Cloaca-Cola Catapult Engineer

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Cloaca-Cola Catapult Engineer
Monster ID 295
Locations A Battlefield (in Dyspepsi-Cola Uniform)
Hit Points 40
Attack 30
Defense 27
Initiative 50
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
Cloaca-Cola, Cloaca-Cola, Cloaca-Cola c-rations, Cloaca grenade
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Cloaca-Cola Catapult Engineer You're fighting a Cloaca-Cola Catapult Engineer

You encounter a Cloaca-Cola Catapult Engineer trying to load a huge rock into a catapult. He rolls the rock back and forth, trying to get enough momentum going to load the catapult.

"That's it!" you shout. "Rock? Rolling? Cola Wars? I can't take this any more!" You charge forward waving your weapon.

Hit Message(s):

He shouts, "This is for the Space Monkey Mafia!" and rolls his rock over your <face>. Ouch! Eek!

He rolls over you with his rolling rock. You feel vaguely like you've just drank something that wasn't quite beer. Ouch! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He finally manages to get the rock into the catapult. "Are you ready to rock?" he says. "And by 'rock' I mean 'get hit in the arm with this huge rock?'"

You stammer that you're not ready, but he ignores you. Eek! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He rolls his rock toward you, mumbling about how he didn't start the war, but he's trying to fight it. You easily dodge the slow-rolling rock.

He rolls his rock at you, but you kick him to the side.

Fumble Message:

In trying to fire the catapult at you, he ends up accidentally catapulting himself to the other side of the battlefield. You wait patiently while he fights his way back to you. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Cloaca.gifYou acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola (18.6% chance)*
Cloaca.gifYou acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola (7.8% chance)*
Sixpack.gifYou acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola c-rations (4.8% chance)*
Cloaca.gifYou acquire an item: Cloaca grenade (6.2% chance)*
You gain 7-8 <substat>.

Occurs at A Battlefield (in Dyspepsi-Cola Uniform).

References

  • The text parodies a line from Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire: "Rock-and-roller cola wars... I can't take this any more!" The line itself refers to how Coke and Pepsi recruited Paula Abdul and Michael Jackson, respectively, to star in their advertisements in the 1980s. The song also has the lines "We didn't light it, but we tried to fight it" and "Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia."
  • Rolling Rock is also a beer brewed in Pennsylvania by the Latrobe Brewing Co.
  • Cloaca-Cola is a reference to Coca-Cola