal scales turn back into regular scaly scales.
  • heavy-duty Crimbot aerial (Mini-Crimbot)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the aerial and emits a loud -BOOP-.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> emits a loud -BEEP- followed by an even louder -BURP and then stops making weird robot noises completely.******
  • high-speed upgrade (Intergnat)
    • When eaten:
      You upgrade <name> into a much faster but also more erratic and difficult to control familiar.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches loudly and suddenly looks much slower and saner.******
  • homemade robot gear (Homemade Robot)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the gear and starts wandering around aimlessly.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches and starts moving normally again.
  • hot pink lipstick (Sleazy Gravy Fairy)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the tube of hot pink lipstick, apparently confused as to its purpose (which is understandable, since she doesn't have lips). She starts to wink and flirt with you.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, spits up a hot pink glob, and looks embarrassed for having flirted with you.
  • hypodermic needle (Mosquito)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the hypodermic needle, taking great care not to poke herself with it. Her nose extends into a proboscis, and insect wings sprout from her shoulders.
    • When effect wears off:
      You hear a tiny rumbling coming from <name>'s stomach, and she belches a bit of grey smoke. Well, at least she won't be buzzing around your head anymore.

I

  • iced-out bling (Frozen Gravy Fairy)
    • When eaten:
      <name> gets her tongue stuck to the iced-out bling, then swallows it. Icicles grow from her nostrils as she dances a dance that's too cold, too cold.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, and the icicles around her nostrils finally start to melt. She changes back from blue to red, gold, and green.
  • icicle katana (Ninja Snowflake)
    • When eaten:
      You hand the katana to <name>. She shivers for a minute, and seems to become partially invisible.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches a frosty cloud into the air, and fades back into view.
  • imitation whetstone (Imitation Crab)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the whetstone and starts walking back and forth sideways.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps, then coughs up a sparkling little cloud of powdered stone.
  • immense ballet shoes (Hippo Ballerina)
    • When eaten:
      You toss the shoes to <name>. She sniffs them suspiciously, then gobbles them up, swelling to an immense girth and rising up en pointe.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> shrinks back down to a manageable size, and stops pirouetting all over the place.
  • ironic moustache (Mini-Hipster)
    • When eaten:
      <name> balances the moustache on her upper lip, then swallows it. She starts talking about how she needs to take her vintage scooter to the farmer's market.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> coughs up a wet, matted mess that used to be a moustache. The irony level in the room dips appreciably.

J

  • jalapeño slices (Pet Cheezling)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the jalapeño slices, and suddenly turns a bright, drippy orange.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, and returns to her usual color. And then hiccups again, and keeps hiccupping for several minutes, because dang those jalapeños are hot.
  • Jawmaster 2000™ (Mutant Gila Monster)
    • When eaten:
      <name> does a few reps with the Jawmaster 2000™. She grows ten times larger than she normally is.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> swallows the Jawmaster 2000™, and slowly shrinks back to normal size

K

  • kitty sheet music (Piano Cat)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the sheet music. Her ears turn furry and triangular, and she starts playing air piano.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups and coughs. She stops licking her paws clean and her fur turns to scales again.

L

  • lead collar (Sludgepuppy)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the collar and starts to glow green.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps and returns to her natural level of luminosity.******
  • licorice boa (Peppermint Rhino)
    • When eaten:
      You toss the boa to <name>. She starts chewing on it and her skin turns white with red stripes. Or possibly red with white stripes.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> swallows the last of the boa. The horns on her snout shrink away, and she turns back to her non-descript green.******
  • limburger biker boots (Stinky Gravy Fairy)
    • When eaten:
      <name> holds her nose and swallows the limbuger biker boots. She starts to bang her head, and to smell like a skunk in a sour-milk factory.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name>'s tummy rumbles loudly, and she belches one more stinky burp before settling down.
  • Little Crimson Book (Angry Jung Man)
    • When eaten:
      You toss the Crimson Book to <Name>. She grows a moustache and invites you to sit down for analysis.
    • When effect wears off:
      <Name> swallows the last of the Crimson Book's pages. Her little moustache disappears and she stops asking you detailed questions about your dreams.

M

  • magnifying glass (Star Starfish)
    • When eaten:
      <name> tosses the magnifying glass in the air, and swallows it in one gulp. Her insides are briefly magnified but, of course, no one can see that.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches loudly, and a little starlight trickles from her nostrils. She seems to return to normal after that, relatively speaking.
  • many-eyed glasses (Levitating Potato)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the many-eyed glasses in one gulp, and blinks at you through eyes that have gone multi-faceted. Her claws turn into waving vines.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups in an indecently cute fashion, and her claws become claws again. She blinks and shakes her head, trying to see through only two eyes again.
  • mayo pump (Baby Mayonnaise Wasp)
    • When eaten:
      %familiar name eats the mayo pump, and turns a rich, delicious shade of off-white.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps, and changes back to her regular, less-delicious color.******
  • Meat detector (Leprechaun)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the meat detector, and it beeps frantically as it detects all the meat inside her body. She winks at you and squeaks, "faith and begorrah!"
    • When effect wears off:
      <name>'s tummy rumbles, and she belches a little bit of smoke. At least she'll stop winking at you, now -- that was getting creepy.
  • meatcar model (Fuzzy Dice)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the meatcar model, and her body becomes cubical and decidedly fuzzy.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches loudly. Looks like she's finished digesting the fuzzy dice, but at least she won't sing the same old song anymore.
  • menorette (Hanukkimbo Dreidl)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the menorette, which hopefully was kosher. She looks up at you and squeaks, "mazel tov!"
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, and looks decidedly less kosher. At least she's stopped spinning around, 'cause she was making you dizzy.
  • metallic foil bow (Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.)
    • When eaten:
      <name> wraps her tongue around the bow and swallows it. She grows a few robotic tentacle arms, looking like something Japan would absolutely go nuts for.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, belches blue flame, and gives one last wave of her robotic arms as they disappear.
  • metallic foil radar dish (Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.)
    • When eaten:
      <name> places the radar dish on her head, like a hat. She grows a few robotic arms to match it, too.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> snaps the radar dish off her head and swallows it. Her robotic arms gradually disappear, and domo arigato for that.
  • metal mandible (Sweet Nutcracker)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the metal mandible, rather than wear it. Her legs go stiff, and she starts making "clop clop" noises through a grotesquely distended mouth.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, burps, and her mouth returns to normal size. Looks like her legs are working better now, too.
  • metrognome (Syncopated Turtle)
    • When eaten:
      <name> snags the metrognome on the downbeat, swallows it on the upbeat, and begins to sway as a shell forms on her back.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches rhythmically, and stops swaying to an inaudible beat.
  • microwave stogie (Knob Goblin Organ Grinder)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the stogie. Smoke billows out of her ears, and she reaches out to grind an imaginary organ grinder.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> coughs one last bit of ash from the stogie, and stops grinding her invisible organ grinder.
  • miniature carton of clove cigarettes (Spooky Gravy Fairy)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the clove cigarettes, not even bothering to read the sturgeon general's warning on the side.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches a pleasant-smelling belch, and her spookiness subsides.
  • miniature castagnets (Casagnova Gnome)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the castagnets. Her torso vanishes, and she starts to seregnade you.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups and the castagnets give one final click. She looks relieved to have her torso back again.
  • miniature dormouse (Wild Hare)
    • When eaten:
      <name> blinks sleepily, licks her fangs, and feeds her head with the dormouse. You have to admit, he had it coming.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches loudly, and her nose stops twitching as her little cotton-ball tail turns back into a more reptilian appendage.
  • miniature espresso maker (Coffee Pixie)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the miniature espresso maker, not even bothering to chew! She starts to twitch violently, and fairy wings sprout from her shoulders.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name>'s stomach rumbles loudly, and she finally stops twitching.
  • miniature Jacob's ladder (Hunchbacked Minion)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the Jacob's ladder. Her back hunches and she starts to talk with a lisp.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, and sparks shoot from her nose as she swallows the Jacob's ladder. Her back straightens out and she gets less obsequious.
  • miniature pruning shears (Underworld Bonsai)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the scissors (didn't her mother ever tell her not to do that?) and takes on an oily black sheen. She whirls toward you and glares at you with glowing red eyes.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches a cloud of oily black smoke and returns to normal. She looks relieved.
  • miniature tophat (Dancing Frog)
    • When eaten:
      <Name> balances the top hat on her tongue. She starts singing and high-stepping.
    • When effect wears off:
      <Name> swallows the top hat. She lets out one final "ribbit" before she stops dancing.
  • MiniMechaElf Laser Punch Missile Launcher (MiniMechaElf)
    • When eaten:
      You toss the missile launcher to <name>. She swallows it and practices some karate moves as her skin turns to metal.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> stops ending every sentence with "ne?" and her skin turns into scales again.******
Your chameleon chomps up the beatbox and dances,
And spits some fat rhymes as she dances and prances!
    • When effect wears off:
The beats start to fade and your pet starts to droop,
She's now just a lizard and no more a Kloop.******
  • mint-condition magic wand (Wizard Action Figure)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the mint-condition wand. As purple plastic robes coalesce around her, her expression makes you think she'd have preferred a mint-flavored wand, instead.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches, and her purple robes fade away to nothing.
  • missing semicolon (Software Bug)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the semicolon aerror! invalid null in line 34&b$
    • When effect wears off:
      $%ot found, {<name> belches and returns to normal, albeit a bit dizzy.******
  • moonglasses (Grue)
    • When eaten:
      <name> tries to lick her eyeball, and ends up snagging the moonglasses. She swallows them, and is suddenly engulfed in shadow.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, belches, and the shadows around her dissipate. And thank goodness, 'cause that was getting creepy.

N

  • nanorhino credit card (Nanorhino)
    • When eaten:
      You feed <name> the credit card. She goes fuzzy around the edges as she turns into a cloud of nanobots.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches a series of burps as her body solidifies again. She seems relieved to not have to keep track of trillions of tiny robots.******
  • nosy nose ringy ring (Nosy Nose)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the tiny nose ring and begins to sniffle.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps and stops sniffling.******

O

  • orange boxing gloves (Puck Man)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the gloves. Her mouth opens impossibly wide as her skin turns yellow.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps, closes her mouth, and goes back to her original color.******
  • overclocked avian microprocessor (Robogoose)
    • When eaten:
      <name> snaps up the overclocked avian microprocessor. Her skin goes a metallic gray, and she lets loose a soulless *HONK.*
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches robotically. Her skin turns back to normal and she stops *HONK*ing all the time, thank goodness.

P

  • palm-frond toupee (Blood-Faced Volleyball)
    • When eaten:
      <name> snags the palm-frond toupee with her tongue, and swallows it. Oh, well, she could probably use some roughage. She smiles blankly at you.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> sneezes hard, and her blank smile turns to her usual jovial grin.
  • penguin-smacking club (Baby Yeti)
    • When eaten:
      <name> unhinges her jaw, swallows the penguin-smacking club, and her scales turn into rich, lucrative-looking fur.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches loudly, and her fur turns back into scales again.
  • pet anemone (Urchin Urchin)
    • When eaten:
      <name> gobbles up the pet anemone. She sprouts spines and turns a fetching shade of purple.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> coughs up the pet anemone, which swims away, terrified. <name> loses her spines and turns green again.
  • pet rock "Groucho" disguise (Pet Rock and Toothsome Rock)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the Groucho disguise, and turns into a duck. Why a duck?
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> hiccups, burps, and turns back into a regular chameleon again. The secret woid is... comma.
  • pewter candlestick (Optimistic Candle)
    • When eaten:
      <name> swallows the candlestick with some difficulty, then grins as the top of her head catches fire.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches out a little wisp of smoke and returns to normal.******
  • pile of dungeon junk (Gelatinous Cubeling)
    • When eaten:
      <name> grimaces as she eats the pile of bones, rusty metal, and other assorted rubbish. She starts to take on an unpleasant sort of glistening sheen.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> coughs up the bits of metal you fed her, though oddly enough, not the bones.******
  • plastic bib (Gluttonous Green Ghost)
    • When eaten:
      <name> scarfs down the bib and looks even hungrier than before. Greener, too. She must've moved to the other side of the road while you weren't looking.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> belches, and her stomach finally stops growling.
  • portable motorcycle (Rogue Program)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the handlebars. She looks temporarily distressed, then turns into a glowy orange motorcycle.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> putters to a stop and turns back into a chameleon again, though it takes the orange glow a while to fade.
  • pretty pink bow (Adorable Seal Larva)
    • When eaten:
      <name> eats the pretty pink bow, and suddenly becomes extremly[sic] horrible and lovable and disgusting and adorable.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps, and becomes a bit less cute, and a lot less slimy.
  • Pretty Predator Clawicure Kit (Snowy Owl)
    • When eaten:
      <name> sticks out her slimy tongue (or slimes out her sticky tongue) and swallows the clawicure kit. She rotates her head 180 degrees, and her claws get even sharper.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> gets the hiccups, and bounces around in an entirely-too-cute fashion. When she's done, she looks decidedly less owly. Ya rly.
  • prosthetic forehead (Angry Goat)
    • When eaten:
      <name> reaches up with her tongue and snags the prosthetic forehead, swallowing it in one gulp. She grows horns and a cute little goatee.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> sneezes and swallows hard, and her horns and goatee vanish. Looks like you'll have to save up another seven dollars to buy another prosthetic forehead.
  • psychedelic bubble wand (Psychedelic Bear)
    • When eaten:
      <Name> swallows the bubble wand, and her eyes start darting around the room. And changing colors.
    • When effect wears off:
      <Name> burps, watches the bubbles float away, and breathes a sigh of relief.
  • putty coat (Putty Buddy)
    • When eaten:
      <Name> swallows the coat, emits a short beep, and takes on a gray, oily sheen.
    • When effect wears off:
      <Name> emits one final beep, burps, and returns to her normal color and moistness level.******

Q

  • quadroculars (He-Boulder)
    • When eaten:
      <name>'s skin gets harder as she stops blinking and begins to float in midair.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps out a little cloud of dust as she settles back to the ground.
  • quake of arrows (Obtuse Angel)
    • When eaten:
      You toss the quake of arrows to <name>. She gulps it down, coughs up a bow and arrow, and takes aim.
    • When effect wears off:
      <name> burps prodigiously. Her little wings disappear, and the idiotic grin she had turns back into her normal intelligent smile.

References

  • The message for the miniature dormouse refers to the "feed your head" line from the Jefferson Airplane song "White Rabbit".
  • The message for the nose-bone fetish mentions octarine, a reference to Discworld where octarine is the eighth, magical, color of the spectrum.
  • The Pet Rock "Groucho" disguise message refers to the Marx Brothers film The Cocoanuts, which features a scene where "viaduct" is heard as "why a duck?"
  • The "Groucho" disguise's expiration message refers to the game show You Bet Your Life, which was hosted by Groucho Marx and gave contestants a $100 bonus if they said the secret word (pronounced "woid" in Marx's accent). Furthermore, the show's mascot was a duck with Groucho's trademark glasses, eyebrows, mustache, and cigar.
  • The "Ya rly" at the end of the "worn off" message for the Pretty Predator Clawicure Kit (Snowy Owl) alludes to an internet fad of pictures depicting owls for humorous reasons, staring with the infamous "O RLY?" owl, commonly followed by the "YA RLY" owl and then the "NO WAI!" owl.
  • The prosthetic forehead's expiration message (like the forehead's description) is another reference to the song "We Want A Rock", by They Might Be Giants.
Comma Chameleon Equipment Consumption Messages
A-G H-Q R-Z