|Locations||A Battlefield (in Dyspepsi-Cola Uniform)|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
As you make your way across the battlefield, you are spotted by one of the red-shirted Cloaca-Cola soldiers. He charges at you, shouting "Cloaca is it!" You start to ask "Cloaca is what?", but by then he's already trying to bash your skull in. Er, trying in which to bash your skull.
He pelts you with cans of Cloaca-Cola while raving about how he'd like to buy one for everyone in the Kingdom. Oof! Oof!
He pelts you with a collection of small, curiously clean copper discs. Ow! Oof!
He hits you so hard it makes your teeth hurt. Ouch! Ouch!
He pulls out a grenade, pulls the pin, and accidentally drops it right behind him. It goes off, and launches him like a cannonball, straight into your calf. Ow! Eek!
He starts to attack you, but you tell him what a cloaca is, and he's momentarily distracted.
He starts to hit you, but the sugar rush wears off and he falls asleep on the ground.
He starts to attack, but gets a migraine from overdosing on caffeine.
He runs toward you, but stops abruptly and starts clutching his chest. Must be a caffeine overdose. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola (21.7% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola (8.1% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Cloaca grenade (6.3% chance)*|
|You gain 7-8 <substat>.|
- Cloaca-Cola is a reference to Coca-Cola
- There are many urban legends about the corrosive powers of Coca-Cola, especially when in concentrated syrup form. Some people claim it is strong enough to degrease a truck engine, or clean pennies. The "small, curiously clean copper discs" message is probably a reference to this.
- The "raving" hit message refers to the 1971 Coke advertising campaign which used the words "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" to the tune of I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing.
- "Cloaca is it!" refers to the old advertising slogan, "Coke is it!"