Clingy pirate (male)
| Clingy pirate | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 627 |
| Locations | The F'c'le |
| Hit Points | 90 |
| Attack | 100 |
| Defense | 90 |
| No-Hit | 110 |
| Initiative | 50 |
| Meat | 52-78 |
| Phylum | pirate |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a clingy pirateYou feel an arm slip around your waist, and look up to see a male pirate clinging to you. "Hey, let's sit down for a while and talk about our feelings," he says.
"Uh, how about we don't?" you reply. Tears well up in the clingy pirate's eyes.
"I just feel so emotionally distant from you right now," he says, "could you just hold me for a little while?"
"If by 'hold' you mean 'beat on,' then sure."
Hit Message(s):
He explains his insecurities and fears to you in great detail. You die a little inside. Ugh! Ooh! Oof!
He says, "you're amazing and I want you to know I consider you an equal." You roll your eyes so hard, you give yourself a headache. Ooh! Ow! Oof!
He starts to cry, then worries that it makes him look like less of a man. You smack yourself on the forehead. Ooh! Ooh! Argh!
He clings to your arm so tightly he leaves a bruise. Ooh! Oof! Ooh!
He buys you an answering machine, then leaves a series of increasingly desperate messages on it. You heave the thing overboard, and cold water drenches you as it hits. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)
He tries to cuddle with you, but you befuddle his cuddling attempts.
He decides to assert his independence for a few seconds before neurotically clinging to you again.
He delivers a treatise on how manly men are really deeply insecure. You yawn.
He tries to cling to you, but you remain unclung to.
You tell him you only like him as a friend -- well, actually, you only like him as a mortal enemy. He curls up in the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 52-78 Meat (average: 65, stdev: 5.7)* |
 | You acquire an item: bit of clingfilm (11.0% chance)* |
| You gain 25 <substat>. |
Occurs at the F'c'le.
Notes
- Only occurs for female characters.
- Using a cocktail napkin on this monster seemingly results in banishing it from the area for approximately 20 adventures, with the following message:
- "Oh, hey, umm, yeah," you say, "I, like, lost my phone, and I had to change my number. Here, lemme give you the new one."
- You quickly scribble a random phone number onto the napkin and hand it to the clingy pirate. He beams, and says "Well, okay! Okay, great! So, yeah, I'll give you a call soon! Bye!" before wandering off to a different part of the ship.
- However, using the cocktail napkin as the second item (with Ambidextrous Funkslinging) results in the napkin's normal effects, instead.
