Clingy pirate (male)

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Clingy pirate
Monster ID 627
Locations The F'c'le
Hit Points 90
Attack 100
Defense 90
No-Hit 110
Initiative 50
Meat 52-78
Phylum pirate
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
bit of clingfilm
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
clingy pirate You're fighting a clingy pirate

You feel an arm slip around your waist, and look up to see a male pirate clinging to you. "Hey, let's sit down for a while and talk about our feelings," he says.

"Uh, how about we don't?" you reply. Tears well up in the clingy pirate's eyes.

"I just feel so emotionally distant from you right now," he says, "could you just hold me for a little while?"

"If by 'hold' you mean 'beat on,' then sure."

Hit Message(s):

He explains his insecurities and fears to you in great detail. You die a little inside. Ooh! Ooh! Ugh!

He says, "you're amazing and I want you to know I consider you an equal." You roll your eyes so hard, you give yourself a headache. Ugh! Argh! Argh!

He starts to cry, then worries that it makes him look like less of a man. You smack yourself on the forehead. Oof! Argh! Oof!

He clings to your arm so tightly he leaves a bruise. Ooh! Ugh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He buys you an answering machine, then leaves a series of increasingly desperate messages on it. You heave the thing overboard, and cold water drenches you as it hits. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to cuddle with you, but you befuddle his cuddling attempts.

He decides to assert his independence for a few seconds before neurotically clinging to you again.

He delivers a treatise on how manly men are really deeply insecure. You yawn.

He tries to cling to you, but you remain unclung to.

Fumble Message:

You tell him you only like him as a friend -- well, actually, you only like him as a mortal enemy. He curls up in the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 52-78 Meat (average: 65, stdev: 5.7)*
Clingfilm.gifYou acquire an item: bit of clingfilm (11.0% chance)*
You gain 25 <substat>.

Occurs at the F'c'le.


  • Only occurs for female characters.
  • Using a cocktail napkin on this monster seemingly results in banishing it from the area for approximately 20 adventures, with the following message:
"Oh, hey, umm, yeah," you say, "I, like, lost my phone, and I had to change my number. Here, lemme give you the new one."
You quickly scribble a random phone number onto the napkin and hand it to the clingy pirate. He beams, and says "Well, okay! Okay, great! So, yeah, I'll give you a call soon! Bye!" before wandering off to a different part of the ship.