You're fighting Tundra in Her Heart
A bugbear jumps out of the tall grass and snarls at you, snowflakes swirling around him as he bares his fearful fangs. You beg him to leave you alone, but his condition has left him COLD to your entreaties. GET IT? HA HA HA.
Critical Hit Message:
He kicks you with one of his frozen feet, leaving a bruise and some frostbite on your <lower back>. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He freezes your <face> with his arctic breath, then shatters it with his fist. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He punches you with a frigid fist, giving you black ice on your black eye. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He spikes your <calf> with a freezing claw. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He licks your <nipple> with a frigid, lolling tongue. It is not funny at all. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He bites your elbow with a freezing fang. Alliterative, but painful. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He grabs both of your arms with his ice-cold paws, sinking his claws into your sick biceps, and hyperventilates arctic breath at you until you feel like a meat popsicle. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He tries to freeze your lower back with his breath, but you offer him a cinnamon breath mint.
He tries to freeze your <face> with his breath, but you offer him a cinnamon breath mint.
He tries to spike you with a freezing claw, but they're all frozen together in a claw clump.
He tries to lick your neck, but you duck behind a flagpole.
He tries to bite you with his white fangs, but gets attacked by a wolf.
He tries to punch you with a frigid fist, but you step back and think warm thoughts.
His hat blows away, and he freezes motionless until a little bird grabs it and flies it back onto his head. Stupid bird. (FUMBLE!)
The cold radiating off the bugbear makes you feel like you're stuck in a walk-in freezer. Only instead of reminiscing and learning life lessons with your nemesis, it just hurts a lot. (cold damage)
The bugbear grins and sticks out its snow-white tongue at you. All the synovial fluid in your joints freezes. (cold damage)
The bugbear exhales snow, makes a snowball, and smacks you with it. (cold damage)
The waves of cold radiating off of the bugbear chill your blood, and your bones, and the marrow in your bones, and the blood in the marrow in your bones. (cold damage)
The bugbear clicks his teeth at you. They radiate so much cold that your teeth start to hurt. (cold damage)
The bugbear roars at you, his ice-cold breath cracking your skin like liquid nitrogen. (cold damage)
You wince as a biting wind blows in your eyes, and you can feel your tears freezing on your cheeks. (cold damage)
The bugbear blows ice-cold breath at you, turning the tip of your nose white, then blue, then black. (cold damage)
The bugbear locks you in an ice-cold bugbearhug until even your hair is frozen. (cold damage)
Occurs at Dreadsylvanian Woods
You wince as a biting wind blows in your eyes, and you can feel your tears freezing on your cheeks.
- X is equal to the number of elements banished
- The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected:
You[sic] trick knee starts to ache, like it always does when the weather's getting colder. But you didn't see anything in your adventurer's almanac about a cold front moving in, so why are you limping and shivering? What's the deal with this weather? And airline food? And how women take so long to get ready to go out? And the big blue bugbear that's about to try and murder you?
|A frigid bugbear rolls out from under a tarp cunningly camouflaged to look like the forest floor. He stomps toward you, leaving frosted footprints behind him. I mean, footprints covered with frost, not covered with frosting, delicious as that would be. Frosting is what he's doing, of course, but--never mind. Big scary cold bugbear. Look out.
|The tips of your fingers start to go numb and your cheeks start to tingle as you walk through the forest. The leaves at your feet are rimed with frost (and ancient mariners), and icicles are starting to form on tree branches. Something is making this part of the forest much colder than it ought to be. And that something is the huge blue bugbear that just leaped out in front of you. What's cooler than being cool? This guy.
|You can see little puffs of steam as you exhale; the forest has gotten a lot colder in the last couple of minutes. The little stream that was burbling merrily beside you is now frozen solid, preserving a look of surprise on every fish and frog that was in it. What's going on here?
Then there's a roar, and a blast of icy breath, and a cold bugbear leaps through the trees with its claws and teeth at the ready.
|You hear a rustling in the branches overhead, and leap aside just as something furry drops down, barely misses your head, and lands at your feet. You nudge the thing with your toe and see it's a squirrel, one that's been frozen solid.
Now, this isn't like the squirrelcicles your mom used to make when you were a kid; there's something out there that's flash-freezing live animals before they can get away. Specifically, there's something leaping out from behind a tree that's colder than any other animal in the forest, and it doesn't look friendly.
|You exhale and are surprised that you can see your breath--and this time it's not because you just ate a whole pan of chorizo brownies. The temperature is rapidly dropping, your teeth are rapidly chattering, and you're not entirely sure why.
Then there's a bugbearish roar, and ice-cold noodly arms are whipping at your face, and you figure out what's going on.
|You see frost-rimmed footprints on the ground. They lead to a tree that's covered in snow, and from your tracking experience you're sure they're either from a Nymphomaniac Wood Sprite or a cold bugbear.
A roar shakes your eardrums, and an ice-cold blast of bugbear breath chills you to the bone. Dang.
|You feel parts of you stand on end, and other parts of you shrink into themselves, as the air around you drops a good twenty degrees Fahrenheit. Maybe you just walked through a ghost! A forest ghost!
Nope, it's just a cold bugbear hiding behind a tree, and he's about to stab you with an icicle.
|A cold bugbear leaps out from behind a tree--the fact that the tree was covered in a thick layer of ice should have been a dead giveaway--and breathes his icy, minty-fresh breath at you. It's pleasant, but his frigid claws will be less so.
|A big, blue bugbear with icicles in its fur lumbers out in front of you. It says, "ICE to meet you," which means it has to die.
|You slip on a little patch of ice and almost go ass over teakettle, but thankfully you left your teakettle in your other backpack, so you stay on your feet. You look down, kick aside some dead leaves, and see you're actually walking on a little frozen stream. That's weird, it wasn't cold enough to freeze water a few minutes ago…hopefully there's not some ice-cold bugbear around, looking to freeze you like leftover meatloaf.
Well, that's what you get for hoping.
|A cold bugbear runs up to you, intent on giving you the cold shoulder, the cold claws, and the cold razor-sharp fangs.
|A panicked deer runs by you, its eyes rolling, tongue lolling, sides streaked in lather. As it passes, you see that its tail is frozen solid. It's followed by a lumbering cold bugbear, who stops chasing the deer when it sees there are bigger fish to freeze. Um, you, I mean. You're the fish in this scenario.
|An ice, ice bugbear drops from a tree and lands in front of you, ready to slice like a ninja and cut like a razor blade.
- The "ice, ice" intro parodies the lyrics to "Ice Ice Baby", by Vanilla Ice. Ice.